A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm currently in my first serious relationship, and have been finding it very hard to settle into things. I love my boyfriend very much but it has taken me a while to trust him, how to balance my relationship around my life appropriately, how to accept that he's had relationships before me, how to deal with jealousy and so on. (for the record we've been going out for just over 6 months)I worry a great deal, get anxious and stress over problems that aren't there (often I'll imagine awful scenarios and worry about things that might not even happen), and find it hard to cope when I'm away from my partner for along time. I've had a short period of counseling for this, and while it has helped, I still find it difficult to have confidence in myself and believe that I can do this/that I'm good enough. But I am getting better and things are getting easier. I was wondering if anybody else has had similar issues or anxieties. What did you go through? What helped? What didn't help? Did you get a light blub moment when you realised that your fears were unjustified, or did you gradually start feeling more confident? I'd love to hear about anybody who has had similar experiences.
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male
reader, daletom +, writes (30 September 2012):
I can't say that I (or my wife) have experience with this, but I hope he is helping you see yourself for what you really are. That may be the surest sign that he really IS a "keeper" who is worth the investment of your time and emotions.
For the jealousy thing, just remember that he has chosen to be with YOU - and at 6 months, this is starting to turn into a serious, long-term relationship - and he is NOT with any of his previous partners.
Especially if you are a virgin (and I truly thinks that's a good thing for you), "retroactive jealousy" over previous sexual partners seems to be a common problem for both guys and girls. There are several threads about that subject on this forum.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (29 September 2012):
 What helped:
Time, life achievements, an understanding boyfriend, thinking about what makes me happy, accepting life whatever outcome, not expecting or demanding too much, look for reasons to love yourself, good sleep, diet and exercise, nature.
What didn't help:
Boyfriend with committment phobia, on and off relationships, fights, sex addiction, social isolation, trying to control situations.
Anxiety will always be a part of life. Pain has its purpose to protect you from harm but when you set your threshold too low you overreact to everything. It helps to look at yourself from the outside and just observe what your mind is doing to you, and that you are bigger and more powerful than your own mind, so don't be enslaved by it.
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