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female
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anonymous
writes: So. A few months ago I was at a party and talking to this guy who I had spoken to a few times before. Previously I had never even clocked him as a potential crush but there was just this moment that I realised I liked him.I saw him around a few times after that and we communicated a fair bit through Facebook, but nothing flirty. I had given up on the idea of us going out as my friend (more on her later) had told me that he didn't have alot of experience with women and would never make the first move...likewise I am very shy so nor would I! But 2 weeks ago we had been talking on Facebook for about 3 hours when out of the blue he asked if I wanted to go for a drink, obviously I accepted. Since then we have been out 4 times, and it's been lovely. We have another date planned for Monday.However. The friend I met him through is furious that I am dating him. I know most people would immediately think "friends first"- and to be honest so would I normally. We have been friends a long time but it is always on her terms - she rarely replies to my texts or calls but if I don't text or call her she gets really angry and says I obviously "don't care" about our friendship.She absolutely swears she doesn't fancy him and I do believe her - she says she just sees her friends as HERS. Also the guy is a friend of her ex boyfriend- with whom she is on excellent terms and sees all the time as strictly friends.I really don't know what to do. I like this guy a lot - the last time I properly liked someone was my ex boyfriend over 3 years ago - and think it could go somewhere. I just wish my friend could be more understanding and know that I am not trying to steal him or anything like that. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
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female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (30 October 2010):
 Just out of curiosity what's the age range of this friend?
What is she your mother? She can't tell you who you can and can't date.
She said it herself, she's not interested in him so therefore he's not off limits. You don't want to be just his friend but his girlfriend. He is not her property, and neither are you..You are free to date whomever you please with or without her blessing.
The only thing I can think of of why to she is acting like this, is she's afraid if things go sour between you two she'll have to pick sides..or she's afraid that you will be consumed by this blossoming relationship and you'll forget about her. In other words, your friendship will slowly die.
I'd specifically ask her what is her problem with you dating him..get to the bottom of it. If she's any kind of friend then she would be happy for you, since you have found a potential suitor. Kindly tell her you will be pursuing this guy, you can pick and choose who you date. She can either get over it, or she can pout and get pissed. Tough shit.
Pursue this guy, don't let her hold you back.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2010): If she doesn't fancy him then where's the problem?
There is none. I think she does fancy him, otherwise she's just being ridiculous. Most people love to see friends get together, you already like and know both of them, and who doesn't like to see their friends happy?
She's being exceptionally unreasonable and unless she gives you a better reason than the one she's given then screw her. Seriously if she's that selfish about things, then what kind of friend is she?
So she'd rather you pass up the opportunity to start a relationship with a new guy that you really like, because he somehow belongs to her? That's some bullshit right there.
You know normally I'd say friends over lovers, but that's only for friends who are being reasonable. Talk to her again, find out exactly what the problem is and try and reason with her. Otherwise say goodbye to her, because she'd rather you be miserable than "steal one of her friends?" Do you know how immature and teenage that sounds?
What exactly does she think is going to happen?
How exactly is it a bad thing for you date a guy she knows? There is absolutely no good reason, the only good reasons are, he's an asshole, he's hurt her and she's trying to protect you or she has had a thing for him.
Talk to your other friends see what they think, talk to family members, seriously ask people if they've ever heard of something like this, because I'll be honest with you, it makes no sense at all. She sounds like a crap friend.
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