My Fiance left me with our 2 year old child. Please help I'm feeling so lost

A male age 41-50, *ippi writes:

Ok, so in December of 05 I met my fiance' (well she used to be my fiance), we both had just gotten out of bad relationships but seemed to hit if off well. In february of 06 we found out she was pregnant. She had just told me she didn't want to be with me and ended up getting back together with her ex. A few months later so did i. She had the baby, he was mine, then we started the long drawn out and painful custody battle. Summer of 2007 we finalized the custody order and stuck to it. I had cut things off with my ex right after our son was born and began asking his mom out again. April of 2008, she agreed to go out with me just to see what was there. We hit it off instantly and fell hard in love. I got a phone call from my ex on mothers day (just to piss off my fiance i'm sure), i quickly told her to not call me anymore and changed my phone number. Things were going great all summer. We had talked about marriage for a while, but i decided i was going to surprise her and propose on our son's birthday (in september) at the park since it was a special day for both of us. We were at the park, i gave the box to my son and told him to go give it to mama who was sitting on a blanket, she was so shocked and excited. I had asked her parents permission and they said no, but i did it anyway because i knew it was what both of us wanted. we both went and talked to her parents after i proposed, and they were ok with it after a couple days. Started helping her plan a lot of things and getting excited. well, about two weeks later, all of the sudden her parents blew up and did not want us to get married. Said that they didn't like me and thought i was a bad person because of some of the things that i did to "hurt them" during the custody battle. I did nothing wrong in the custody battle and definitely didn't do anything to "hurt them" it wasn't even about them. I was just trying to see my son. They kept giving me these things that i needed to do in order to gain their approval. Which i did everything they asked. She is very very persuaded by her mother, and her dad doesn't have a thought on his own, her mother runs that house. They were making her life hell while she was living there. Since we have a child together we both decided we wanted to move in together. So in November that's what we did. I went back to parents in December to ask them again for their blessings and they said no, its just goin to take time for us to let go of what you did in the custody stuff. I told my fiance' and she said, well i'm not waiting forever. We had changed the wedding date 5 times to "give them time" in hopes they would come around. They didn't. They pushed my fiance' away and acted like it was her fault even though she tried to spend time with them and invited them places with us to see our son and took him to see them several times but they were so shut off to her. She was doin so much better since she got out of their house and we began to grow even more together as a family. She is the type of person that is very easily stressed. she's a special education teacher at a middle school and they drove her crazy. this was her first year teaching too so it was even more stress. When she gets stressed, she holds on to it. She wouldn't let it go when she got home and would let her stress carry over to her life at home. She even talked in her sleep several nights telling her kids in her classroom to sit down or your goin to the office and whatnot. in april it was gettin close to the end of the school year so she was getting more stressed with tests and whatnot. she pushed me away badly. I have always done things for her like send her flowers at work or bring them home (at least once every two weeks), made her breakfast every morning, she also worked at a restaurant a couple of nights (mostly just friday and one night during the week) but it was only because she wanted extra spending money. Every single night she came home i would have something for her. Either chocolate covered strawberries, a bubble bath with candles, dinner, a spotless house, wine, something...i made it a point from the beginning of our relationship to at least once a day do something to let her know how special and loved she was. She was gettin so stressed with school and her parents who had pushed her away, that she brought it home everyday. she would come home and sit in the chair instead of the couch by me, and read her book until she went to bed. wasn't talking to me, wasn't wanting to play with me and our son, nothing. I sat her down and talked to her about it and told her we needed to find someway to manage her stress. And that i was feeling very "unwanted" by her physically and emotionally. she got mad at that and thought i was putting more stress on her and we had a big blow out. she has a history of saying things she doesn't mean when she's emotional, and always come back and apologizes and says she didnt mean that. I put a letter in her purse that night apologizing to her for upsetting her and telling her that was not was i was trying to do. I was just tryin to be open with how i was feeling and wanted to try to help you in anyway we could because i knew she was having a hard time with school and her parents right now. She didn't say anything and continued to push me away. Started goin out with her friends and needed a "girls" night, which i didn't like because her "girls nights" always included guys too in the group yet she didn't want me there. About mid april, i had gotten an email from my ex. (this is where i messed up). I wrote her back one night while she was out just asking her how she was doing and how things were goin, and said i was thinking about her. she wrote me back a couple of times, but i never responded. i wasn't tryin to see her, nor did i say anyting about that. I didn't even want to have anything to do with her. I just wanted to feel "wanted" in someway. I wrote her back once more and said look, i apologize, i didn't mean to lead you on. I am engaged, and in love, i can't be doin this. I'm sorry but you need to leave me alone and stop writing me. everything started to get better with my fiance' and i. we had set a final wedding date and started makin plans and booking things. The week before memorial day weekend, she was on my computer at home just looking for wedding stuff, and clicked on my email. I had set my email account to where if my ex sent me a message it would go straight to the trash and never would see it. She looked in my trash and found all of these unread messages from my ex that i didn't even know i had. She got really upset and i talked to her about it and told her everything. of course she got extremely pissed at me writing her that one email. she went and talked to her brother (who doesn't want us together either). Thursday night before memorial day, she searched through my phone bills from a year ago and found my ex's number and began writing her saying she would like to talk to her. my ex wrote an email to me at this point