A
female
age
30-35,
*iennaSays
writes:Hi everyone,I have been in a relationship with my fiance for 3 years now. For two years now we have been having fights for the same reason. And because this same reason causes a fight I try to avoid bringing it up to kill it once and for all.This thing I want to kill is the fact that he does not listen to my feelings and the fact that he doesn't keep his promise to stop verbally abusing me and the fact that he is no longer affectionate!He doesn't even stop to think "I am the one starting this fight"He blames me for creating "drama" when all I want is for him to 'LISTEN' to my feelings for once in his life.It always happens when I tell him something I am worried about. And this is always me telling him how I feel about him not showing me enough love or something harsh he said like "YOU BITCH!"All I say is "Please don't do that again, that's all I am asking"or"I feel like you're not as affectionate"He gets mad and tells me I am ruining all our times together but what I can't get him to understand is that he is already ruining it for us by:1) not being affectionate 2) not listening to my feelings about the matter3) verbally abusing meHow can i get him to listen or understand my side? He is an impossible man, sometimes I feel like I need to wack him over the head with a saucepan but then again he would probably get extra angry about that. There is no way I can get to him!I always listen to him about something horrible that happened at work or a fight with his dad but he never consoles me. Never dries my tears and tells me to shut up and stop being stupid or over dramatic.After me crying for hours about how he is being so mean to me while taking his verbal abuse at the same time and then I give up defending myself and just forgive him. THAT is the only time he listens and promises never to do it again. But I still feel like he is only listening to shut me up and giving empty promises about aing about my feelings to shut me upThe problem is, these promises have been broken every week and made again every week for 2 years now.We don't even go a week without this fight and me crying and being unhappy or ruining a dinner-date. We only survive the week when I just sit back and let him do what he does.Is there any way in which I can get him to see my feelings? Get him to see my pain! I just want to be kissed and hugged just once in a while but if I tell him that he would say he already kisses me. I want MORE! Am I being stupid and asking for too much?I feel unfulfilledBut what bothers me most is the fact that he is so mean to me or ignores my feelings. What can I do at this point?Has anyone ever had this problem before? What did you do about it?Why am I not happy with him? And why when I break up with him I am miserable without him?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2013): Sorry you're going through this :(Unfortunately you can't make him understand your side of things or what you are thinking or feeling. There are no magic words you can use or things you can do to make him understand that.Some people are less affectionate than others and that is a personality thing. He might be able to work on compromising with you on this, but it might never be what you want in terms of affection. You would have to decide if you are okay with this.Calling you a bitch and verbally abusing you goes beyond not being affectionate. No one deserves to be talked to that way, its not okay for him to do that.Yes, you would likely be miserable without him for a little while, but can you live with this for the rest of your life? It sounds like that would make you miserable for longer.You are young, maybe the best thing to do is cut ties with this guy and go through the being miserable part now so that you can be happier in the long run. Maybe he will eventually change and you can get back together, but you can't make him change, he has to decide that he wants that for himself.
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