A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I understand that some of you may think I am purely being selfish but please try and understand what I'm saying....Ok, so my fiancée and I got our own place last year. We had both saved to be able to buy our own place, and when we got engaged it seemed the next step. So we found the prefect home, and moved in last December.Mid January, his sister broke up with her boyfriend and needed a place to stay for a few weeks while she got herself sorted with a new place. My fiancée agreed she could move in with us while she did. I wasn't happy about this as we had only been in our house just over a month. He won me over when he said she would be paying rent and covering a 3rd of all household bills. It meant money we could put towards our wedding, and we both told her she was welcome for up to 3 months. It's now July and she has made no effort to find anywhere else, nor does she pay as much as she promised to! Last month when I work out her share, she paid half of what I had asked for and told me that she needed to buy something (refused to tell me what), and would pay we next time for the other half and what she would owe the next time. I let it go, and said ok.When I asked for the money again last week, she told me that she hadn't work enough hours to pay for this month. When I told her that she still owed me money from last month, she claimed that my fiancée had told her not to worry about it and that she didn't need to pay it. I'm not being horrible but she is still using the electric, gas, water, internet ect just as much as us, so why shouldn't she pay even if she is my future sister in law! She pays 50 a week rent, and it normally works out around a 100-125 a month to cover her share of the household bills. It now been nearly 7 months, and I'm sick of her living here and when she doesn't pay her way, it just makes it worst. She has painted her room, had all her banking, mobile accounts ect changed to our address, and she has just booked a holiday with friends, but claims she can't find anywhere to live due to the costs!My fiancée and I have began fighting over it, and whenever I tell him she has to go, he always says she is my sister, what can I do? Half the time I'm scared to make a noise during sex in case she hears. It's like we have to be silent and lock the door! I love him, and she is a great person, just not to live with! I want this to be our home, please tell me I'm not being selfish and what I can do to make my fiancée see that she has to go?!
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broke up, engaged, fiance, money, moved in, sister in law, wedding Reply to this Question
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female
reader, oldbag +, writes (3 July 2014):
 You both saved hard to buy your own place and the only person who is gaining is the sister of your fiancée
You have been very reasonable and patient. She is profiting from this situation, nobody else.
If your fiancée wants to share the cost of bills so badly then tell him you want her out and a full-paying lodger in!
I would issue an ultimatum, tell your man its her out or you gone and you want him to buy you out. He appears to be blind to how much you are suffering because of her and needs a wake up call.
You are not being unreasonable, its the sister and fiancee who have created the atmosphere and now she's the elephant in the room. Its 'your' home, you saved for it so you have a say in who lives there.
Its a tricky situation.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (3 July 2014):
 Why don't you invite a family member for a holiday at your home and tell you fiancé that the sister needs to move out as its only fair that your family can visit. Its got to be seen as a compromise. Hopefully after the two weeks she will move out as she will get its not a permanent accommodation. If your Fiancé does not ask his sister to vacate the room to allow your family to visit I guess you know where you stand and how marriage would be. The fact the sister has painted the room and living 7 months it does not look like she is moving out any time soon.
Alternatively you could move out and tell him you will move back and pay your share of the bond once she is gone as its unfair for you to pay for his sisters cost.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2014): If YOU put money down on the house along with your fiance, you co-own the house. You are entitled to ask your fiance's sister for the money she owes on utilities.Her priority should be finding a new place, not going out and spending money. Don't be guilt-tripped into the "she's my sister" or "she will be your sister-in-law one day." This would pretty much be unacceptable (her overstaying the 3 months) if you two were married, so why is it fine when you two are engaged? Enable and prolong this behavior and it WILL happen again in the future when another relative has financial/living problems. Don't let her stay more than another month. Let her find a place within 30 days or she can move back with her parents. That's it. You've been considerate. Now you're expected to baby her.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (3 July 2014):
 First of all, you should NOT be the one asking her for money. YOUR fiance should.
And you need to talk to your fiance. REmind him that the DEAL was for 3 months, it's been 7. HE needs to give her 30 days to find her one place.
I get it that it is his sister, I would help out my family as best as I can, but WHEN it starts to affect your relationship? it's no longer beneficial for you two, that is HER using YOU and your fiance. (we had to stay with my BIL for 3 months BUT we payed more than our share, we did MORE than our share of chores - like I cooked for ALL the kids (my 3 and the 3 that was in his house) for breakfast and for ALL 9-12 people who would be around for dinner. Did ALL the laundry - wash/dry and fold. I kept the house clean and watch the kids (theirs), my KIDS did the dishes (with my help), did the shopping.. you name it - WE pitched in and as SOON as finances was settled and a house opened up for rent we were out of there.
I would tell your fiance she has 30 days. AT least that is what I would do.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (3 July 2014):
 You are not being selfish.
You could give an ultimatum, but must be prepared to carry it through if he choses his sister over you ..... which is what he is doing now but he might not realise it until he has to make his decision a conscious one.
His sister is abusing her relationship with him, if she can afford a holiday she can afford to pay her own way in your house.
Good luck, I hope you sort this out, please let us know how you get on.
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