A
male
age
41-50,
*owboy
writes:My best friend has the worst case of being 'stuck in the friend zone' that I've ever seen.He's a very charismatic person, and has absolutely no problem chatting to people he doesn't know.Unfortunately, he doesn't know when to stop clowning around, and so he never gets any further than making friends with girls.He's a really good guy, and I know that he'd make a really good boyfriend for some lucky girl, but in the whole time I've known him (which is about 16 years) he's never had a girlfriend.He did live in a different city for a few years, and has told me that he had a girlfriend for a while during this time, but to be blunt, I think he's lying.I think a major part of the problem is the fact that he's had a few very serious illnesses.He had leukemia when he was a teenager, and now he has pretty severe epilepsy, which was caused by scarring on his brain from the radiotherapy.He uses this as an icebreaker in conversations. Making jokes about his illnesses and the fact he's died a couple of times. It's his way of dealing with it I guess, and all very amusing, but I very much doubt that women find it attractive.He jokes when he's nervous, and he always chooses this subject to joke about.When I see this happening, I cringe, because I can clearly observe the change in girl's behaviour when he starts talking about this.I can see that what's basically happening is that he's sending out the message 'I have bad genes, don't mate with me', and although they like him as a person, they end up only seeing him as a friend.To compound the problem, his epilepsy is so severe that he lives with his mum at the age of 33.I mentioned above that he lived in another city for a few years. His epilepsy is the reason he moved back here, because it's not safe for him to live alone.Obviously, living with his mum is doing nothing to help the situation.His mum is very controlling. She's a lovely lady, and she means well, but after all of the bad things that have happened to him, she's overprotective and treats him like a child.Also, living with his mum is not an attractive thing to a woman, and it means that if he did meet a girl, he'd have nowhere to take her back to.It's very easy for me to see what's happening in his life and determine why he hasn't got a girlfriend, but making him see it is a different matter.I think the first and most important thing to do is to get him to shut the f*ck up about his illnesses when he's talking to girls. Any ideas on how to do this?
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best friend, never had a girlfriend, talking to girls Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Cowboy +, writes (10 November 2008):
Cowboy is verified as being by the original poster of the question
Oh yeah, he doesn't drink either....
:o(
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (10 November 2008):
I think as his friend you just have to take him out for a couple of quiet beers and tell him straight.
A good friend will stick with you when you make an arse out of yourself infront of a girl.
A great friend will tell you to STOP IT and be honest with exactly why he's going wrong.
Get him to the "I love you mate, you're my best friend" stage of drunkeness and then sock it to him. Tell him you are sick of seeing him go to waste.
By the way, I don't think the "I have bed genes" theory is right, but the "I'm very ill and live with my mum and want a mum replacement plus sex" is spot on.
Good Luck!! xx
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