A
female
age
41-50,
*abyblueeyes
writes:I've been with my partner for 6 years. We got engaged last year. My son and I live with my dad after the death of my mum last year. The plan was to move in with my partner once an extension on the house has been completed as it is currently too small for us to move in with him and his daughter. Since we set the date for late October this year for completion I have had to push my partner to get planning permission and building regs. We are now stuck because I'm unable to get a loan for my half of the costs and I honestly thought my partner would offer me as he has the money. He said he could help but it wouldn't be right. If he wanted this as much as me I think he would help. I'm so sad I gave up my home to move in with my dad for a while on the promise of us being a family this October. I would rather be on my own than feel like this. He asks me to go stay the weekends but it's not what I want. I'm 40 years old. He says things like it would have been less hassle if it was just me as we would not have to build. We have both been married before and the last 6 years hasn't been easy. I have a good job and financially independent but past history has ruined my credit rating. Can anyone advise if there is anything I could do or say to my partner or should I walk away????
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (24 July 2015):
 Oh What!!
I wouldn't walk, I would be running away, very fast!
Why should you be paying for extensions to his house?
How old is your son who is now being cited as a stumbling block?
How nice and kind of him to expect you to visit weekends so he can get his bit of nookie on the side and maintain his single lifestyle during the week.
Tell him to shove his long engagement and any offers he makes somewhere sideways, preferable where the sun don't shine.
Talk to your dad, let him know the fiancé has turned out to be a first class prat and you need to impose on dad for a little longer.
Save like mad and find somewhere of your own to live in.
I wish you luck, and happiness, please come back and let us know how you get on.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (24 July 2015):
 Who owns "the house"?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 July 2015):
 How old is your son?
Maybe if he is an adult it DOES make more sense to NOT build on to a house for a 18+ "kid". But with that said, it's HIS house, if he KNEW that there needed to be added room to the house for you two to move in, the COST is his - I say that.. because If he tomorrow or anytime BEFORE the marriage decides to sell the house... HE gets the money, legally. HE gets the benefit of the added room in the equity of HIS house.
What would make WAY more sense if find a house you can BOTH afford to share and has enough room.
My guess is though that your partner doesn't WANT to add on to the house, THAT is why he is now changing the "rules".
If I were you I'd talk to a financial consultant about HOW you can fix your credit (not for the add on but for YOUR future).
I don't really see how you can move in with him. What are you supposed to do with your son (if he is not able to be out on his own) ?
I think if you dad is able to care for himself, you should look for a place for you and your son that YOU can afford.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (23 July 2015):
 This sounds like a recipe for disaster and financially unwise.
His remarks about it would be ''easier'' if it were just you alone as just horrible. Imagine if you said that to him? Thereby dismissing his daughter as an unwanted emcumberance as he is implying about your son.
Any extension advantages him and
improves the value of his property and improves his financial position in the future when he sells the property.
You paying for the extensions is dead money for you.
There is no security for any lender even if you have a quadruple gold star outstanding credit rating as you are being treated (by him) as a tenant being asked to pay upfront for the building of premises you will not own in the future.
Is he just after a domestic goddess and a partner for sex?
His intentions are waving flags for me.
You have already given up your home in the expectation of this becoming a long term permanent relationship.
While he has been the reluctant one.
After all these years he finally was happy to be engaged.
If he was truly genuine I think he would be falling over himself to get things all done and to your satisfaction.
I think he also has a mean streak.
''it wouldn't be right''??? What is that all about?
Does he just see you and your son as an inconvenient millstone around his neck, BUT he does enjoy the sex when it's on offer?
Get out before this man uses you any further.
Find a place of your own not too far from your Dad and keep on building up your own financial reserves.
If you now have your own finances in good order then keep on building up your standing financially by saving regularly and thereby having a good record to show the bank in case you do ever want to go to the bank for a loan to purchase a home that will be of benefit to you and your son in the future.
Sounds like your fiance is good at promising the world, but not delivering.
With that track record he will find another partner and will string her along too. Let that not be your concern. You already know that he procrastinates and is less than generous when it counts.
Eventually a nicer guy than your fiance will come along.
Ps: after six years you are entitled to keep the ring even if your fiance asks for it back. I assume he did buy a ring? Or did you have to pay for that too?
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