A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So last night I was sat alone minding my own business when I received two phone calls , both left voicemails from a good friend of mine.He has helped me through a lot of relationship problems, he has made it clear he fancies me but he knows that I don't want anything at the moment and I don't feel the same way. I have made sure he knows this fact. I hadn't contacted him this weekend as I have been busy out and about and having extremely late nights and exhausted. I've just wanted to leave my phone alone. He hasn't got in touch either. So I listened to the voicemails and he is ranting at me for no reason, he sounds very drunk to the point he's slurring. He blames me for him drink driving (I didn't ask him to drive anywhere!) and that I'm "playing" him. And that going to get what's coming to me... He sounds completely drunk as he's slurring his words and he's extremely angry for no reason.. I missed his calls so I text him asking him what is going on and he just replied with "Hi" .I'm beyond confused as to why someone would ring you out of the blue blazing drunk , shouting rubbish down the phone when you have done nothing wrong...I haven't led anyone on or promised anything. I haven't even spoke with him recently or done anything to show I'm "playing" him. So now I'm left wondering, should I contact him to make sure he is okay? Should I wait for him to contact me? He has always been a nice guy but for some unknown reason he flipped last night. Confused.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2017): I would not contact him. I was married to a drunk/alcoholic. Alcohol loosens the tongue and inhibitions and drunks often say what they really are thinking and feel but wouldn't dare say while sober. He isn't happy with you just wanting to be friends and his frustrations came out. He could turn into a real problem. Block him, walk away. This isn't someone that you need in your life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2017): BTW, keep those recordings in-case you have to file a police complaint!
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2017): Apparently he got "blackout" drunk and probably doesn't even recall what he said. I think you and he need a face-to-face talk. Just cutting him off will only lead to more weird calls and threats. You've got to shut this down!
If you still have the recordings of his calls; have a sit-down with him, and get this matter resolved once and for all.
Play them back to him; and explain to him exactly how they make you feel. You've already told him you don't want a relationship. However; you must also take into account how much you used him when you needed a stand-in guy. I know how needy people can be, and suddenly change when they're back on their feet again. Always calling their go-to guy; and using his strong shoulder to cry on.
You thank him for being there for you. Apologize for any misunderstandings about your feelings towards him. Tactfully explain to him that you expect no further communications of that sort, you have no intention of a romantic-relationship with him; and you are ending the entire relationship on that note. You are leaving him no option on that! Then no further contact. Block his calls, don't open messages. Delete them.
You have to end this connection right-now. He is infatuated to the point of distress; and how much you may have used and relied on him made him feel he's owed something.
Guys don't fall easily; they need a lot of encouragement to make them that infatuated. You may play it down; but only you and he know what part you played in this. He doesn't get to tell his side. You get all the empathy and to tell it as you see it. There are always two-sides to a story.
That doesn't dismiss his drunk-calling and making threats!!!
Do this action from a place of compassion; but be assertive. You don't have to be antagonized with stupid drunken-voicemails; and you must make it abundantly clear to him that he is never to threaten you again. Drunk or not, you will file a complaint with the police. You have no obligation to him for his kindness. If he thought being nice was buying your affections; than his manipulation backfired. That's not your fault!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2017): I had a male friend who was like this. He had children and i had mine and as far as i was concerned we was just friends and i made it very clear. But he simply would not get the message and whenever he got the chance would try it on subtly if he saw me at a low point. Same as what everyone else has said, he will not get the message and he is a wolf in sheeps clothing. Cut off contact because the last thing you want is for him to get you at a vulnerable moment and you do something you regret (this didn't happen to me i got him out of my life). He has more than shown his true feelings with that message!
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male
reader, Been there Now over it  +, writes (28 August 2017):
While you've informed him that you want to be just friends, he obviously is not happy with that arrangement. Like most people would, he was putting up a facade, not wanting to alienate you by exposing his feelings for you. That facade disappeared while he was drunk and he unloaded his frustrations. I'm not so sure he really thinks you've been "playing" him...that statement could come from his anger.
I agree with the others here...cut all contact, as of this moment. This guy is bad news for you. If you go deeper with this relationship you could end up with a dangerous stalker on your hands (if you haven't already).
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (28 August 2017):
 Yep, I agree.
Do NOT contact him.
He's made his feelings for you clear and you stated yours, but in his mind, as long as you accept help or favours from him, despite how honest you've been, he has hope.
And it's this hope that has motivated him to be the 'great friend' that he's been. He would not have been this accommodating of someone he had no attraction to.
One thing I kinda/sorta disagree on is demanding an explanation. By asking for, or even listening to, his explanation might give him the idea that he can just talk his way out of his behaviour. I think from you the 'less is more' approach might carry more weight. And not getting a chance to read you would keep him on his toes for a while.
Ultimately I think you need to distance yourself from this particular friend if not cut them loose entirely. Clearly, no matter how up front you are, as long as he's in your life, he has hope.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 August 2017):
 I would NOT contact him at all. IF he does call/text/contact you I would demand an explanation and I would also let him know that you are NOT stringing him along and if THAT is how he feels the best solutions is to totally cut the contact.
After that? YOU block and delete his number.
He sounds like he is pissed that he has been "friend-zoned" (in his mind) and is taking his hurt feelings out on you.
You call him "a good friend" but here is the thing he ISN'T your friend. He is a guy who hopes by listening to you relationship woes and give you lifts that you will want to date him and be with him.
Your best bet is to totally cut him off.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (28 August 2017):
 No, don't contact him at all. This is exactly why we say that you never really know how a person really is from the inside unless you see them at a vulnerable moment. He/she may appear completely rational and normal outwardly but you have no idea what's going on behind the facade.
This particular man has a case of unrequited love and has gone batshit crazy on you. It's scary and I would advise you to be safe and stay away from him completely. Don't delete these messages and I suggest you tell your parents, roommates, friends or whoever you can, so that people around you know that this is what is going on. This drunk person is accusing you, blaming you and is angry beyond control for no fault of yours. If, as you've told us, you've made it clear to him that nothing can happen between you and he's still bothering you then it's plain and simple harrassment.
It's not your responsibility to find out of he's ok or not after this incident.
Have no contact whatsoever with this person from now on. He is not a friend. Block him completely on social media and block his number on your phone. Don't agree to meet him under any circumstances.
It's always better to be safe than sorry
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