A
female
age
51-59,
*oreverin
writes:First, let me start by saying I'm not a teenager, instead a woman in her 30's. I have fallen head over heals with a friend of mine, but have NO CLUE what he is thinking!!!We have known each other for almost 10 years. We were more 'friends of a friend' we knew each other, but were not extremely close. Well within the past year that all changed. We got to be very close friends. We shared alot of personal details with each other. Shared our common values, beliefs and could talk to each other about anything. Then all of a sudden it's like the other shoe dropped. He, for no apparent reason, became much more withdrawn and talked less than 1/2 as much to me. If we are around each other he'll still talk, but not the same way he used to. We often communicate via text and 1/2 the time he seems to be really flirtatious and 1/2 the time he doesn't even respond to my texts. I have never openly showed an attraction to him yet I think about him almost 24/7. The last time I was around him though he hardly talked to me at all. We were chit chatting a bit then a call came in and he took the call, quite talking to me and as soon as that call was over proceeded to make another call, so I just went ahead and left. Now when we are around each other I have to approach him, he very rarely comes up to me anymore. Regardless of romantic feelings...What happened to our friendship??? I'M SO CONFUSED!!!
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female
reader, foreverin +, writes (10 August 2008):
foreverin is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUPDATE...Well I figured that maybe he was picking up on my feelings and distancing himself since if he was really interested he wouldn't be playing 16 year old games. So I decided I would just keep away from him and let my feelings fade away. Well that lasted a whole week and then HE started calling and texting me. I still haven't brought up my feelings but I'm going to try to arrange some alone time soon so that I can finally get this off my chest and accept the outcome whatever it may be. My main worry now is if he is really wanting to find in my a great female friend that he can count on no matter what and just as it's getting to that point I tell him sorry I LOVE YOU and he's left feeling like dang I thought we really could be great friends.
A
female
reader, Angela.B  +, writes (29 July 2008):
 I sense that you need to know the answer, and know the only way to find it out is to talk to him.But that isn't easy, and it means making yourself vulnerable as Baby duck says. He might reject you, leaving you feeling hurt after all.So you are trying to protect yourself by over analysing everything. Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just work it out and be 100% sure every time? The very first thing you wanted us to know was "I'm not a teenager, instead a woman in her 30's." You need to remind yourself of that fact, and decide to act like one.You have no doubt loved before and known the joy it brings. No doubt you have been hurt before too. You can handle both, and will handle both again in the future.Go talk to him, and find out the answer you need. However he responds you will still have your pride and dignity, and will be able to move forward.
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A
female
reader, foreverin +, writes (29 July 2008):
foreverin is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnother twist. Everytime I leave he tells me he loves me and everytime I hang up the phone he says if I need ANYTHING to call him...ANYTIME. If he knew I was interested and was trying to distance himself would he still do this???
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A
female
reader, foreverin +, writes (28 July 2008):
foreverin is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI WANT to talk to him about it I just don't know how. I've never been good at reading signals from a guy. Is it really possible that he is feeling the same way and fears rejection...or am I only seeing what I want to see.
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A
female
reader, lexilou +, writes (27 July 2008):
 He either realises you have feelings for him and doesnt want a relationship with you so is distancing himself OR he has developed feelings for you and doesnt think you reciprocate so is distancing himself from you!! Confusing as it is you need to talk to him and ask him outright why he has stopped talking so much and maybe let him know how you feel x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2008): I know how you feel. I've been best friends with this guy for three years. We would go out and have lunch, dinner, or just hang out and talk nonstop. About a year ago, I developed feelings for him. I didn't tell him, but then he started blowing me off. After awhile, I thought he just didn't want me and tried to move on.
Last November before I moved away, he told me that he likes me...as more than a friend. I asked him when he started liking me like this, and he said, a year ago.
That was why he kept dodging me, my emails, and my phone calls. He too had feelings for me, but denied them by getting involved with a woman a number of his friends hate. That was another reason why he blew me off. The status of that relationship is unstable and wrong, but it is known to all, including the girl that he is going to leave sooner than later and it will be for good this time. Especially when it comes out that he still has feelings for me.
But I recommond asking your friend what's going on and to tell you the WHOLE truth. Then see what happens.
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A
male
reader, sjwcool +, writes (27 July 2008):
 sadly society has developed some strange traditions concerning male-female relations (i.e. waiting 3 days to call someone you like.) I would just bluntly ask him in person something like "joe (inset his name) we have been such great friends talking all the time but, now I feel like you ignore me completely sometimes, what changed?
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A
female
reader, Angela.B +, writes (27 July 2008):
It could be that he felt things were going too far with you, and he has backed away because he just wanted a friend. Or, it could be that he really likes you and wishes your relationship was a lot more than just friends but is scared of being rejected. Or it could be... well, it could be 1001 things really.
The only way you are ever going to find out is by talking to him about it.
I'd tell him that you thought the friendship was special and enjoyed it, and that you are concerned that he seems to have withdrawn from you a bit and ask him what is wrong. At least then you'll have an answer and can move forward.
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