A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my girl were thinking about having sex for the first time. We are both in our 20s. Both of us are virgins so we are new to this. So we plan to be safe about this so I was going to buy some condoms, but I have no idea what size to get. My dimensions are 8 inches long and very close to 6 inches thick. Also would my girl be satisfied with this size?(shes never seen it). She's a petite girl, I dont know if its going to hurt for her or not. I hope to hear from you. Thanks
View related questions:
condom, petite Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, daletom +, writes (4 September 2010):
Condoms come in 2 or 3 sizes, but even if you have the best size there is a very real chance that you will use it incorrectly if you are both virgins. Contraception and STD's are VERY REAL problems that you two need to solve TOGETHER - but "condoms" isn't the only answer - and, in this case, may not be a very good answer.
If you have never even seen each other naked, this will probably have an adverse effect on your first sexual experience. At the very least, spend some time - any where from several days, to a few months - learning about each others' bodies and how to pleasure each other without penetrative sex - with necking, petting, oral sex, etc. Make sure you both understand this, agree to this, and work to respect those limits. (That's part of building trust in each other.) You should learn each others' sexual response patterns and how to bring each other to orgasm without intercourse.
First time sex is probably NEVER even close to "perfect" from the physical perspective. Most women report that their first sexual intercourse was somewhere between "very uncomfortable" and "hurt like hell". Something like half of all women say they bled enough to notice.
When my wife and I exchanged virginity (she gave hers to me, and received mine in return) she expected it to hurt and she did have a fair amount of pain. A lot of that was because both of us were a little eager and inexperienced - I'll tell you what we could have done better in a moment. She bled about like a heavy period but it didn't last long. (Perhaps the only thing I really did well on that first time was to have a washcloth and warm water ready to clean her up as soon as we finished.)
Physiologically, it was perhaps some of the worst sex we've had in over 30 years of marriage - mentally and emotionally it is an extremely significant and meaningful event in both our lives. Though even on the physical level, we were eager to do it again only about 2 hours later so it wasn't horrible!
A few things to "set the mood" are definitely worthwhile! Comfortable surroundings - plenty of privacy - a light, but special meal. Alcohol is a poor sexual lubricant but ONE glass of wine may be helpful.
(Many sources suggest three things that make a girl's very first time go better. One is for you to orgasm shortly before trying to enter her. It will help you have the control and consideration to be aware of her response, and minimize her discomfort. While you are "recharging" - about 5 or 10 minutes - bring her to orgasm with your mouth, fingers, etc. Then she will be as relaxed, open, and lubricated, as she'll ever be. The third thing to do, rather than getting on top or pinning her to the mattress, is to lay on YOUR back, have her straddle you, and let her guide YOU into her vagina. Encourage her to think, "I'm going to envelope his erection with my vagina.", instead of "He's going to stick it into me.". There is NO WAY you can feel what she is feeling - let her find the best location, angle, etc for gently easing into her. Unfortunately, I suspect most young women are too self-conscious and nervous to actually do this so you may have to take over.
For the record, my wife and I were both 23 when we exchanged virginity (she took mine and I got hers in return) on our wedding night. The story is in the thread "I'm a virgin and worried about my wedding night...", at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-a-virgin-and-worried-about-my-wedding.html ]. (Scroll down the thread to find my post.) It may be helpful to print that thread and have HER read it! And despite that lousy first-time, we're still married - to each other - over 36 years later.)
Like bowling, long division, or public speaking, good sex is something you learn through practice. It's an even more complicated activity than these examples. Like sports, sex is physical; like math, sex is mental; and like oration, sex is psychological. For most of us, both guys and gals, the first time isn't great sex. My first time was lousy sex. My wife's first time was lousy sex. (As I mentioned, her first time and my first time were the same time.) But even though it was lousy sex, it was very significant and meaningful to us.
The physiological mechanics of sex, especially your first time, are well-documented here on this Forum - the question probably gets asked a couple times every month. There used to be an article by "satindesire" (and many of the side comments on that page) that was excellent! I'd call it a must-read for you and your B/F except that it has vanished from [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/thinking-about-losing-your-virginity.html ]
Other threads I contributed to include "How can I make my first time having sex enjoyable?" at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-can-i-make-my-first-time-having.html ] and, "I want to start having sex with him . . ." at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-want-to-start-having-sex-with-him.html ] (scroll down to find my response), and "He's a virgin, I'm not. How can I make it meaningful for him?" at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/hes-a-virgin-im-not--how-can.html ] and "Any stories about losing your virginity??" at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/any-stories-about-losing-your-virginity.html ].
