A
female
age
36-40,
*ovemy3girls
writes:Me and my fiance have been together for awhile we just recently got engaged a few months ago. We have talked about our future a lot. I have 3 kids and he has accepted them. He loves them very much and they love him. We have talked about having kids on our own and we decided that if we have any it wouldn't be anytime soon. It would be when they are all in school and we own our own home. I have been taking bith control to prevent this. The only thing is now i might be pregnant birth control didn't work. I'm prgnant. Now my problem is that when i would joke around asking him "what would you do if I was pregnant?" his reply consisted of several different ones. " I would Kill myself" " I would drive you to the Abortion Clinic" ( I don't believe in abortions my own personal choice, I wouldn't handle it well after) but mostly he would say the different ways he would kill himself and talk about how hes not ready to be tied down that way. He want to be able to do what he wants and not have to take care of a baby. I don't know what to do I'm so scared to tell him and I know I have to. Anybody please help me. We have such a perfect relationship and I don't want to lose him but I think he will leave me because of this. I really won't be able to get an abortion mentally and emotionally.
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female
reader, lovemy3girls +, writes (30 August 2009):
lovemy3girls is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for your help. I'm going to tell him the next night we have alone. and to the one who wants to say things without knowing me don't. My kids were planned I was in love once before and was hurt badly by the father of my kids. Then I found my fiance and the love we have is better. You guys are right if he loves me then everything will be okay. Again, thank you so so very much!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2009): I'm not sure why it doesn't raise a flag with anyone else here that you have 3 kids by your early 20s, still single, and now you're pregnant again when your fiance doesn't want one. I can't help but wonder how hard you are really trying to avoid all these pregnancies. Accidents happen once in a while but not like this.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (28 August 2009):
I'm sure he was being overly dramatic about what he said if you two had a child together. He could possibly walk, or maybe not. But while he wants to be an idiot, you can let him walk. Let him know that you're pregnant and you're not having an abortion. It takes 2 people to make a child, it's not like you impregnated yourself. If he walks, you'll know what kind of man he really is and that your "perfect relationship" really isn't so perfect; then you can thank your lucky stars you never married the jerk.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 August 2009):
 I'm sorry he sounds utterly immature.
He rather die then take are of a fourth child? That doesn't sound very smart nor mature.
You will have to tell him, no matter what. If he sticks around then maybe he isn't half bad if he doesn't? Well, then I think you are better off..
BY the way you didn't get pregnant ALL BY YOURSELF.. ok? It takes 2 people.. IF he is so against a pregnancy then MAYBE he should have used a condom EVERY time as well as you taking the pill.... Don't assume ALL the responsibility in this, honey.
Good luck,
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2009): If he loves you and is a decent person, he'll suck it up and take responsibility for what he's done. If you don't want an abortion, that should be the absolute last word as far as he's concerned.
You have three kids already, but you're willing to marry a guy who'd rather kill himself than care for a baby? Good heavens, he sounds like he needs to do a great deal of growing up. You say your relationship is otherwise perfect, but I really have to wonder if he has a place in your existing children's lives.
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A
male
reader, Ifyoudontmind +, writes (27 August 2009):
Now, here is the thing.. I am a firm believer that you are never fully ready to have a child. There is never the perfect time.. I mean really think about it. You can have a beautiful home, and have a career, its still going to be hard. There is no right time. And males, we tend to run from commitment, and a child is very very permanent. It can be overwhelming. I think if you really talk to your guy, and let him know, your not getting an abortion, you want this child. Its time to man up. If he wanted a child at any point in time, he can be mature enough and be ready. If he loves you, and he is even a fraction of a man. He would never leave you, force you into an abortion, and commit suicide over the beautiful conception that is a child.-iydm
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A
female
reader, Kavanna  +, writes (27 August 2009):
 Even though you are some what unsure on what he might say or do does not mean anything you should let him no because not telling will hurt more. My boyfriend told me he dont want kids at all and now I might be prego but he told me if I am he dont know what is going to happen he also said that a chick should never just make her mind up from what a man say when he is not in that predicament because they say whats on there minds right then. Dont jump to thinking that he might kill him self are walk away he might just jump with joy
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A
female
reader, helpful person +, writes (27 August 2009):
Thats great news a new baby but sweetness don't hold it back from him besides baby are a gift from god he will come around tell him if you don't soon it might get ugly later
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2009): Hi there lovemy3girls, This sounds really tough. We don't want him to do anything stupid and i'm not sure if he's bluffing or not but it's really not something to mess around with, is it?The only thing I can think of, is offering to take care of the baby yourself and he takes frequent visits and helps financially and gets to know the child on his own terms, without having to take care of it. It makes me sad that he won't take responsibilty for his part of the conception, but we can't just change his mind. And whenever he's ready to be a father, he can move in with you and marry you.As for the way you tell him, there really is no better way. You just have to make sure you're alone and have ample time to discuss what will happen in detail. Reach a solution. Just be straightforward with all your intentions and thoughts on it and be sure to collect all of his. Be clear that you are against abortion and will not go against that. The child is his, and when he's ready, he will accept that. Be strong and goodluck.
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