A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys. Not a relationship question, but I could really do with some advice here! Last week a friend bit me. Hard. It was completely unprovoked, and I don't know if he just thought he was being funny or what. We were sitting on the couch, just talking, and suddenly he grabbed a hold on my legs, flipped me up and bit me on the back of my thigh. I pushed him off and told him that it was under no circumstance okay. He backed off and didn't do anything else. I had no idea how to react, so didn't say much about it and just carried on as normal. But then next morning told him I didn't want him to ever come over again.Over this past week I've just been going back and forth as to what to do. I asked him why he bit me, and he couldn't give me an answer, but said it's the only way he knows how to be around people(?). I've known him about 6 months and he seemed perfectly normal up until last week. He's even met my boyfriend and other friends of me, hung out with me together with others for most part, but also just him and me before. He never made any advances or got too "physical" with me before this.I still have a big bruise, and it's been over a week. The bite broke through my skin even though I was wearing pants. Because of this bite I can not give blood, which I was supposed to do next week. I can't give blood for a year because I'm in quarantine. I went down to the police station today asking what would happen if I reported it. I can press charges, however the policeman seemed more interested in asking whether or not me and this guy were sexually involved. He also said that he thinks this guy just has a crush on me, and that this is the way she shows it. Those comments almost makes me furious. It insinuates that I am supposed to let this guy bite me, and not do anything about it, because he might have a crush on me. Isn't that what 5 year olds do? He's a grown man! I just really don't know what to do. I was thinking if there's a way maybe we could still be friends, but I don't think so. And then I wonder what he might do next time, to someone else, if he just randomly and out of nowhere bites someone like that. The policeman said I could report it in, and they would take in the pictures I took of the bruises, and then they would call in the guy to question him. Probably that is all that will happen, since there are no witnesses. But it could also end up in court.Help me figure out what to do... I'm leaning towards reporting it, after all: he bit me! You can't just go around taking bites out of people..! If it had been a playful bite I could excuse it on immaturity, but he flipped up my legs and bit me as hard as he could! The police classify biting just as seriously as hitting, and if he hit me then this wouldn't even be a question. So why am I so unsure about what to do?
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female
reader, Agneta  +, writes (28 June 2013):
 Pictures are not everything. Also your witness tale is of importance. It is not likely you would hurt yourself like that just to frame him for no obvious reason. And even if he would get away this time by lying or just by lack of enough evidence, then now at least he knows he's being watched. If he does it again and gets reported again, then it will be harder for him to deny it and get away. In law school a teacher told us that maybe you once could get away with the story "I fell while holding this big knife up and accidentially fell stabbing it right into this person" but never ever twice. So, yes you did your part and it will make a difference even if he would walk free this time. If it IS his first time.... Might not be.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe pictures I took aren't of good enough quality to see teeth marks. Besides he bit through my pants, so it wouldn't show teeth marks anyway unless there was a hole in my pants. If it was directly on skin I think I would have been a bloody mess, to be honest. And what scares me, looking back at it, is that I don't think he cared if I had pants on, or if I had been wearing a skirt/shorts. It was such an impulsive and random act, I don't think it would have mattered to him, and there could have been a big wound and possible infection. Doctor said the risk of infection is small since I was wearing pants.
I had the sense to take pictures a couple of days afterwards, and I'm glad I did (but I almost didn't, as I didn't know whether to make a big deal out of it or not). The police didn't take any pictures, even though I asked if they shouldn't... They said it wasn't necessary as I had my own pictures.. Okay. Probably it wont be taken seriously, but at least I did my part.
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A
female
reader, shrodingerscat  +, writes (28 June 2013):
 Make sure to photograph the bite mark. If he lies and tries to say it wasn't him, all you'd have to do would be to ask for a dental impression made from his teeth to line up to your bite wound.
Teeth are like fingerprints, completely individual from person to person. He can't lie about something like that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2013): I'm glad you went to the police. Being alone with someone who attacked you would raise the same questions in a court of law.
You have a right to be alone with anyone you please; as long as you know you are safe, and know enough about them to trust they will do you no harm.
You may not have the physical strength to fend off a guy who is stronger. It's risky, no matter how defensive you may feel about it. Something much worse could have happened.
You give him the benefit of the doubt. Your word against his. He can lie and make claims in his own defense, that can diminish your complaint. He could lie to your boyfriend. Just keep that in mind.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (27 June 2013):
 Good for you. I hope it all works out for the best, and do give us the followup if you can.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 June 2013):
 Good for you OP thanks for the follow up
please keep us posted on how it turns out.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you to everyone for your answers. I must say I am disappointed by some of the comments on here though. To WiseOwlE, who asked why I was hanging out alone with a male friend (when I have a boyfriend). Why should I not? Am I supposed to bring a chaperon with me? Do you bring a chaperon with you when you meet friends, or do you trust that they wont just suddenly attack you?
