A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I recently got engaged and I know we are both very much in love with each other. However, my fiance is still friends with his ex. I have never liked it, particularly because for awhile I didn't even know they were still talking. He says they are just friends. Since I have met most of his friends, I don't understand why I haven't met her. He also never talks on the phone to her when I am around. My only request has been if they are remaining friends, I should at least meet her. He says he'll set something up, but never does. He says she just in a bad place and he doesn't want to rub it in about how happy he is. What should I do?
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male
reader, mrg123  +, writes (20 April 2011):
 Hmmmm ye I can see his reasons to be honest but I also see yours. The problem I would have with this is the phone stuff which may well have a totally innocent explanation but is a bit of a guilty act so I can see why that would get to you. While he continues to behave like this I think you will struggle to be able to just drop it.It's in this context that you have demanded to meet her and his reluctance to do that is probably making things worse. i agree that it is possible for exs to be purely platonic friends BUT if thats the case why wont he speak on the phone to her when your around as he would another purely platonic friend?
His explanation for his behaviour is plausible regarding the meeting, here I agree he probably just feels its a bit awkward, but im not convinced it is for him not taking phone calls in front of you. I think this is a bigger problem than not having met her. The only thing I can think of here, apart from the non innocent explanation, is that they are talking intimately about her feelings if shes in a bad place. Fair enough but he should at least just say that.
So, what can you do? I think you need to be firm on insisting on a bit more openness and fair treatment on this.
Im not sure pursuing the meeting is a good idea but I would definitely bring up the phone calls and seek an explanation. If that is satisfactory then let it go.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (20 April 2011):
 Well if you trust as much as you say you do that you are both very much in love then I wouldnt let this come in between you both. It is possible for ex's to remain pure platonic friends. It does sound to me though that he may not want to risk upsetting his ex by meeting you as it might be awkward for her. He may just feel that it would be weird bringing the new girlfriend to meet the old girlfriend.
Talk to him openly about this and tell him how uncomfortable it is making you feel. But honestly if you believe that there is nothing going on sexual between the both of them then the best case scenario would be just to let it go.
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