Something we weren't prepared for was our emotional state immediately afterwards. I've read about this and talked to others, and the details vary WIDELY among people. (My wife & I were both sobbing, and pain wasn't the major cause.) The best I can say is that you need to be sensitive to each other, as well as yourselves, because you can do some emotional damage without even realizing it.
A
female
reader, Morrissey-fan  +, writes (2 September 2010):
Your size does not guarantee you to be any better AT ALL so don't rely on or she'll be so bored she'll fall asleep!!
You need to go slowly and if she asks you to slow down make sure you do, I wouldn't expect anything amazing first time and if you don't last long don't worry because if she is in pain she won't want it for long
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (2 September 2010):
 Your size will hurt her, but anything will be painful for her as it is her first time. Next I will say something that I wont say again so remember this!!! It is NOT size that matters. She will be satisfied if you have the right moves, makes her feel comfortable, do the right things for her. Your penis size has absolutely NO relevance, it is how you use it that is tricky.
So, I am sorry but you shouldn't count on the first time being particularly great. It will be painful and you might not even succeed at doing it, and will have to re-schedule. So be open for failure and don't get disappointed if things don't go as planned.
Next step: make sure she is wet. If you don't know how to make her wet, then don't have intercourse yet, but learn more about her body first. Try giving her an orgasm. And by that I mean oral sex, only a few women get an orgasm through intercourse. See, again your penis doesn't matter that much....
As for the condoms, be careful about buying anything too big, they will slide off. The best thing to do is buy some different sizes and try them out beforehand. Read the instructions. Condoms don't cost much, you can afford testing out a few.
...............................
A
female
reader, WhateverMovesThee +, writes (2 September 2010):
 Foremost be gentle, make it special for her because she will remember this all her life...a few vanilla scented candles and a romantic bath first to make her relax more. Afterwards, wrap her in a towel and kiss her, bring her to bed. I suggest you use a magnum condom and lubricant ready on the nightstand. This is important, don't rush! Take your time and get her excited. When you feel shes relaxed, you can whisper a few tender words in her ear and um...well...gently put some lubricant down there for her. Warm it first. Put some lubricant on the condom directly. Don't try and enter her all at once ok? Its not necessary. Watch her face for reactions and if she tenses a lot, stop. Tensing makes it hurt more. Kiss her, touch her gently and relax her and then, continue if she does not wish to stop. If she does, try again another time. Sex at first is not as smooth as movies make it out to be. Best of luck!
...............................
A
male
reader, MMAfighter +, writes (2 September 2010):
Well man from my experience its probley gonna hurt you but then again its her first time, its gonna hurt. Im close to your size but im 9 1/4 long an 4 thick, one word, magnium. These dont have the best lubricants but it will fit your size. Buy some lubricant just to be on the safe size. You need to take it very slow at first cause you have to make penatration but shes gonna be sore and theres a chance you might to, varying from circumsized to uncumsized. Yes she will be sitisfied, you have a squirrel living down there. But like i said, just take it slow and easy, tell her to tell you what to do. Faster, slower, harder, things of that sort. Hope this helps.
...............................
A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (2 September 2010):
 I'm not a guy so I don't know this for sure but I think condoms are mostly one size fits all. If you take it slowly and do lots and lots of foreplay so she is really wet and ready for you when you do for penetration it shouldn't hurt too much.
good luck have fun.
...............................
A
female
reader, Oregongrl1 +, writes (2 September 2010):
Im sure they come in sm,med & lg! thats a good thing that you are using a condom. no'one can really give you advice! just relax and make each other comfortable and don't just jump into it foreplay is always good for the relaxing part of it. maybe you can rent a sex video and watch it together?
Good Luck!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2010): Losing your virginity at any age is a big step, and you want it to be special. I would try out different sizes of condoms beforehand, find the one that's most comfortable with you. And the first time for a girl will always hurt, and it might possibly hurt you, I'm not sure. There is also a chance she might not reach her climax - this is nothing that you've done wrong, but it's simply because it MAY hurt. Good luck.
...............................
|
