A
female
age
22-25,
*ranny1297
writes:This is so annoying. My friend is copying my piercing - I know there are many out there who have the second lobe piercing. She is copying me because I've been deciding if I wanted the second piercing done now for about a couple of years and finally got it done. Now 3 weeks later I got mine, my friend suddenly wants to get a second one done too! she was always talking about getting an industrial piercing and snake bites, and now, out of nowhere she wants this piercing? It's so much more annoying because she wants me to go with her this weekend to get the same piercing that I got recently. Why is she doing this? I know it shouldn't me, but it is, it really is. I acted like I was fine with it but I'm fuming!!I've been deciding on this piercing for literally years, and now she wants the piercing STRAIGHT after I get mine. Uggghh - what do I do? how do I act? And why does she want ME out of all the other friends to go with her? She's even getting it done at the same place: Claire's - which she described as bad (I still got it done there) and got her first one with a needle, but now she wants the second one in Claire's. She just told me online, and ONLY me that she wants the piercing - no one else in the friendship group has the piercing. Why WHY?? - so annoyed. This might sound cruel but I don't want her to get it and if she does I want it to fail. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (21 June 2014):
 Why are you friends with someone who has betrayed you numerous times in the first place? You can pick your friends, not family but definitely friends.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2014): I've known of your situation (from what you post) since you started, I think, but I never had an account, so my answers were all anonymous, so I understand that you have been through a lot and that's why I mentioned there probably being more to it (your issues with this girl) than just the piercings. If she's betrayed you before and the smallest things will annoy you about her, causing you to angrily wish failure for something fairly permanent (I know you don't mean you want it to actually happen), you need to lessen your contact with her and focus on talking to or finding new friends :-)Don't take offence; you were frustrated and worded your post poorly with no background information on your "friendship" with this girl, so you can't blame the aunts for only having what you've given them to go on and it did come across a tad selfish and mean :-)
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 June 2014):
 Maybe you should look at the answers given to you and NOT take offense, but instead consider that what you WROTE and HOW you wrote you post made people react, and not all positively.
ALWAYS take from advice (the answer given here, and in life) what you can USE and what you can RECOGNIZE and let the rest be.
I don't sugar coat my answers. Ever. There is no point to it. And I'm NOT good at it.
IF YOU had written about WHY you decided to get the piercings (I'm quoting your reply here:)
**to mark a new start from: my abusive home life, bullied, and eating disorder - it may seem stupid, but to me it means something.**
instead of the petty version in your original post..
***This might sound cruel but I don't want her to get it and if she does I want it to fail.***
I think you would have gotten a VERY different response.
So remember what you PUT out there is what people react to, negatively or positively.
THAT means your friends too. YOUR FRIEND wants the piercing for a whole other reasoning then you, and THAT is OK. YOU DO NOT have to like it. YOU do not have to go with her. I don't know if you have TOLD her WHY you are getting yours, but you could try and be honest with her and tell her why you got your and why you feel "annoyed" that she wants to copy you. YOU are entitled to feel annoyed, but that doesn't mean other people can't do things you do, because they don't do it as a motivational thing like you do.
I have a friend who got a tattoo because she beat cancer. (we were maybe 19-20 at the time) And another of our friend got one too - same one. NOT because SHE too beat cancer, but to SUPPORT the one who did. YOu get the point?
Chin up, talk to your friend and accept that everyone do things for their OWN motivations.
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A
female
reader, franny1297 +, writes (21 June 2014):
franny1297 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Firstly, I not spoilt and secondly, this is not my biggest concern, my biggest concerns is my family, GCSE's and future, the piercing is something so small that I happened to be mad about! - Im not a bad person really, I must have just been angry and I've realised it's not a big deal at all - I also take a personally being told im spoilt; im not. And I promise you 5 years from now I will still want it. This piercing may be a fashion fad, but to me, it was the start of a new part of my life - to mark a new start from: my abusive home life, bullied, and eating disorder - it may seem stupid, but to me it means something.I do feel bad for wanting it to fail like I said in my post, it was immature of me - but I said this out of spite and anger. Im not a horrible and selfish person, but the exact opposite - she had betrayed me many times before so this could be why I want bad for her. It was cruel of me, but not everyone can be perfect and I am truly sorry I said this - again I said this out of anger and im not generally like this. Thanks for your time and input to my question.PS. I'm slightly hurt and upset for meanness in some of the answers as I am a sensitive yet annoyed-for-no-important-reason.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2014): I agree with Celtic Tiger; I missed that at the end. How could you be so nasty about your friend? Cruel doesn't cut it. It's like saying "I hope your surgery messes up"! You don't think it's like that? Why not? They are making holes in her ears and, if it goes wrong and scars badly, she may need steroids (I have them, so it does happen) injected into the scar to decrease the size (scar tumours often get larger) and never be able to wear earrings again! Would you like that? Would you feel like it's accomplished something because she'll never be able to copy your EARS?! The reason I say this, Franny, is because you MUST think of all of the possible consequences if you wish ill of someone and it comes true. I don't mean karma, I mean the guilt of wanting something "small" to fail, when it could actually fail very badly, and you're left knowing that you WANTED it to go wrong and it did. That's a horrible guilt to bear, just for wanting something bad to happen to them over stupid, immature piercings that millions of people have had before you and will after you. Think about EVERYTHING that could go wrong with whatever it is you wish would go wrong for someone before actually wishing it on them.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (21 June 2014):
 What inspired YOU to get that particular piercing in the first place?
I mean, if you had not seen it on someone else, you wouldn't have known it existed, right? Ultimately, YOU copied someone else. These double lobe piercings have been around much longer than you have even been born.
When it comes to fashion statements and trendy fads (which is what this is) no-one has first dibs on anything. And in 5 years time you will have grown tired of it and either get rid of it, or want something different.
You have no right to be "fuming" and the fact that you wish her ill, and for it to go wrong, really is exceptionally horrible and selfish! If you are, well, I think it is time to grow up a little and see the bigger picture, because you come across as acting like a spoilt child.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2014): Can I be honest with you, Miss Franny? You're not the only 13 - 15 year old who has that piercing. I wanted it too, but can't because my ears scar really badly. I wanted it because my cousin has it and I liked the look of them. Could you not just accept that she obviously thought they suited you and it INSPIRED her to want them too? C'mon, Franny, you need not worry about your friend getting the same piercing as you? Surely you have more of a problem with her for that to bother you?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 June 2014):
Honey, you didn't invent or have the solo right to wanting a piercing.
Why is it so bad that she gets one? Because you think it will make YOURS less cool? or interesting?
Don't be that petty girl who thinks she invented the wheel and thus no one else can get rolling.
ASK her. Why are you copying me? Let her express WHY she wants one too. And don't take it as she is out to make YOU feel bad, she WANTS it (without a doubt) because she sees how AWESOME it looks on you) - and WHAT is wrong with that?
My oldest daughter (she is 14 btw) wanted her hair dyed blue, then came home and wanted purple instead because a friend of hers "beat" her to it and got blue hair... So purple it was. I told her it was silly to choose another color because her friend got blue hair first. If she wanted blue she should GO for it. And.. she did (It's more lilac) but it looks great.
It's a fad, a fashion. Some you will follow, some SHE will follow and.. GASP some you BOTH will follow.
If you don't WANT to go with her, then don't. But don't take ANYONE copying you as an offense. I'm sure you COPY someone (even if you don't do it knowingly). When it comes to fashion WE all COPY someone, one way or another.
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A
female
reader, desirewhitefire  +, writes (21 June 2014):
 If this is the biggest concern you have right now, you are a very lucky young lady. I would let go.
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