A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My fiance is not interested in sex much anymore. We have been together for 4 years now and currently only have sex about once a month. This has become a topic of discussion for the past few months and nothing has changed. When we have sex it is amazing for both of us. So I am not sure why the lack of interest. We used have sex many times each month. She says she is still attracted to me and that is not the issue. She says she is not sure why she is not wanting it more. She is in her late 20's and I earl 30's. Any advice you can give me to get us back on track?
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (25 August 2008):
Well a lot depends on how the sex comes about.
If you are both in bed and you just start having a feel around then that can get very routine and very boring very fast.
When was the last time you gave her flowers? Or you both got really dressed up and went out to dinner?
Try just going up to her and kissing her, I mean properly kissing her for longer than a minute, it doesn't have to lead to anything, just make her go weak at the knees a bit. If she is no longer feeling that butterfly in tummy feeling then it is very easy to think your boyfriend is just after sex and not after you.
Make her feel like its her you want and not just sex. Watch her and let her know you are lusting after her, not just that you have decided you are in the mood.
You should be able to win her round.
Good Luck!! xx
A
female
reader, nailglitter18  +, writes (25 August 2008):
 Is she on the pill? The side effects of some birth control pills is lack of libido. Have her talk to her doctor, and if that might be the case, she could try switching brands.
Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2008): Goodness, there could be many, many reasons why this is happening. How is life outside the bedroom? Maybe her passion is there, but it's just hidden..and you need to rekindle it. Are you both emotionally connecting, communicating, building love intimacy this way, as well? Or have things gotten a bit hundrum, in the nonesexual aspects of this relationship? This could be the problem. Listen, when your fiancee says she is still attracted to you..she means it. She loves you but the relationship has stopped working somewhere and you need to find out where. The way I see it, when two good people who love each other, stop connecting emotionally and intellectually, they stop connecting sexually. If you and your fiancee are committed to each other and really want this marriage to work, and still feel compatible in the non sexual areas of your relationship...don't give up.
I also suggest you have her go for a complete check up. Stress, fatigue anxiety and depression can contribute to a low sex drive. Increased levels of stress can influence the hormone balance in a woman's body, affecting her sex drive. It might also be wise to have a physician measure her hormone levels including estrogen, progesterone and testosterone.
Also, a very important thing to consider is the aspect of relationship dynamics. Sexual drive is so much more complicated that just sex and hormones. Being connected to your partner, her body image, mental stimulation and any previous sexual trauma’s are all examples of important factors when considering this problem.
You need to actively investigate here and sit with her and continue to talk openly and honestly, until the both of you can figure this out.
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