A
male
age
41-50,
*-W
writes:I feel like I may be acting stupid, but, I have been with my lady for over 2 years and we have been engaged for 6 months and have been living together for 3 months. I thought when a couple gets engaged that they begin to plan the wedding, also, I figured, in my mind, that the girl would be extremely excited to be getting married. When I proposed to my lady, she began to cry and said yes and it was great. Since then she hasn't really planned Anything. The things she has tried to plan and brought up to me, we haven't really agreed on. (But we didn't fight about it either) so, do you all think she actually doesn't want to get married, or am I just exaggerating? She says she is worried about spending all the $ on a wedding and would rather just go to a courthouse to get married. I told her I want to try and give her a nice wedding, rather than just go to a courthouse! Now there is basically no planning of the wedding, and I'm not sure if I should just forget about marrying this lady?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, R-W +, writes (25 June 2009):
R-W is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, we did talk, and she does want to get married, and just have a simple small wedding, which I am fine with. I just figured most women would be like some "bridezilla" and go nuts w/the whole thing, and that is what I was kind of expecting. I suppose I should have just spoke with her in the 1st place. Thanks everyone for the help. :-)
A
female
reader, babymama99 +, writes (25 June 2009):
 No need to cancel the wedding. she IS excited about marrying you, just not so excited about this big expensive wedding. she still loves you, you still love her. She just dosen't want a huge wedding. Maybe she is not much for planning, you need to sit down and talk to her about what she wants for her wedding. And voice your opinion about what you want because its your wedding too. You told her you wanted to give her a nice wedding, maybe all she wants you to give her is YOU!!When I got married I wanted 3 things, a nice dress, a church and a preacher to officiate. I only wanted immediate faimly there to witness. we'll this thing snowballed into something I didn't recongize it turned into a huge event. now 11 years later I still look back and shake my head.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2009): No. I do not know if you have had a talk with her about it , but if you feel so strongly about it, and you really donot know how she feels, just go a head and talk. If after that you feel as if you need to think about what she said or you dont think it'll work then suspend it for a year or so, but NEVERNEVER cancel it.you wrote in the letter that she burst into tears, by that in its self you should believe in yourself that'yes' she does want this. i bet that if you ask her what she thinks about it she will say that she loves you and wouldnt want anything elsegood luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2009): I think in most cases a wedding is more for the benefit of the bride and her mother than the groom and his father. All attention will be on her when she makes her grand entrance, and afterwards there'll be a line-up to kiss the bride while the groom stands to one side and tries to smile. I suppose what I'm trying to say is that a wedding is for all the ladies to get into their finery, buy new outfits and shoes whereas for most weddings the men pull out that suit from the back of the wardrobe to see if it still fits. Basically it will be Her Day rather than yours. For future peace, harmony and tranquility, if at all possible go along with what she wants.
The first time I got married we had the whole white wedding thing with God only knows how many guests. At the reception all those guests ate and drank their fill at our expense - which cost us an arm and a leg. And for what? It was all over in a matter of hours and we could have had enough cash to put a deposit down on a house for what it cost.
The second time was a register office 'do' and we had the reception at a local pub. I put £150 over the bar and told the barman that when it was all used up the guests had to buy their own drinks. We put on a small buffet. Total cost around £250, and we went on a fabulous holiday afterwards.
The only people I know of who get engaged and married a very short time afterwards are our Royalty, several of whom seem to get divorced not too long afterwards. If I were you I'd sit back and relax and enjoy being engaged for the time being. Bring the subject up in about 12 months time unless she beats you to it. Fools rush in where angels fear to tread, that sort of thing!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2009): Are you guys really on the same wavelength? Are you sure a big wedding is what she wants? Some people are just uncomfortable about throwing a party for themselves. Maybe she'd simply prefer to take vows in front of family alone. It's the vows that are important, not a reception for dozens of people. For goodness sake, talk!! I can't believe that you'd think about walking away because she doesn't want to plan an extravaganza!
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