A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have a female friend who is very controlling and the more I try to gain space and step back the worse it gets. I have tried really hard not to end the friendship as I know she is lonely but I am beginning to feel actually frightened by her persistence and at times manipulative behaviour. If I do not return a tx message simply because I am at work or busy, she will continue to tx or phone over and over until I respond. If I invite her to come out with other friends she will refuse and then question me about it to the tiniest detail and get very strange bringing it up over and over again. I have known her two years now and it has got to a pattern that if I do not communicate with her for a few days she will say she has had an accident/ a freak fall / is " low" and need s to come over. i tried recently to explain to her how busy I am and that we should meet up to have a meal or see a film now and again as it was more positive than her coming to my home every few days, but she got defensive and said she does not want to waste money on the frivolous things I spend it on. I had at first not minded when she copied things from my home, clothes I wear but a while ago she said she was going to have her hair cut and coloured like mine, I think it's odd for a grown middle aged women to not have their own style and as selfish as it sounds I think I am just getting tired of a relationship that seems to just take my energy away and offer nothing in return. Would it be kinder to just end the friendship than feel resentful like this. Help !
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (10 April 2017):
 yip end the friendship. You don't need her in your life and it would probably be healthier for her to be asked to stay away from you. She admires you but she is coming on much to strong and it is really not fair on you. Sit down with her and tell her how exhausting you find her. Tell her exactly how you feel as she needs to hear the truth and explain to her that you need some time to be alone.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (7 April 2017):
 Definitely, END it.
A good friendship should make both people feel great and supported by the relationship. You feel drained and you get NOTHING in return. So really IS it a friendship or are you JUST allowing her to manipulate you into giving her attention?
You might try saying something like “I need time to myself. I think we should see a little less of each other for a while.” Or be MORE direct and tell her" I don't feel our friendship is a healthy one for me, I feel drained not invigorated from it and therefore I'm ending it. I wish you a good life and I hope you can respect my decision." THAT is really ALL the explanation you "OWE" her - if she wants more details I'd say there is no need I have explained how I feel. (and then if she DOESN'T respect that - BLOCK her ASAP).
Friends who won't give you space or time apart, especially after you talk with them about it, are unlikely to respect you.
Your friend may care more about her own needs than yours. This isn't how good friendships function.
If she doesn't RESPECT that you TELL her you don't want to hang out with he for a while - then BLOCK her. If she then starts to call your workplace, let them know. Same with other friends. You don't have to bad mouth her to friends she might know but you CAN let them know it's a friendship you have decided to end as you felt it wasn't healthy.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (7 April 2017):
 For heavens sake! Why have you let this continue for so long? You need to blow this person off ASAP. What a drain on your energy. And not a little bit creepy too. Let her find some other person to leech on to.
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