A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am a 20 year old male and im posting this because i simply do not know what to do with m y fiance. her sex drive is low and mine is pretty high. We have been together for 2 years so far.We started having sex pretty early in the relationship and maybe that why she doesnt seem to care much for sex like she use to. I just am pretty tired of all the empty promises she tells me or when she is actually in the mood she'll touch me then stop and that it. Leaving me sitting there with more sexual frustration then the last. I just wanna someone how lower my sex drive so i dont have to try anymore. I have tried everything to get her to have sex but nothing work and i'll end up touch her at night to arouse her (use to work in the past) but i just get yelled at now. so I just wanna forget about the word "sex" with this one. Is there anyway to even stop yourself from getting horny? Because maybe if i dont ever mention sex she'll eventually crack and want to. instead of me touching her and getting lucky. I wanna feel the love by her making the first move for once like it use to be back then.So if anyone has any tips for me how to stop getting honry period or anything towards her i can do to boost her sex drive that would be great.
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fiance, horny, in the mood, period, sex drive Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Diamondintheruff +, writes (29 February 2012):
 Im asking myself that same question right now. And the only thing I can tell u is lots of self satisfaction. Im in the same rut only my husband is the one lacking behind. (yea figure that one out) Other than that i'ld ask her about an open relationship. Im about to. Good luck!
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (28 February 2012):
 Oh, and if you stop coming on to her for sex, if you stop initializing... She wont initialize or want sex. She'll probably not even notice the sacrifices you make. I did that, I tried to not take the first step, but what happened is that I just went for a month with no sexual contact at all, until I finally caved. He barely noticed, and wouldn't even discuss it the times I brought it up.
It wont get fixed. And she wont notice if you stop asking for sex, she'll just be relieved and carry on as she normally does.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (28 February 2012):
Stop thinking there is something wrong with you that you need to change. If anything at least ask your girlfriend to also start getting active when it comes to finding ways to increase her sex drive.
Don't marry her. Being constantly rejected and feeling unwanted hurts too much over time. She wont ever change, and neither will you. There is no magic fix to these things. Either accept that your sex life will be exactly as it is right now for the rest of your time with her... or realize that you need more and move on to someone more compatible.
I left a boyfriend once who never or barely initiated sex as well. At least he was interested when I initiated, but it was always me who did all the work. So you're worse off than I was then, and even so I was getting so tired and hurt by it. When I left him I felt happy, and when I found someone who loved to SHOW me he desire for me, initiated, was passionate, cuddled me and held me all the time... Well I'm telling you I've never been so happy. You don't know how important it is to just have someone initiate sex and show a desire for you, until you've been in a situation like yours. After having been where you are now these things will become more and more important to you. And as such, your relationship can not last. It becomes more important to you to have the exact thing she isn't giving you... With time this need will just be greater in you, not smaller.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2012): Reduce sex drive? You could always start taking antidepressants, stop exercising, get a more stressful job with unreasonable hours, abstain from healthy foods, or get heavily into porn so that eventually you'll find her less attractive. Of course all these are terrible ideas. A 20-year-old is supposed to be horny, it's an indicator of health and that everything is working the way it should.There may be some spiritual practices you can do, for example Buddhist meditation, to purify your mind and free yourself from attachment to physical pleasures. I tend to see those as more for single people who have no outlet, not for someone soon to be married. Even the Bible says married people must not deny themselves to each other.I do think that if you stop coming to her for sex, after a while that will make her start wondering and undermine her security a bit. So give it a try. She can't exactly complain, since she's been treating you the same way and should know how it feels. She may start having sex again, though it will only be to get back her feeling of security (your desire for her).It's commendable how you've considered changing yourself first before making demands that she change for you. And that you don't see the mere fact of being horny as justification to do anything and everything you can to satisfy it, as a lot of guys do. However, what you're experiencing now is a taste of things to come. Usually the sex drought comes after years of marriage, but yours came much earlier. That doesn't bode well for your relationship. You may want to ask yourself whether you can live this way for the rest of your marriage, because that's what marrying this person may mean.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 February 2012):
 You can’t lower a sex drive as it’s internal. You can masturbate to relieve the tension but it’s not the same thing. IF you were sexual before and now are not, you need to consider that you’re not sexually compatible…. IF you think that it will get better as time goes on, it will not.
This may be a breaking point for your relationship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2012): You are just one of oh so many men who have experienced this; she has caught you and now she feels that she doesn't have to bother anymore.
You do know that it will never get any better, don't you?
You want to live like a monk? Ok, then carry on as you are.
You want to have a sex life? Then walk, and find someone compatible with your sex drive.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (28 February 2012):
 PLEASE listen closely to what I am about to write:
IF your fiance, is not putting out now, there is nothing magic that will happen, following the nuptials, that will make her resume doing so.... In fact, there's ample evidence that the simple act of eating WEDDING CAKE can totally suppress a woman's sexual desires... and the effect can last FOREVER!!!
Sooooo, make up your mind. Are you gullible enough to actually go ahead in to a marriage..... in which this woman is going to frustrate you for its duration? ... OR, are you smart enough to recognize the future that is staring at you, and GET OUT NOW????
Your call.....
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