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male
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anonymous
writes: My ex girlfriend has a new boyfriend and after 4 months I still want her back. I dream of her every night. Things are not to bad at work I am just about getting by but I really suffer and miss her at the weekend. She was my first real love and we were devoted to each other and had plans for a great future together, but then suddenly she became independent and seemed to want to see very little of me. She lost weight and changed.We had lived together for 7 years and were looking forward to settling down and raising a family. Can we ever get back to where we used to be, I keep hoping she will come back once the honey moon period is over with her new lover, but am i deluding myself - I think her plans to leave may had been brewing for a while. I feel that the trust we had has gone and all my common sense says it is a lost cause, but I cannot get her out of my head. How do I get over her? Is it possible to remain friends (as she wanted too before I found out she had someone else)? I feel this is just what she said to let me down slowly as I think she was always aware her leaving me "cold turkey" would really finish me off. She still describes me as her best friend, we are sorting out the finaces now and when I see her she keeps crying and hugging me for almost 10 mins, but she is with someone else and she resists all efforts I make to charm her back. Any advice would be welcome? I want to scream and shout at her and tell her how badly she has treated me, but she is very sensitive, and any major words now would only send her further away from me. What do I do??
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2006): be careful that she is not using you for other things. I met a wonderful woman that left me, and she took comfort in knowing that I would always take her back. I think it made it easier for her to progress through life knowing that. Everyone wants to feel needed. This may sound a bit harsh, but you had mentioned you were sorting out finances. Do you still give her money...does she ask for it... Be wary of any woman that will sleep with another man and string you along. You're better than that. As bad as it hurts, I think you should let her go and move on, the no contact rule would definately apply here. Trust me, if you refuse to return her calls, txts, emails, etc... it will do one of two things; she will either leave the man she has been with and come back to you full steam with every good intention, or more than likely, you will be able to move on with your life. Good luck.
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male
reader, Yos  +, writes (26 June 2006):
 I feel your pain :(
There's very little you can do. Just let time pass and the pain will slowly subside. If you are lucky you might fall for someone else, which will provide some relief. However, if you are on the 'rebound' then it's easy to project all your unresovled issues from your previous relationship onto your new one, which is neither healthy nor fair. So be careful, and considerate.
After a 7 year relationship ended for me (my marriage), it took a year before I could even think about becoming involved with anyone else. It just took that long for me to get over it, and for me to find myself again.
Best of luck to you.
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A
female
reader, Natalie...x +, writes (26 June 2006):
 To be honest I think she probably did tell you that you can remain friends to let you down gently because its one of the nicest ways of dumping someone, just because she didn't mean what she said, doesn't mean its impossible. I think you should talk to her, have a long chat, and then if it starts turning into an argument, quickly apologize and agree with her on what shes saying. At the end of your chat you'll feel like you've got something of your chest and feel a lot more comfortable around her (and hopefully you'll be over her)Hope Everything goes wellNatalie...x
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