A
female
age
30-35,
*ulai.2011
writes:Dear cupid , Ive been engaged for a year now , my fiance and i we're supposed to get married at the end of this year , but last minute he drops a bomb on me saying that he has financle issues he needs to take care of and cannot get married this year , I accepted it. then last night i was skyping him and saw him taking shots i asked him what that was he said it testosterone therapy i didnt know what that was so i googled it , it turns out that hes low on tr and this trt reduces ur sperm to the point where ur infertile.i was shocked because he never told me about it since we've spoken multiple times about having children he never mentioned that theres a high chance he cannot have any , when i went to talk to him about it , he replied with this is a personal matter and it has nothing to do with u. i was hurt, he tried to turn the table on me saying well there might also be a chance where u cannot have kids either u never know i might die tommorow and after that he kept saying that its my fault that im not listening to him we hung up and he turned off his phone , i dont know what to do ! I'm so hurt and i feel like ive been betrayed!
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 March 2018):
 Is he military?
If he is, at least THAT side of it (the taking care of the meds, testing him etc. should be on point).
Also, TRT can make people VERY up and down emotionally (not making excuses for him but there are times where some of the types (like the gel and patches) actually converts into estrogen - something men DO NOT need and it DOES affect them.) but he should ALSO be tested for his sperm count ( that is the norm - I asked hubby who also went through the TRT while serving in the military) So he SHOULD know what his sperm count is.
As for not disclosing this to you due to you two being LD, that is not a good excuse either. If you want to make it work with him, ASK him to have a sperm count done when coming state side again.
Also if he is deployed with the military, well then perhaps I can see why he is being this defensive about it. He is in a high stress situation DAILY. Having kids might be the least of his thoughts.
Has he been married prior? Where does his "bad financial state" stem from?
Are YOU sending him money? If you are, I'd definite stop.
And last but not least... If he had low testosterone, one way to improve sperm count is with gonadotropin injections. This stimulates the production of sperm. So having low T doesn't always EQUAL no kids.
But you two need to have this conversation face to face.
A
female
reader, Tulai.2011 +, writes (10 March 2018):
Tulai.2011 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes my relationship with his is long distance, he is deployed i only see him 1 every 6 months, we hardly spend any time together, i tried so hard to try yo get him to focus on us and our relationship since he promised me marriage at the end of the year but he said he has financial issues he needs to take care of and marriage cannot happen this year and he doesnt know when he eill stop deploying and spend time with me and work on our relationship, all he says is there's nothing i can do about it now
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 March 2018):
 From the sound of things you should be glad that you did not get married this year. It sounds like you both are no where near ready for marriage and a life together.
Do you both live together? Surely it would be a very hard thing for him to hide from you if you are both in the process of organizing a wedding? Also it is not something he should have told you over the internet, do you spend quality time together? Is this a long distant relationship?
I can only imagine that you where shocked, that is a major thing for him to keep from you if you are both getting married and planning children. If he is not prepared to discuss this with you and to talk about it as a couple then it is good you have found this out now before getting married to each other. Yes it may be a personal matter, but it is also a personal matter for you as well if you are getting married. Could it be that he is lying to you? Anything could have been in that shot, maybe he doesn't want to talk about it because he is lying. Do you trust him? Honestly I think you need to give him the ring back and either work on the relationship or end it. There is no way you can both commit to marriage when he is acting like this. This should never even been discussed over the phone this is something that should be spoke about face to face.
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A
female
reader, Heartlove +, writes (5 March 2018):
He's defensive; hiding something he didn't want you to know.
Maybe there are other secrets waiting to be revealed.
If it were me I'd probably call it quits... that's hard because you love him.But if you're still In the game get a professional back ground check on him.
This sounds like a blessing in disguise... not sure
he is going to be "Mr Right." If he doesn't want to go with
You to premarital counseling I'd be exiting.... keep us posted.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (4 March 2018):
 Many countries have laws against this: hiding medical information from your spouse. He was to marry you, so he should have been upfront about his medical condition. Especially as it could mean he may never be able to father children. He lied to you by omission. You talked about children, and he pretended all along that he could have them.
Yes, you don't know if you will be able to have children or not. And you might get hit by a buss tomorrow and die. But he KNEW about this. That is the difference. He KNEW and he decided NOT to tell you. So this is betrayal of your trust and a lie by omission.
I would also question why he is delaying the wedding plans, and the fact that you dont seem to live near one another. I would advice you not to get married to this man. He has proven to you that he is not an honest man, and he has proven, by action, that he does not prioritize your wedding. He puts it off for financial issues? Then that also means he is a man with poor financial skills, which is also a red flag.
Be warned. This man is not husband material.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2018): How do you really know what was in that shot?You really do not.Unless he showed you the vial you have no idea what he is shooting up.He has already lied to you.He could even be a herion addict.Mmmmm life with a lier who might not be able to have kids or life with a junkie.Time to find a real man..one you can really trust not this guy.Dump him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2018): There's no need to get into it with him. His reaction to your surprised discovery was unbelievable. You're engaged to be married, and his possible infertility is personal?!!!
Going off-line and shutting-off his phone on me mid-discussion would have done it for me! His credibility is totally shot!
Stick his ring back in the box and return it to him. Make totally sure he receives it. Don't mail it, unless you send it certified receipt. Don't send it via a friend. It's better to place it in his hand.
That is not the kind of information you hide from your fiance. Especially when having children has been discussed. Unless he takes a fertility test; you don't really know how low is sperm-count is.
His alleged testosterone injection therapy is not completely verified; you don't know what he had in the syringe.
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A
male
reader, Allumeuse  +, writes (3 March 2018):
Do you guys live together? Do you live in the same area? Do you see each other most days even.
This kind of secret can only be kept in a long distance relationship. If you can't be close to each other its too easy to keep secrets, to be someone you aren't.
When you combine this with his financial revelations you should break off this engagement until you both know about each other.
If you are going to marry someone you should know about how their finances are going, know about their health. If these things are a mystery to you, why are you considering marriage. That is before I get to his attitude!
What grown man about to get married considers his health and his fertility his business?
This is a man who doesn't want to share everything yet, and until he is ready you should not marry him. If anything, his finances may have saved you. If you do decide to get married- to anyone, always live in the same place, town as they do, know their friends, know their parents and family, spend days or weeks in their company on a trip for instance, know their habits, see them at their lowest- sick or sad or angry,know what their bathroom looks like and how often they change the sheets. Make sure they are comfortable confiding in you about their hopes and fears because everybody has them. Make sure you are willing to confide in them.
I know this is a blow but this is as big a deal as you think it is. If he wants to downplay it, go with him to his doctor and get a professionals opinion.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 March 2018):
I'd give him his ring back.
You can not start a life together when hiding things like this. Why does he think it has nothing to do with you?
While there is NO way of knowing how BAD his medical issues are, maybe including YOU would have been better. I think what he was TRYING to do was get you to marry him on a false situation.
Now my guess is for HIM this is a VERY personal matter, because testosterone is the main male hormone and it IS uncommon for someone in their 20's to have low T which MIGHT affect other areas of his health. He might find the issues he is having very emasculating and thus having a go at you instead of including you in what's going on.
But, I say give the ring back because id THIS is how he deals with problems (hiding it and then blaming you) how is that going to work in a marriage?
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