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male
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anonymous
writes: Ive recently come out to my best friend whos female of 18 years and said im in a relationship at first she was shocked but seemed to get over the shock and seemed generally happy with it.However at the weekend i arranged to meet her with my partner and at the same time meet her new partner for the first time.I thought everything was going ok we all got on and she seemed comfortable with the situation.Well thats what i thought? the day after i got a text message on my phone saying she had a goodnight but her partner was concerned for me and wanted to meet me for a chat,i thought this was rather odd as it was the first time we had met me and he seemed concerned for me.I texted back asking why the concern and why the need to chat,the reply was its boys talk and its what your mate would say and it wont hurt to talk to him,then the next text message was when can WE meet up so its odvious its not just boys talk as she is going but yet they want me to go alone without my partner, As the meeting went well or so i thought my partner said he felt that he got some strange looks off her partner i said in what way he said not friendly ones put it that way.My friend could see that im happy with my choice and lifestyle and countless times asked if i was happy and i couldnt of shown it anymore than what i did.Now afterall this im questioning the friendship and feel let down by it all firstly why wasnt the concerns raised on the night and why let me feel the night went well.secondly i feel as though why would somebody ive never met before be concerned enough with me it isnt as if he knows me or my partner.And thirdly if they want to meet me on my own and if its concerns over my relationship i feel as though my partner has the right to be there.Right now i feel as though ive stuck by her through 18 years of friendship and i mean stuck by her and now i feel as though putting it bluntly as if she has s**t on me.I feel bad that my partner has been subjected to this and right now im so annoyed with her that i cant see sence in what to do.Any advice would be such a great help Thanxs in advancexxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2006): I'll be a bit harsher here though, cuz I do not agree that friends shouldn't judge/criticize and support their friends unconditionally. No offence directed at you Smiler, it's just my thought processes here. That way of thinking I believe is quite naive and unrealistic. If my closest friends cannot be upfront and truthful in what they think and feel with me, then they aren't my closest friends in the first place.
As with Mr. Anon, your friend may not understand nor accept your lifestyle completely. In fact, she might express a certain ignorance to your choice. This might not be out of malice, but possibly because she actually cares about you - coupled with her own stance on lifestyle choices. Her partner may also have influenced your friend's thoughts (influencing the ignorance part), or it's also possible that your friend used her partner as the scapegoat to meet with you and talk about your own partner, etc.
Yes, there are many possibilities at the moment, as we all do not have a solid idea of why this is being done. However, I have to disagree and say that your friend isn't over-stepping her position as a friend to you. Mind you, this also depends on what friendship actually means to you in your life. Seems that friendship is a very loose term, apparent on DC to a vast majority of people.
What I suggest is that you withhold this information from your partner for now, and meet with your female friend of 18 years alone, and express your thoughts and feelings to her directly. If things clear up, then you can use your own judgement to proceed on what to do next.
A
female
reader, Smiler +, writes (26 June 2006):
 Hey Babe
Well firstly i agree with you on a few things your friend is well out of order, and why on earth is her partner concerned about you he don't even know you? friendship is meant to be unconditional not ideal as long as it suits her... well done for having the courage to come out and be true to yourself and your feelings :o) i can only applaud you for that that takes alot of courage... now as for your so called friend whats going on in her brain all that she should be thinking is I'm happy my friend is happy and comfortable with his life choices and has met someone to make him happy... nothing like judging you for your choices and deciding who its wise for you to see or not see that is absolutely none of her concern! i honestly feel that she is overstepping the mark as a friend here especially when all you have done is stand by her in the past.. personally i think she needs to be told whats what and told that she is out of order and that a true friend cares and loves unconditionally WITHOUT JUDGING and tell her partner to butt straight out he don't know you well enough to advice you on anything... stand up for who you are be loud and proud and if people can't like you for the person you are babe they ain't worthy to kiss the ground you walk on personally i think your great :o)
I hope my advice was of some help to you babe :o) good luck ok... If you ever need someone to talk to or just a shoulder to cry on or maybe a little more advice, truly I'm always here for you ok :o)
You Take Care Babe And Good Luck X
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A
male
reader, andyfish +, writes (26 June 2006):
 Its either because they are jealous or they are genienely looking out for you. Tough one
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