claiming she had my baby in February and needed money to help with her. my fiance read it and immediately didn't believe me when i said it was a physical impossibility for her to have my child. I was with my fiance when the baby would have been conceived and the last time i was with my ex was in January of 08. And my ex lives 15 hours away so its not like i could just see her for one night. i knew it was a lie. My ex had not wanted us together from the very beginning and i knew she would try to break us up. i told my fiance that i would get a paternity test, and to please hold off on any rash decisions until at least that was in so i could prove that to her. she said ok. this was friday night. She said she needed some space and just didn't know what to think so i went and stayed at my parents house that night. Sat morning she was texting me and sounded ok, just that she needed some space and time to calm down. I asked her if i could come by the house to get some clothes real quick, she said yes and that she was leaving anyway. I said where to, she said i'm goign to go talk to my parents. Immediately i freaked out. I knew that if she went and talked to her parents, then it was trouble because she is so persuaded by them. well, two hours later i went back to my house to get some clothes, I walked in and there was nothing in the living room, nothing in the kitchen, nothing in our son's room, all her stuff was gone out of the closet, everything! I'm standing there in shock and a police officer knocks on my door. he says "i'm just here to keep the peace, she just needs to get some of her stuff out." I was like what are you talking about "keep the peace?" we were never even close to being violent or argued in a way to need that! she walked in with her brother, and three of her brothers friends all with trucks and trailers to get the rest of the stuff out of there. She would not speak to me at all. she kept ignoring me. she walked up and said i need you to call the cell phone company and authorize me to switch my phone number to my own plan. i said, ok, but will you please talk to me, why are you leaving me! i got nothing. I couldn't stand there and watch her move out so i left, went to the cell phone store and told them to authorize her then went to my farm which is about 30 mins away to get some air and think. I got a call from her later that afternoon saying they needed me to come in and sign something so they could switch her number. i said ok i'll be there in 30 mins. I started driving back and 20 mins later i got a call from a number i didn't know, it was her saying never mind i just opened my own account! so she left me with a number that i had to pay a 200 disconnect fee for. She said she would not communicate with me except through email and only on the phone if it was an emergency regarding our son. She said we were goin to back to the custody agreemenet we made in 07 which only allows me to see my son for 3 hours during the week and every other weekend. My son and i have become so close over the past year, and i have been the one to take care of him, put him to sleep, wake up with him, bath him, feed him, everything...even she has told me she didn't know what she would do if we ever broke up because she's so used to me doin everything for him. he would cry if i left the house for 5 mins to go to the grocery store and she would have to call me so i could tell him i'd be right back (he's 2 1/2). I was curious so i looked at the cell phone useage when she was still on my plan, and sat morning at about 430, she talked to my ex for 3 hours! they also sent each other hundreds of texts. And she talked to her parents for an hour before she said she was goin to talk to them. the tuesday after she left i called my ex and said if she didn't get her part of a paternity test done by noon the next day the next call she would get would be from my lawyer to sue her for slander for ruining my family. she got it done. the next week i got the results back just as i expected, 0.00 % chance i was her baby's father. Neither of them would tell me what was said between them and my fiance was still not speaking to me, even after i showed her that. I wrote my ex an email askin her about it, she wrote back and said her baby's father was married to another woman and she didn't want to ruin their marriage, she was still very bitter that i "left her for my fiance" and didn't want us together so she "said what she had to say" which i took as said what she had to say in order to break us up. I couldn't believe that my fiance' would leave me for accusitions from my ex without even speaking to me first, especially since we have a child and a good relationship. After i forwarded that email to my fiance' i deleted that email account and started a new one (writing my ex one more time before i did and told her the next time she tried to contact me she would have a restraining order on her within the hour and fwd that message to my fiance' as well), i also changed my number again. I have proven that she lied in order to break us up and that the baby was not mine. She doesn't seem to care and will not talk to me. The other day the only thing she said to me was "you know why i left you, because you wrote her, i made up my mind then" i said well then why did you tell me the next day that you weren't goin to leave me so i could at least prove this to you, and how ironic it was that she left me after talking to my ex who wanted nothing more than to break us up for 3 hours...she didn't respond. My son is hurting just as bad as me. He would cry when i would go to the grocery store i know he's cryin for me now. She moved back in with her parents, and will not speak to me whatsoever. I just want to talk to her and calm her down and explain things to her, but nothing. she's keeping our son away from me and being very childish about this all. Yes it was a big deal, but nothing that we couldn't have worked through. We had been through so much already i figured nothing could tear us apart. we were getting married and had our little family growing strong three weeks ago, and in one day, she doesn't even want to speak to me, hasn't in three weeks except about our son. She says she doesn't want to change the custody order until after the summer (basically because she's got the summer off and wants to spend all the time with him). I'm torn because i miss my son and my fiance' so much, but i know i take her back to court there will be no chance for our family to be back together. I know she's being persuaded by her family...i'm just lost and confused and honestly, i'm broken without them. I've had to get on vitamins and supplements because i haven't been able to keep food down in the past three weeks. I've lost close to 20 lbs (i was 5'10" 195, now i'm 177). what can i do? i just want my family back! please help... I'm sorry this was so long but wanted whoever can help to know the whole story. thanks so much...

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A male reader, Sippi  +, writes (22 June 2009):

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