A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I dated my now fiancé several years back and we broke things off because I got back together with an old boyfriend and he started dating his secretary. He and his secretary lived together for 5 1/2 years and their relationship ended over a year ago. My fiancé and I obviously got back together and he proposed. The big problem is that his ex is still his secretary. I trust my fiancé totally, but none of my friends can believe I'm okay with the situation. My friends think it's a very weird situation. I'm pissed because my fiancé subjects me to this uncomfortable situation. What should I do??? I can't ask him to get rid of her because she is a very competent employee, but she runs his life at work. I need help because I can't get over it!!!!
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female
reader, FoxyR  +, writes (8 January 2008):
 Hi
you said that you trust your fiancee but if i think you do its just you dont trust the ex girlfriend and i don't really blame you.
However i think that you should talk to your fiancee and make sure that believe that he's not doing anything.
Because if you can't trust him there's no point being in the realitionship.
A
female
reader, shandygirl +, writes (8 January 2008):
 WoW! My Heart goes out to you. I would not feel comfortable with the situation either. I know that I should say to trust him, and if you don't then leave him.... but I won't. Sometimes certain situations call for different DEGREES of trust.
If I were you... I would keep "one eye open," ...if you know what I mean...
If it were me... I would SNOOP a little. To me, SNOOPING is a way of protecting yourself.
Pay attention as to what time he gets off from work, and what time does he get home. Does he go out for a drink with her after work?
Does he go out to Lunch with her?
Does he email her?
Do they have PHONE CONTACT or email each other when they are not at work?
Do they go on business trips together?
Does he talk about her TOO MUCH?
When he is around her, does he GAZE at her a lot?
Does she GAZE at him a lot?
Does she wear sexy clothing at work... low-cut tops?
On a lighter note, secretaries do play a huge part in someone's life at work. But, but like you, I would be praying that she would quit! Because in my mind, and I am sure in your's too, I fore-see an affair in the future. Or maybe it would never happen. Who knows? But being around her 8 hours a day or more would not make me happy either.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2008): Honey you need to relax. I mean you don't mention that he has done anything wrong. Has he ever cheated on you?? Is he the cheating type? Look it sounds like you trust him and he is a good guy, he even proposed. If you didn't think he is a good guy you wouldn't be with him. Right? So don't fly off the handle and ruin something good with jealousy and suspicion just cause your friends have a problem with it.
And yeah it is an uncomfortable situation that his ex is his secretary BUT you got to handle this rationally. So, put your friends opinions aside, and if this really geuinely bothers you sit down and talk to him and say 'sweetheart I feel uncomfortable that so and so is your secretary and is it possible that you could find someone new.' Say something like that but be respectful and nice about it.
So stop being paranoid, ACCEPT that he loves you and stop stressing and simply talk to him about it with love.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (8 January 2008):
 If your mental and physical health is severely affected, competent or not , she has to go for the sake of your mental and psychological health.You cannot go on in that mental state.You can suggest to him to employ a new one and give her sometime to learn and then allow his ex to leave.It seems that your friends have affected your decisions.I think it is not wise to let them spend most of the working time together, for anything can happen.The temptations is always there.She will be like a thorn in your side always.
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