A
male
age
51-59,
*agger
writes:My Fiance, who is bipolar, recently - when confronted said she wants to be with my friend/boss and has embarked on a relationship with him. I had suspected before this that she was "sinking" into a depression and had also not taken her medication for a week or so shortly before AND come off the contraceptive pill and so I tried to give her some space. After the admission she says that she had a small crush on him for a while and after an apparently untrue rumour that they were already having an affair jokes and comments ensued, it began to actually build up into an idea in her head until it became a "huge thing " she could not control any longer. She says there was very little wrong in our relationship and that she did/does love me but that she feels she ought to give it a go. I get the feeling he has been manipulative in this scenario too playing for her sympathy and then announcing all his feelings for her. I am completely in a mess. I want to contact her everyday and try to get her to see sense.....is this something I should bow out on? I love her so much and just can't get over it at all. It's only been 2 weeks but it feels like forever. I have left our shared home. Please help.
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male
reader, Zagger +, writes (20 April 2007):
Zagger is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your reply I have taken what you have said on board. I have spoken to her since and she is now mentioning things in our relationship which were wrong. When I ask her why she did not talk to me about these things she says that I am a very hard person to talk to but then goes on to say that she had these growing feelings for him throughout. She says that by the time the problems we had became such a big deal to her that she had already fallen for this guy. It seems maybe that the two are connected - she was confused and therefore it was easier for her to let these problems become a big deal as she was looking over her shoulder so to speak rather than actually to try and work through it with me. Its a sorry situation but one I have to accept as she now says she loves this man. It is time for me to take some of the lessons learnt from this onboard and to get on with my own life.
A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (9 April 2007):
 She obviously fancies this other person and has been thinking about having a relationship with him for some time. She doesn't love you though, if she did she would never even think about going down the path she's going down. She seems infatuated with the man and he's been playing her, teasing her even and she's fallen for it. You know... this might not even come to anything, if you really love her then I would wait in the wings for her to come back and be her shoulder to cry on, she'll probably need you.
Eve
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