A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:About two months ago I admitted my feelings toward a first cousin (after a few drinks, son of my aunt, we are both 42). He confirmed that he felt the same way. we have since been talking and admitted that we have both felt like this for as long as we can remember. After a few more weeks we started seeing each other.Another uncle of ours knows about us and he is OK with it and thinks we could be good together and knew this would happen eventually. He said he could see the way we looked at each other. My daughters (grown ups) know and are also happy for me. However, his mom is against it. We are in love. What a dilemma. Since I first realised my feelings I have come to realise that it is not legally wrong (in UK), however there are obviously others who dont like it and think it's wrong. We dont want kids, we just enjoy each others company more than anything else and we get on like a house on fire, it feels sooooo right. Q: I am so confused and am not sure where to go from here. Don't even know what I am asking really.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2007): Hey there,
Legally, yes that depends on where you live.
Romantically, it is between the two of you. But a serious side is the results of a broken close relationship. I know of sisters who have not spoken for 25 years (and are now old and frail) since their son and daughter's marriage fell apart. Everyone involved is very bitter that the wrong advice was given from beginning to end - that being that close family relationships are a strain on the blood ties that should never be put at risk. I find it terribly sad that the sisters are likely to die never having reconciled their differences.
Biologically, having children with a 1st cousin can be risky since any recessive 'bad' genes you have your cousin is also likely to have, whereas a distant stranger would have more dominant good genes. Since you need two genes to code for any particular trait, if you have a good dominant and a bad recessive, you will be fine. If you have two bad genes then you will negatively affect that trait.
In other words, a dominant gene for a nice nose would supplant a bad gene for a big nose. If you have two of the same gene (common with interbreeding) then you cannot avoid, say, the big nose.
This is slightly tongue in cheek, but the serious side is that certain genes code for conditions like Huntington's Disease, Parkinsons and Haemophilia. Get two of those genes and your children are genetically predisposed to a serious disorder. (European royalty is rife with Haemophilia as a result of hundreds of years of interbreeding).
There are plenty of people in the world, and they are all on your doorstep - so even if this feels right, always remember that there are many more people involved (parents, sibling, future offspring) who must be considered also, and it may be for the best to listen hard to your head instead of your heart and find that special person for you. Your cousin will always be your best friend!
Best of luck! xxx
A
female
reader, lisarocksyoursocksoff +, writes (13 May 2007):
 yes people will say it is wrong, because there are close minded and ignorant people. but do these people go hoem worrying about your relationship? if they do then they are the ones who need help. you need to do what makes you happy because life is too short
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A
female
reader, rachel1 +, writes (7 May 2007):
hi.
i am in the same situation. except i am only 25 and still live at home. i have been dating my second cousin-once removed (or fourth generation cousin to make it easier) for three years now, secretely and have only just revealed it to my parents. Oh boy! it wasn't easy. my mum is distraught by it as its his side we are related on. do you still feel for your cousin? let me know and i will tell you more about me...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2007): Yes, same as CD206, I don't think there is anything morally wrong about this or illegal, but legality depends on where you live. The thing that this causes heartache and headache over is how your family, friends, and outsiders see you, and how much of what they feel/think affects you.
The thing about having kids and having deformalities between first cousins is only about a couple of percentages higher than non-bloodline related couples, and that is still quite low. However, this study has varying conclusions. Some universities and science centres have found that if first cousins have kids, the deformalities are actually found to have been lower than non-bloodline related couples. One such article dated 2002:
http://www.washington.edu/newsroom/news/2002archive/04-02archive/k040302a.html
Supposedly in some researches, the higher deformalities study was actually made up as a scare tactic, but I don't you can really find accurate research when it comes to things like these. Especially when there is such an extreme of people in the world.
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (30 April 2007):
 There's nothing legally or morally wrong about dating your cousin. My major concern would be if you were to split up because you're family and would have to continue seeing each other at family social events etc but if you're prepared for that then good luck!
CD
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