And there was no flirting involved, believe it or not anonymous male. I've never gotten close to him or flirted with him, but even if I was I don't see how that is relevant. You don't attack someone, even if they flirt with you.
Aside from that, thank you. Thank you for backing me up and not letting this male policeman discourage me. I went to my doctor today, and he didn't put me down over having a friend over alone, but said I should have gone to the emergency doctor right away instead of playing it down and waiting. Then I went to the police, and got a female officer this time. She didn't ask any questions about whether this guy and I were in a sexual relationship, or whether he just had a crush on me. In fact she pointed out that it would be simple logic for me to press charges. If he hit me it'd be no question about it. If he stole my car I'd report it. This isn't different.
So I went ahead and did it, after much back and forth and thinking about it and talking to everyone I know, getting advice. Now we'll just have to see what happens next.
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A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (27 June 2013):
You know what really ticks me off?
People tell girls, "Oh he likes you, that's why he's mean to you."
And then we wonder why when the girls grow up to be women, they get involved in relationships with men that treat them like shit.
"Oh, he's mean to me, so that means he loves me."
No, men do not HURT people they care about. Not biting your friends is something my 2-year-old learned from Yo Gabba Gabba. If this grown-ass man can't figure his shit out, he's got some kind of SERIOUS problem, and that's NOT OKAY.
Report him. DO NOT LET THE POLICE DISMISS YOU. This is not normal "crush" behavior, people don't hurt their real friends.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2013): Don't report him. He might be an idiot, and thought he was being funny or something. But he doesn't deserve going to jail.
And stop contacting him.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (27 June 2013):
It really does sound weird to me. Just having a conversation, unprovoked, and he just decided to flip your legs up and bite you? That's really odd.
I see you're in Norway, so I don't know how seriously police take incidents such as thing. From my experience (it was a battery case that I filed on some drunk guy that decided to throw his drink in my face, push me down on the ground, and grab me by my collar resulting in scratches and bruises since I wasn't flattered by his lame pickup lines) with witnesses etc., and they just threw it out. They took pictures and filed a report, but nothing ever happened. So don't be surprised if the same thing happens over him biting you. Unless someone seriously injures you, the cops don't really seem to care. Not to discourage you if you do want to press charges, just don't be surprised.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2013): I can't believe that the conversation was completely normal that there was no flirting and no teasing going on and that is why I don't think it's fair to report him. Your skin is probably extra sensitive. I don't think he did it with intent to harm you .
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (26 June 2013):
And just to tag onto my post, I think there are mental disorders that can appear in the 20s and by reporting this, you could get him the help he needs and keep him from randomly hurting others. Wouldn't you feel awful if he went on to hurt others because you didn't report this?
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (26 June 2013):
I'd go with reporting it. It's a bizarre incident to begin with and if this guy has developed some sort of weird compulsion to hurt people you may be the person who gets him off the streets and to the help he needs.
I think you are confused because it was out of the blue, unprovoked and frankly very very strange. When something like that happens it can leave you a bit shell-shocked and uncertain. You just can't believe that this odd thing has just happened.
Be brave, file the report and let him take whatever consequences he will face. And do not be with this individual ever again.
Good luck to you.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (26 June 2013):
first of all if he broke the skin you can get a nasty infection and I hope you got proper medical treatment. If you did not do it now. I believe a bite like this HAS to be reported to the authorities by the medical personnel. At least here (but I could be wrong)
The officer who did not take you seriously should be reprimanded. I would press charges.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2013): Press charges and insist that the police take pictures of the bite marks. It'll depend how hard he bit you and when as to how much detail will show up of his dentition on the marks, but the earlier you get it on file the better.
Bite marks are pretty difficult to use as evidence as skin is flexible and it tends to distort the marks. However if he has unique gross characteristics then the process of matching your bruise and his teeth is easier.
If nothing else get this on file so that you know you've done the right thing.
