A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi one of my male best friends recently started smoking which deeply hurt me, to the point it made me physically agreessive. I'm not an agressive person but its the one thing in th world I hate, more than drugs and all the other awful stuff around here.I have reasons for this after its caused so much pain within my family. I was brought up by my grandad and it killed him, he wasnt even a heavy smoker and he quit the day they put the prices up. Because hes a legend :)My mate started due to stress and following the crowd, he changed alot because of his mates, he was a strict christain and still claims to be but he definately doesnt act it. All of us know its because of who he hangs around with. Either way I know I had no right to tell him to quit but he told me he would, and he didn't. I said end of the day its your choice but I care about you and I feel like it will affect our friendship and so I asked politly if he could not smoke when hes around me as it really upsets me to see him do that. He agreed. He kept to this promise most of the time except the odd time we were with his mates. He didnt go for one at first but after a while he did as it was obvious he had a problem and couldn't refrain :( Thing is now hes been hanging round with an old friend of his, someone he knew way before me and way before he started smoking. This friend is a chain smoker and has recently split from his gf so my mates spending pretty much everyday with him which is nice. However its turning him into a chain smoker and its killing me. What I want to ask is will he realise its not doing him any good and not smoke as much, maybe evem quit? Im asking purely from the point of view of whats happened recently, him smoking was bad enough but now hes with his mate all the time its all they do, I know the damage it will do and I dont want him to be a chain smoker. Will it just be a phase and he'll cut back? Please give me honest answers. Before you make suggestions though I would like to say I have no feelings for him, I'm gay and he is my best friend and like a brother to me. I only have to see a photo with him smoking and I cry. He doesnt understand what it does to me but now hes chain smoking its cutting me up. please help.
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female
reader, llifton  +, writes (31 July 2013):
 it's completely up to him what he chooses to do or not do. he's stopped (or at least slowed down on) smoking in front of you out of respect. that's nice of him. bottom line, he is an adult and will make his own decisions.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2013): I'm afraid I can't offer you much advice, but I just wanted to say that I have the exact same issue as you do. My grandad also died because of smoking and I have a completely irrational reaction when anyone I care about does it. I had to end a relationship with an ex because he started smoking and it was causing me so much stress to watch it that I couldn't stay.
I'm sorry I don't know what to suggest to get over this, but I do know that nagging him about it will only annoy him eventually and may even push him away. Perhaps you need to take a step back from your friendship for a while and see if it is just a phase? It sounds as though he is seriously addicted now though so it may be easier for him to say he'll quit, even if he really wants to, than to actually do it.
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