A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have just recently broke up with my boyfriend of 6 1/2 yrs and it hurts like hell. There has been many different problems for months and months some fixable some not but when we tried talking about the problems I knew it was over, it's hard to explain but it was like every part of me was saying it's over now you know it is. The problem is although I think I have done the right think by both of us I still love him and he is absolutely devestated, I feel lost and in pain but I'm mostly worried about him. Is this normal because this is my first relationship and I have never experienced a breakup before. Please help.
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female
reader, TEM  +, writes (2 March 2011):
 I know how you feel. When I was your age I had to break up with my boyfriend of 5 years. It was either get married or break up. I could not marry him, so we broke up, and I was heartbroken and so was he.
I did love this man, but we didn't want the same things out of life. If was really tragic. He loved me very much, but our love for each other could not overcome the differences between us. In the end, I came to the realization that he was just not going to be the right life partner for me.
I know it hurts a lot, and it will for some time, but you did the right thing. If you stayed with this man, you would have eventually broken up. If you married him, you would have likely gotten divorced.
I cried every day for a year. That's a lot of pain. This kind of breakup is feels very much like the death of a loved one, except for the fact that the other person is still alive, so there is always the possibility of getting back together. In fact, most couples in your situation usually do, because they are in so much pain. However, this just delays the inevitable.
Face the pain and work through it. There is a reason for the grieving process. Eventually you will put things in the proper perspective and you will feel better. I know that is hard to believe right now, but you will feel better. Also, be kind to yourself during this time. Make sure you get some exercise every day.
It is a good thing that you are doing this while you are still young. You are still young you know. I broke up with my boyfriend when I was 22. I met my husband 2 years later and married him at age 25. He is the right one for me. You will also find the right one, and then you will think that everything turned out for the best.
Hugs,
TEM
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2011): Yes hon, I'm afraid it is normal. I have found break ups to be very painful. It's really nice that you care about how he feels, that shows maturity and real love.
It could be that if you two still have deep feelings for eachother then the relationship is worth saving? Play it by ear and if you can try and be friends and still be kind to eachother that is nice. It's okay to still talk.
Be kind to yourself, make sure you get lots of support from friends and family, eat healthily, take time to relax and try to avoid any drinking benders or rebound flings! Good luck x
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