A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Is it unreasonable to confront my Fiance on his recent porn watching on my computer that my young teenage daughter uses as well? I am another one who is not thrilled about him watching the porn, but he can do what he wants (I'd rather not know about it), just NOT where my children could get to it! I could tell by the search that he was trying to figure out how to delete it, but he couldn't. I don't wish to embarrass him, but damn't that was a stupid move on his part.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2011): I think you need to confront him. The fact that he did this at your home and in this situation is not good. It suggests an addiction to me and maybe something more serious that you will have to deal with if you marry him.
A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (15 January 2011):
 Make as much "light" as you want sweetheart..this is your space, and it's your house and your relationship.
Kid didn't see anything, so not much harm done. This gives you an excellent opportunity to talk about an embarrassing subject in a adult way. I like things better in the open where there is less chance of hurt feelings and misunderstandings.
See if you can find a suitable alternative (or at least a better location) for when your out of action. Personally I prefer your way, waiting and increasing sexual tension...makes things more explosive when your physically ready to play. But I must admit that it is very hard on a man. (cheap pun included)
lol..don't put off what you can do today, it'll just build resentment and if he gets caught again, he'll be paying for a crime he can't remember.
Good luck to both of you. If the conversation gets sticky, you can end it and go back to it another time when tempers have cooled down.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2011): Thanks everyone for the feedback. I am going to talk to him about it in a non-confrontational way because it is the first time he has done it (at least I am pretty sure) and nip this one in the bud. I can't possibly know what prompted him to do this, and I will ask for an explanation, but I highly suspect it had a lot to do with "our sexual tension" that was building up in the past week lol. I was out of commission, you know...period and we have been on a tease for the past three-four days, waiting to get at each other. I'm not making light of the situation, believe me, this was out of line, but I am hoping that's all it was.
I did think about it and was going to wait and see if it was a one time thing because of this, and if I saw it again, I would say something, but I realize if I so easily saw it, so could my daughter. No, can't happen, can't take that chance.
Thanks again.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2011): I too am a pro porn person. Sex is natural and not dirty. Movies show blood and gore and decapitations all the time, but porn is somehow taboo, probably because it involves pleasure.
With that said, I think you need to confront him and explain that you have no problem with porn (at least it seems like you are okay with it), but he should not surf on a computer used by children. I think if you approach it maturely and tell him that you are okay with porn, but not his choice of computers, then he won't get defensive or embarassed.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (11 January 2011):
Perfectly reasonable to say.. No porn in my house, no porn on my daughters computer. Say it as simple as that and then end the conversation. Same as you'd say if someone started smoking dope in your kitchen, or put their feet on your table, or smoked a pipe in your bedroom. Because your being reasonable, it's perfectly suitable to say, please have manners and respect my family and my house. Not in here, please get your own computer or find another way of getting your porn fix.
You won't look rude, or uptight, you'll just make him feel embarrassed for being inconsiderate.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2011): Sorry but what kind of a guy would do this? Why is everyone so casual about it? What in the hell is he watching porn in a household where his stepdaughter lives? I would be very unsettled finding this and no way would I feel comfortable with him around my daughter. Only an idiot would do this. I am a male and I wouldnt dream of watching porn as I have a step daughter and a step son at home. Shame on this guy...
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (11 January 2011):
 I'm one of the people here who typically defends porn use. But absolutely not when there's the risk of exposing kids to it. How on earth could your kids ever have a decent relationship with their step-father if they know his porn habits? That's just wrong.
You're absolutely right, it was a stupid move on his part. And you are completely justified in talking to him about it, and demanding that it not be repeated. He can go buy himself a cheap computer and put a password on it.
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A
female
reader, ToHereKnowsWhen  +, writes (11 January 2011):
 Yes, you would be right in confronting your fiance. I think it would be unnecessary to go at him like a demon, but just talk to him calmly about this situation and how concerned you are that your daughter may find out or may have already found out about his viewing habits. You could also mention your attitude about the porn just as you said in your post, only so he knows where you're coming from... and for goodness sake show him how to clear his viewing history.
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