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A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (26 June 2013):
 Yeah so as far as pressing charges goes, its up to you and it seems you're leaning towards going through with it.This may sound weird but i actually know someone who has a kind of fetish for biting (weird i know right).She's an acquaintance of mine and says sometimes she just gets the urge to bite someone (okaaaaaaaay). So then she just bites the person depending on how clean her psychological thinking has her believe the person is (she's also a germophobe lol she has lots of issues). Maybe this guy is the same OR Maybe he did think it was be funny and done it in the hopes of making you giggle and laugh (dumb but anyway). So i could believe that he very well could like you but if he does then that was a crap way of showing it.Press charges since you're bruised and weirded out by it and since you can nolonger do your bit to help save a life (the whole blood donation thing) because of the stunt he pulled.Do what you must.Goodluck
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (26 June 2013):
 Yeah, press charges, you have pictures of your injuries!
The health risks are pretty extreme with a bite that breaks the skin. And don't be friends with him, because the first thing I thought of when I heard both the assault AND his reason for doing so is that he has a mental illness.
If he *is* mentally ill, your pressing charges will get him in contact with people who will identify that in him, and if he's *not* mentally ill, the consequences of assault may deter him from doing it to you or anyone else.
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A
female
reader, smoteablesally  +, writes (26 June 2013):
 First off, sorry to hear about this. I've been in similar situations when I was younger, and I know how difficult it could be.I would definitely encourage you to press charges, to stay away from him permanently, and to get yourself a strong and reliable support group. What your friend exhibited was very strange and uncalled for, and most importantly, he did something against your will that inevitably hurt you on a lot of different levels.And yes, the police will take these cases lightly than you'd want, but that shouldn't hinder you from pressing charges. I was sexually assaulted at the age of 18 and there were times when I felt as if the police were insinuating that I actually encouraged it, so you could just imagine how infuriated I was then.You're probably feeling unsure because, well, you treated this guy like a friend, and the biting was a pretty twisted thing to do and an even more difficult thing to talk about,and if this comes to a point where you'd be confronted with this guy in court and some kind of hearing ensues, it would be pretty uncomfortable and more traumatic than it already is for you, but trust your inclination towards reporting it and go for it.You might want to reach out too to a local women's help desk or women's organization. They might have psychological and legal counsel, if you need one or both.Good luck and take care.
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A
female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx  +, writes (26 June 2013):
 Wow! This guy sounds like a nut job! I'm sorry but I agree with you, who randomly bites someone? If it was me i'd most definitely get up straight away and leave and tell him I never wanted to see him again. Does he have some kind of history of mental illnesses? Or has he been known to be violent to anyone at all? I have to say this un-provoked and strange attack is very worrying, but I have to say, you did the right thing in saying you never wanted to see him again! I don't think after this weird act of behaviour that you two can ever be friends again, its a very in-proper and worrying way to act. However about the whole police thing, ask yourself these 3 questions: Has this attack affected you emotionally or mentally? Do you feel you are at danger from this man? Has this attack made you question your safety or made you scared? If the answer is yes to any of them questions then report him! If you feel deep down that something is wrong with all of this, or have a gut instinct there may be more to this man than the eye can see, report him. Whether it was a kick, bite, hit or push its still assault and its still serious. However if you feel that the answer is no to the questions above, then simply drop all contact, tell him firmly you do not want to talk anymore, and try your best to stay away from this guy, or only be round him when you are with others if you have to be. Weird! Good luck, quack x
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2013): First of all, you need to be sure there is no health risk involved. Yes, you should file charges; he may be a sick individual who may have done this before to other women.If he is a danger to others, it should be known by the police.I notice you are in a foreign country, and I can't tell which. Unfortunately, it doesn't matter what country when it comes to matters like the one you experienced. Male police officers tend to play-down female complaints; and are very dismissive of your concerns, if they perceive it to be of a sexual nature. It usually ends in a tragedy before they do something about it.Press charges. If he doesn't know why he does it, maybe he will be inclined to seek help and not do it again! He's a nut case. I doubt it was his first time, nor will it be his last if you don't press assault charges. Don't wait too long, or it will look like you're hiding something. They will only take you seriously if you make them.By no means are you ever to be alone with him, and I can't imagine why you were in the first place. If you have a boyfriend. That is why the police were so dismissive of your complaint. Take a picture of the injury and have it placed on file.DO IT IMMEDIATELY!!!Those teeth marks may come up as evidence someday; if those butt-holes with badges don't do their jobs.
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female
reader, Agneta +, writes (26 June 2013):
Report it. It seems like that is what you want and need here. The questions you got from the police make me furious too, but don't let it stop you, just calmly answer no and ask a question back: so what if he has a crush, how does it make this less abusive? He bit through your pants and skin!
Don't necessarily have high expectations he will be convicted but you will have a report filed in case he does something more to you or to anyone else. And you will know you did all you could to protect yourself and others.
And never ever hang out with him again, ever!
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