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My first relationship: Am I dating him? Or was it just about sex? Nine years older than me and I don't know where I stand.

Tagged as: Age differences, Dating, Sex, Teenage, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (5 August 2012) 4 Answers - (Newest, 6 August 2012)
A female Australia age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Hey!

I've got my self into this 'relationship' with a guy but I do not know where I stand anymore!

So basically a guy, 9 years my elder, who I've known for 2 years or so started talking to me more often since early June. After that I've been 'out' with him, I don't know if I should call them dates or not, cause like I said I don't know where I stand!

He had however made it very clear that he planned on hitting on me since our first 'outing' . On these several days I spent with him we'd go out for a movie or so, chill in parks, drive along the country and we've even kissed! Everything was fine. He talked to me over the phone as usual. He calls me baby and so on!

The last time we hung out together, we got physical and made love. This was last Sunday.

Now since Monday, suddenly his job has gotten much more busier! He hardly texts me while at work like he used to. Now, he usually checks his messages and just chooses ignore it and reply only at night. His early morning calls while he drove to the gym or work have pretty much stopped.

He still calls me baby...but I don't think that really proves anything, he could call a lot of girls that,I don't know! Maybe his job really has gotten busy, but there's this voice at the back of my head that says otherwise, is he trying to get me off his back after getting me to bed?! I really hope it was the first...

He's flying overseas tonight on a business trip and I won't be in touch with him for 10 days. I keep telling him I'll miss him, but the only reply I get from him is that he'll be available on phone and I don't have to miss him.

Only once he replied saying he missed me too. I really want to know where I stand?

Am I dating him? I like this guy a lot! I'm completely attached to him. I think he knows this. What do you guys think? Where do I stand? I've never really dated anyone before so I'm totally unsure of how this thing works. This would be my first relation...

View related questions: at work, text

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (6 August 2012):

Sageoldguy1465 agony auntSome men who chase women are like dogs who chase cars. That is, if they should catch one, they don't know what to do with it....

This guy chased and caught you. HE thinks that having sex with you is the end of the chase... and he's fabricating the "busy at work" story... and you're buying it and giving him a "free pass."

The total story is, he got his sex from you and now has no more interest in you. Forget him and try to find a nice guy to spend time with...

Good luck....

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A male reader, Hennessy1989 United Kingdom +, writes (5 August 2012):

Hennessy1989 agony auntSorry to say this but it sounds like he got what he wanted and has cast you aside, still you deserve an explanation, wait til he gets back, and WAIT for him to call you, don't contact him straight away, if after ten days away he makes no effort to contact you then you can guarantee he was just after sex

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A female reader, oldbag United Kingdom +, writes (5 August 2012):

oldbag agony auntHi there

Have to admit it doesn't sound promising, its the historical suddenly busy man. He sort of groomed you for sex and now he's got what he wanted,interest has diminished. He won't want to ignore you totally in case he wants a 2nd time.

While he's away do not contact him,let him do the running,you will soon have your answer. Also try to get out keep busy,date others.He is not your official boyfriend so your free to do as you want.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2012):

hey girl. first of all, i want to tell you to be strong. if you are religious, go to the church and find your strength there. if not, spend time with your family and friends and seek support coz what i am going to say is gonna be a big blow to u. THIS GUY DOES NOT LOVE YOU. get this straight. he just wanted to sleep with you. now that he has got what he wanted, he has pushed you to the RESERVE category which means that if he does not get anyone else, he will have sex with you. i have seen and met enough guys and i know how they are. trust me, there are very few good guys in the world and out these very few are true in love. so, next time, just wait and watch before committing yourself to anyone.

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