A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Two and a half years ago, I met a guy through a mutual friend. He and I became good friends. A few months later, we ended up having a few dates and a few kisses over the period of about a month. This time was wonderful: he would turn up with 50 roses, buy me surprise presents, take me to dinner, write me songs..I mean a true gentleman and totally sweet. Soon after this, I ended up getting an opportunity to move abroad. A few months later, while abroad I met a guy who ended up becoming my boyfriend. This guy back home and I kept in contact with the odd hello's etc. I had not thought too much about our "dates" as he is young, a very good looking guy, all the girls like him everywhere he goes, he is in a band etc and he was never the guy who fell in love or had gf's etc. So I thought he would not have thought too much of our dates after I left. He never said anything.When I came back home nearly a year later, I saw him and we went out one night. He got very drunk and told me how heartbroken he was, that he had fallen in love with me and ever since then no girl could compare. No relationship could last. I found out all of his friends/ family disliked me too because whenever he had contact with me, afterwards he would be a complete wreck for days. (Despite being very cool with me and acting like he didnt care) When I found this out I was very upset, I had no idea he felt that way. By then I was already dating another guy so there was nothing I could do about it.So, over the period of the last 2yrs we kept in contact. Whenever I was back home we would arrange to meet and he would often cancel at the last minute. Later he would confess it was because it was simply too painful and after he would see me, even if it was over a year he would be a wreck. He had told a mutual friend about 4mth ago that I was always the girl, and there would never be another me..that he wanted to be a better man to give me everything I could want. He said in the future I was the girl he saw himself marrying.I ended up breaking up with the guy I was seeing. I returned home for good about 2mths ago. When I saw him, I could tell that the feelings were still there. But he was different, nothing like I remembered. His band recently got signed by a big record label and they are starting to have quite some success. Before, he was always very respectful with me (he himself, admitted he was a bastard with all other girls, and would take girls to bed easily but with me, he never crossed that line) This time, however, he kept flirting with me sexually and asking me to go home with him. He asked me if I would be his friend with benefit. He also suggested to me that perhaps I need to sleep around a bit more and be open to one night stands. He was telling me I am attractive and I should use that to get what I want in life. He also seemed to have become a player, he himself admitted that he usually never sleeps with a girl more than twice, and sleeps with different girls every night. Let us face it - he is good looking and in his circles of models, spoilt rich brat kids, celeb type people etc. Yeah it is going to his head. He tried telling me how the feelings he had for me are still there...but at this stage, I could not tell if it was a game to him; as with perhaps all other girls. I asked him what became of him, that he was a player. He told me that I made him a player. He said that he waited for me for 2yrs and how it killed him everytime he saw a new photo of my new bf on facebook. He said that I could not expect him to be celibate and just wait for me. He said at first he started sleeping with alot of girls to try to get over me.He seemed very uncaring too. I have had some major health issues lately: one of which had become life threatening. Yet he seemed unconcerned about it. He is now just this uncaring, selfish, success/greed driven person who cares about no one and nothing (but himself) it seems. I guess I am quite hurt who he has become. He never told me how he felt: if he did things would have been different and I would have waited for him, and made it work. I came back home every couple of months anyway! By the time he told me, I was with someone. I sent him a message couple days ago just saying that I always sort of thought that whenever we ended up in the same place together again, and we were both single that we would end up back together. That I didnt now so much would have changed. He responded saying that he guess I didnt like the new him now. Then he asked me if I wanted to meet him to talk to him. I responded what do you want to say to me, to which he replied. Ok I guess not then!...and that was it. Nothing more. This is not the guy I had started falling for. People change. (Even he said this to me) I tried talking to him about it...but it seems impossible to talk to him these days. Even when I tried to talk to him about my near death, he was so abrupt saying "Well you are alive, get over it." I feel I no longer trust him. He is cold, uncaring, cynical...and I dont trust his feelings for me are now not just to get me into bed or have his fun.I guess that I would (probably) hear from him again. but then, I dont know what to say. Obviously talking to him gets nowhere...and IF I do talk to him, I have no idea he is being himself or not just feeding me a pack of lies. Most times it feels like he is playing with me now anyway. So talking to him is useless because he is at a stage where he is so long past it now. So what should I do? Avoid him all together? Keep polite, abrupt messages? Of course I have feelings for him and being around him is hard for me. Thanks all.
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (12 November 2012):
 He asked you to be a "friend with benefits???" I believe that is shorthand for "whore." (Though it's really not shorter, is it?....)
Anyhow.... you've now seen this "new" version of that "old" guy who you liked so much... And the "New" version isn't "improved" .... or even "as good as" the "Old" version....
Soooo, you would do well to be polite with him... but keep your distance. He's not boyfriend material, from what you describe....
Good luck....
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