A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I left my fiancee 4 months ago (very hard to do). We were together for 6 yrs. I found out he cheated and she is now pregnant. He never told me all this, I found out on my own. He kept lying behind my back. First he said he was just friends with her and wasnt intimate...then he says she's pregnant (which is true). This girl started calling me private several times a day. I dont know her and she's torturing me. Instead of his family standing up for what's right...they blamed me for his cheating. They are a controlling family who only wants my fiancee to be with them 24/7 and he is in his mid 30's (never been married; has no kids). He's not a child. When we were together they wanted us to be only with them and not my family. They tried to control our lives, and he let them. He tells them one thing to make them happy, while he tells me the opposite to make me happy.Now, that Im away from him. He keeps contacting me (email) constantly, sending flowers, gifts, etc...He asks me why Im not responding to him and when I do he gets hasty/cusses that I left and tries to turn things around on me as if i cheated. He acts so many different ways, I dont know what's wrong with him. He blames me for leaving but he's not seeing WHY i left. He's not even showing he's sorry for what he did. All he can do is SAY it. His family have him in control. While behind their back he sends me things and contacts me. I dont contact him back and he will be persistent and keep doing it. I can stop all emails/phone but he will continue. Why is he acting two different ways? Any advice is helpful.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2008): Oh my goodness poor you, these people sound like a nightmare! It sounds like you've had a lucky escape from all of them!
You must be feeling all over the place right now, I would do as all the previous posters suggested, politely say leave me alone and cut off all contact!
Dive headfirst into your friends and family and keep your chin up, no-one in their right mind would expect you to accept behaviour like that!
God, if my fiancee kissed another girl Id leave him, let alone got her pregnant and then blamed me!
Big hug! x x x
A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (4 March 2008):
 Hi,
You are wrapped up in one twisted family situation. There are some out there alright, just count your lucky blessings you are out of it and you split before he got you pregnant.
For a start he cheated on you and got the girl pregnant which meant unprotected sex ( I hope you got yourself checked out ).
If I were you I would change my mobile number , all contact details and if he somehow manages to get in contact with you tell him you will get a restraining order - and do it if he does - you don't need seriously unhinged people in your life, and you certainly don't need to be dragged into his and his family's twisted little world.
Count yourself lucky you are free, but avoid him like the plague, put it down to bad experience and you will meet someone new soon enough. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 March 2008):
 Unless you like being a martyr, I think you should just cut off contact with anyone having to do with this man; including the pregnant girlfriend, his family and him. If she calls you, say 'can't talk now, I'm in the middle of something.' Then don't call back. Block her number.
Unless you like the role of victim (as I think you see it) or "persecutor" (as I think they see you) I would send back any flowers/gifts/cards immediately, If you feel up to it, send them on to him or his family, with a note included saying that you do not wish to be contacted by your ex-fiance again, due to the pain this is causing you. Actually, I don't think that would be the best thing to do, but I'm suggesting that you imagine that you have done this, as a way to help you get some control over your feelings of helplessness in dealing with this.
You had a reason for leaving him; remember it, and stand strong. Don't get sucked into this cycle if you don't want to be part of this family. Say a sad goodbye to the 6 years, and wave a grateful and thankful hello to your many years of the future without him or his family! There are so many wonderful people out there to meet and get to know, you've only just begun to see the bright new life you'll have.
All the best to you!
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A
male
reader, Bronze +, writes (3 March 2008):
The pregnant mistress seems to be more of "the last straw" in a bigger problem with your ex and his family. It obviously doesn't sound like you were happy with them or how the relationship was going, and his behavior after the fact doesn't seem like he finds his actions the least bit lamentable.
To me, you did the right thing in ending the realtionship with your ex. Continue to stand your ground and express that you don't want someone who can't be his own person and be true to himself or to you. You want a boyfriend/husband, not a puppet.
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