A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with my boyfriend of two years because he treated me like crap, but I was really feeling down so I started hanging out with a friend. Yesterday I was riding home with they guy and things just kind of happened and we ended up making out in his car and I gave him a bj and he fingered me. He said I was the best he'd ever been with and I loved it. I really like him. I saw him today and he acted like nothing happened which I didn't mind, but he also acted differently. I don't know if I did something wrong or what?!? I have a nasty bruise on my side from his middle console and my throat is killing me. I don't know what to do. Did I screw up our friendship?
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2013): I guess I was right on both counts. Your parents are out of the picture and you're pretty much doing things your own way.
I'm glad you're going to get your throat swabbed; but please get tested for HIV as well. If you're sexually active and not using condoms, you stand at risk. Don't take offense to my reference to your parents. I have a bit of experience, and I made this deduction from the content of your post.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2013): Probably should have written down the secret code, but I forgot. I wrote the question. Are flu symptoms really a sign of an HIV?!?! I have a killer head cold but the sore throat was gone in a day. I figured I got "used" (thats not a great term for it since I was willing and volunteered!) I was hoping I was reading the signs wrong. Thanks to all for the advice. (Except the person who brought my parents up, they aren't in the picture and haven't been for years) Ill definitely go get swabbed though! Thank you
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A
female
reader, Got Issues  +, writes (18 May 2013):
 If you give a guy a random blowjob, unless he is already totally in love with you, you're not going to get anything out of him afterwards except maybe a FWB arrangement, which if you like someone is a horrible thing.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (18 May 2013):
People need to stop repeating the old cliche that "he used you".
She clearly states she was feeling down so she hung out with him. There was no using going on here that wasn't mutual.
"Using" should be reserved for people who manipulate others to get what they want, and he did nothing of the sort.
In regards to the original question, a car make out/blow job is the low man on the affection totem pole. The only thing it meant was what it was. For future reference that's pretty standard for situations like that.
If you want something more with him other than sex, ask him if he'd like to go out on a date. Don't mess around with him, instead you should be focused on enjoying yourself and seeing if you guys may be compatible, relationship wise.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2013): What in the hell do you expect flowers and roses the next day? You were used and you better get your throat checked out just in case you caught some nasty stds or other sexual transmitted diseases. Don't you know when you develop a relationship no sex? This protects you from a holes like him and other predators out there. Move fwd. good-luck. You learned the hard way. what the hell here?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2013): Please see a doctor! If he was unclean, you may have contracted a strep throat or an STD. You went for a guy on the rebound. He took advantage of you. You are trying to find someone to heal and comfort you after breaking up with an abusive boyfriend. A high percentage of abused women end up in one abusive relationship after another.
At this vulnerable time in your life, you need to stay away from boys! Abstain from sexual activity completely!
You are just a young girl and you are a bit misguided and you don't understand boys. Your rebellious nature has placed you in the unfortunate position of learning things the hard way.
Your parents wouldn't condone your behavior; so I know you have pretty much had things your own way up to now. Either that; or you are the young victim of a dysfunctional family, and you're acting out.
You are not at fault for any of this. You have no one to offer you guidance; or you may have been resisting authority up to now. This is usually the result of behavior out of control.
Please find a free clinic in your area to see if you can get your throat swabbed; or just let your parents know your throat is extremely sore. The sex was consensual, now you regret it and feel ashamed. I am very sorry that this happened to you. So now you really need to let someone know, so you can get medical attention.
If you go online; there are usually LGBT Health collectives that offer free counseling and testing for HIV and STD's.
There is a very low risk of HIV infection through oral sex; unless there are open mouth sores. So check to find out why you have a sore throat. There should be a local clinic in your area. Take a close friend for support if you are afraid to tell your parents. I recommend that you do.
HIV testing may be necessary too, if you had unprotected sex with your former boyfriend. It would serve you no purpose to be harsh with you. You've been through enough.
HIV testing is only effective and accurate 30 days or more from your last activity. So nothing would be detectible from the incident with that jerk from yesterday.
I urge you to get some help to be sure you are safe. I hope the clinic will also refer you to some counseling that may help you with your grief as well. If you are 18 or older, depending on your state, you may not require parental consent for treatment. Many LGBT Health clinics offer testing at no charge or a nominal fee. Get tested!
Seek some counseling. You can't handle all of this alone.
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