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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I was hoping for some insight on my situation please.My mum has a younger brother (my uncle) - there’s a huge age gap between them however there is only a 12 year age gap between me and my uncle. Growing up people would mistaken us for brother and sister we always found it funny!! However once I got in to my early 20’s people mistook us for boyfriend/girlfriend when we hung out and this had basically always been the case for the past 10 years or so. He looks much younger than what he is- he’s 45 and I’m 33.He is married with 2 small children . I’m engaged to be married. His wife works away alot so me and the rest of the family help out with the kids- ie pick the up/drop them off at school etc… take them out etc.. people have often mistaken me for their mother too.To be honest it’s never bothered me the fact that we have been mistaken for partners or the fact I’ve been mistaken for the kids mother. We just have always laughed it off. It happens so often we don’t even correct people anymore. We’ve always been close and got on well.However my fiancé has now told me it bothers him that people think me and my uncle are together, I can understand having another man being mistaken for you fiancés boyfriend isn’t great so I can’t argue.He also thinks it’s weird that it doesn’t bother us - he even said to me “it’s like you both enjoy being mistaken for partners and act like you are!”This deeply upset me as it’s not true!! He’s making it sound like there’s something inappropriate going on even though there isn’t and never has been! We all (my parents, uncle, grandparents) live literally a 10 minute drive from each other and my fiancé now wants us to move away a little further from everyone and no longer wants me spending so much time with my uncle or his kids.I find this a little harsh, I like our home, I like being close to my family. We are very close knit - my fiancé knew this when we got together 8 years ago and it’s never bothered him! I don’t feel comfortable discussing this with my uncle as it will just make things awkward and my family will end up disliking my fiancé over this. What’s the best thing to do so my fiancé isn’t upset and I can continue hanging out with my uncle and his kids? I just want to keep the peace in this awkward situation.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2024): Your fiance strikes me as being slightly controlling and you need to nip it in the bud.
You're entertaining his remarks and that'a a mistake. Tell him in no incertian terms that his comments are not okay, that is your family he is trying to drive a wedge between and he is to accept that you are close with your family without making such gross remarks. Also let him know in no uncertian terms that his jealousy is his own problem and he needs to get a hold on it pronto. Let him know that he can do so or he can sulk like a baby and leave.
Sadly once you entertained his remarks, he saw it as a green light to push and push. Anything like this whereby he is making unfounded obsurd remarks impacting your family should be shut down immediatly. This is how control starts. He thinks he's being 'cute' whereas he is being gross and this will only get worse.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2024): Firstly ignore the “ick factor” comment. Some people on here have nothing else to do than try to make others feel bad!!!
It is a tricky situation- I can see both sides. I have no answer or solution but maybe speaking to a family member may help- someone who won’t judge your fiancé.
The fact you’ve been together 8 years should really make him see that it’s no big deal however I do agree that he should be your priority & not your uncle & his kids.
I grew up with my cousin & we were constantly mistaken for bf/gf - it stopped bothering us as we found it amusing & where it had occurred all our life to us it was no big deal. We are both married to other people now & we still get mistaken for each others partners but fortunately our spouses don’t care.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2024): I would be absolutely horrified if someone mistook my uncle for my partner. Talk about ick factor! Why aren't you not repulsed by that is my question!
You also spoke loads on how close you are your uncle are,how he'd feel about this.
Barely much thought for your partner.
Sorry I'm with your partner on this, something is strange.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2024): It's understandable that your fiancé feels threatened and also it sounds like he's afraid of what people will think. He could be made to look foolish.
I suggest that on the one hand you reassure him, and on the other you do mention it to your uncle, who could then spend time with him alone and make friends. Then he's more likely to see the real situation rather than what he fears.
I think you're right to want to be close to your family but your husband needs to be your first priority. He needs to be included in the family.
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