A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Alright before i proceed with my question, i ask please do not answer or respond with "then why are you with him" or "just leave him" or such. I would really like to know your advice on how.to fix things and strengthen my relationship rather then just end it...Alright so my fiancé and I have been arguing quite a bit lately he always says its cuz im so oblivious or acting stupid or so on. I ask him how and he gets mad at me for asking questions.. my fiancé he is well bipolar and has multiple personality but does not medicate for he has almost over dosed once before. Whenever we are in person we seem not to fight, we only ever fight online or over text. Currently we only see eachother about once a week until we are able to get our own place. He is constantly telling me that i deserve better that i should just leave but i dont want to be with anyone else. I'd rather stick by him on his good days and bad then not at all. Him and i finally agreed on a date yesterday when to have the wedding but later that night he told me (after a fight) he has came so close to just calling it quits on a couple different occasions. I want to be able to fix thibgs in our relationship but im unsure how. Please please help me. I feel so lost and im not sure what to do anymore..
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male
reader, Garbo +, writes (15 July 2015):
 Tell him that you will be with him only if he takes his medications which will be for life. Once he stops the meds, tell him, you will also stop being with him. Overdose is a bogus excuse to revel in misery.
If you are seeking advice and having tough time now that you see him once a week, imagine your life when you get married and are with him every day, unmedicated! Living with mental illness, particularly with someone who also has anger disorder is nearly impossible. You need to be cognizant of hardship that you will inherit by marrying.
I would also urge you be sure you explain to his psychiatrist the anger component of his bipolarity because it is often overlooked and neglected.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 July 2015):
 I get wanting to stay.
I get loving a dysfunctional person. My husband is very dysfunctional and I love him. He's made some huge changes this year for me including getting sober for the first time in his life. Yet his bad behaviors are still rampant. My therapist says we push each others buttons.
I am working on not pushing his buttons or rewarding his bad behavior.
IF he has mental illness he needs to be under the care of a doctor that is handling his meds. His EXCUSE as to why he does not medicate is bogus. He uses it as a smoke screen.
You have every right to tell him he has to be properly treated/medicated or you can't stay.
I doubt you will do that since you don't want to end it and you will find any way at this point to accept his excuses and his abuse.
Abuse that is mental, emotional and verbal (calling you stupid is abuse) is insidious and creeps in and destroys you.
He is saying you deserve better. He then told you he has tried to end it. He's TELLING you he wants out but he's scared to do it so he mistreats you in the hopes or the joy that you accept it.
Personally if he refuses to see a doctor and be properly treated for his illness, then I would not be with him.
STOP accepting his bad behavior. Set some boundaries such as:
if you call me names we are done for the night. then when he calls you stupid or anything else negative you say "I'm sorry that's not acceptable I will talk to you tomorrow" and end the contact for that night. DO NOT take any calls, texts, emails or contact that night.
the next day forget it happened and start all over.
EVERY time he does this you walk away till the next morning.
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