A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I need advice please - I am engaged to be married to a wonderfull man in a few months time. The problem is that he has an ex girlfriend that is pregnant and having his child.We were dating for three months and were already in love and talking marriage when out of the blue his ex phones with the news that she is four months along. Because he was the last person this woman was in a relationship with, my fiancee has accepted that the child is his.I then left him alone and even encouraged him to go back to her to fill his shoes as a father. I gave him space to decide what he wants to do.Needless to say we were miserable without each other. He decided that he wants me in his life but he is not just going to neglect his responsibilities. We are currently very happy.I just have this fear that once the child is born he will realise that he made a mistake and go back to the mother of his kid. Am I stupid for thinking this even though he keeps reasurring me that he loves me??????I am so afraid that once he looks into that kids eyes, holds him/her his love and his wanting to be with that child will make him leave me. It's not I dont trust him and his love for me. Is it normal to feel this way.Can anyone who has been in a similar situation please give advice.Tx
View related questions:
engaged, ex girlfriend, fiance, his ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2007): Hi guys
Thanx for your answers. I thought I would update you all and maybe you could give me some more advice.
She is having the baby in December (2007)and the wedding is only next year. I am glad that I will have a chance to experience first hand what his reactions will be like, how it will affect the relationship and how it will affect me.
I am still fearfull though and I keep wondering how I will react towards my fiancee once the child is born. I cant help feeling jealous towards the ex because she is giving him the gift of a child. I know I cant expect my man not to be happy.
What I know for sure is that I love this man and that he loves me. He puts me first in his life and I can see that in everything he does and in the decisions he takes.
Am I being crazy????
A
female
reader, Minelisse  +, writes (10 December 2007):
 Give time to time. Do you need to get married before this child is born? All relationships need time to mature and your does too. If my math is correct, you are planning to wed before your first year anniversary, if so, you should give it a little more thought. You guys met just when they broke up (thats why she was 4 months pregnant), where away for awhile and have now reestablish your relationship. With all this commotion you might have missed a lot of "normal" arguments or situations when meeting someone new, and they are necessary for you to grow as a couple!
I do not think he wants to hurt you and I believe both of you feel pretty much in love, but, he is having a child and breaking a relationship and starting a relationship in less than a year and those are VERY stressful situations. Decisions taken under such duress could be influenced by circumstances and can some time turn out to be mistakes. A little time and patience won't hurt and will also give you peace of mind.
By the way, try to work on yourself, this is a child that is not responsible for the circumstances in which he/she will be born. In these times he/she will need all the love he can get, including yours! Be glad your partner is stepping up, remember you could be the one having a child of someone who has found a new relationship.
Best of lucks!
...............................
|
