A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My family and a lot of my friends say I should tell my ex boyfriend that he can't have anything to do with our unborn child when he arrives since he has made hardly any effort to be there for me when I have needed him since he started a new relationship. To be fair to him, I ended things because his reaction to my pregnancy annoyed me. He told me that I'd have to 'get rid'. He came round to the idea and he tried to get me back but I couldn't let go of the fact he wanted me to abort our child but I agreed he could be as bigger part as he would like.First scan, doctors appointments, etc he was at all of them until he met his girlfriend.He missed my 20 week scan, telling me he had to work but when I spoke to his mum later that day she told me he had finished earlier then.he had told me. He promised to buy the pushchair I'd choosen, only to tell me with 7 weeks to go that it's too expensive and I'd have to pay half.He promised to come to all hospital appointments but he always lies about why he cant make it or asks if his girlfriend can come. He says she will just wait in the car, and that she wants to be a part of it all but I don't want her there!He hasn't helped out with any of the things we need for the baby, and he had told me that he would set up a direct debit for child support but he has now told me that he doesn't believe he should have to pay so much as we had agreed. I asked for £35 a week, he says £20 is fair. I'm due in 6 weeks, and he has just rang me tonight to tell me he has booked a holiday with his girlfriend and some friends in 3 weeks time for 2 weeks but he assures me that he will be back for the birth! I'm no angel but I've tried with him and I've not fought with him but after tonight I've had enough. I rang my sister in law in tears and she told me to just forget him and tell him if he wants to see my child he will have to do it through the courts. I'm seriously thinking about it. Everyone is saying the same thing to me. Is that fair? I'm sick of trying with him.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2015): Although i understand why you feel the way you do, no matter what your family or friends say, the fact remains 'the child is NOT just YOUR child it is his child as well. The fact that he has let you down on so many occasions is not really the issue it's about building a relationship with the child when it is born. He said what he said at the outset, then changed his mind, people do get scared, especially young people to have a life long commitment, maybe he can be forgiven for his first reaction. Keep your friends opinions out of YOUR child's future, it has nothing to do with them and only makes issues worse. This is about what is best for your child, how both parents can love their child. Yes he must be responsible and pay for his child but please don't use the child as a tool to attack. Parental alienation is so common and is abuse, CHILD's feelings is all that matter, parents should be grown up enough to move on and build good lives. If you had to go it alone, then let it be his choice not yours, or your friends. Be happy.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2015): Your family is right.Lawyer up. Make sure you get full custody in case that he gets funny after the birth.
I'm sorry,but his reaction told you all you needed to know. He didn't want to be a dad. You decided to be a single mum.
That's ok,but you don't need any extra drama right now and it looks like he wants to "play family" with the gf.You need to protect your own best interests and that of your child.
He told you in straight text about the baby, and now I'm telling you straight about him: "Get rid."
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (24 July 2015):
 There are two issues here. One is his rights to see his child. The other is his financial responsibility.
I think you put a lot of emphasis on his being there with you, understandably, at milestone medical appointments. As the arrival of the girlfriend appears to have changed his approach to impending fatherhood, you will need to take steps to protect the child.
So I would stop trying to get him to experience an epiphany like "Oh my goodness I'm going to be a Dad I'll have to stop being such a prat and show up for things and dump my new girlfriend and be there for all intents and purposes for the mother of my child!"
He's already demonstrated again and again that will not be the case for him.
Go see a solicitor, make sure you get his financial support of his child taken care of, and at that time discuss visitation.
At this point, the thing you need to be focused on his making sure your child has all his or her supporters working for him or her.
Sorry the baby daddy turned out to be a guy who didn't want to be a baby daddy.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 July 2015):
 Go through the courts. THAT way it is in writing and you BOTH have to abide by the rules.
I think a little bit of this has to do with you being 1. pregnant and 2. a bit jealous that you got replaced so soon.
Honestly, I get that you don't want her involved, but you DO understand that IF he gets visitations... SHE might be there? She MIGHT be a part of your child's life? Even a positive one?
As for how much he should pay? LET the courts settle that. He is trying to get away with paying as little as possible. As for his promises... don't try and "make" him buy you things. Wrap your mind around to the fact that you ARE a single mom and he is USELESS. However IF the courts demand he pay XX then he HAS to pay XX.
As for the vacation, well he can do as he pleases. If he misses the birth.. that is on him. The kid is not going to wait. And you... REALLY need to not believe all his "promises", this guy is FULL empty promises... He can talk the talk, but not walk the walk.
So yes, GO through the courts for visitation and child maintenance.
Not for your sake or his, but for your child's.
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