A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I met a guy at an event that I really hit it off with, from my impression anyway. We're both 29. Over the next few days, I felt quite happy. I've been happily single for a while and the lovely interaction felt like encouragement, as if the universe was showing me the potential happiness that could be out there.He's the first person I've had a crush on since high school, so it was very refreshing. Rarely do I meet someone that I both feel a great connection to AND am physically attracted to. We spent a lot of time conversating one-on-one. I also enjoyed observing how he interacts with others and felt positively about it.He asked for my social media but we haven't spoke since then. I'll admit I'm a little disappointed he hasn't reached out, but I know I can reach out too if I wanted to. I'll be traveling for a couple of weeks starting tomorrow but I am considering asking him out when I get back.However, after those few days of bliss, I became very anxious. It's been a week and I'm still incredibly anxious. I do not normally have anxiety so it's an alarming and scary feeling for me. I tried asking and being honest with myself about what I'm anxious about. And I think it's because I'm afraid we won't work out (i.e. rejection). Logically, I know that we are both strangers. We know nothing about one another and don't owe another anything. For all I know, the feelings could be one-sided and he hasn't thought about me at all since the event. I figured that my feelings will calm down on their own, that I was just anxious over a new experience. However this morning I found myself unable to get up for work. I just wanted to avoid the day and my feelings, and sleep. The only other time I've felt too down to get out of bed was when I was grieving after a traumatic breakup with an ex. This was several years ago and I had worked on myself inside and outside of therapy, and am very happy with who I've become today. I feel like I've lost my mind. My emotions do not correlate to what I am logically thinking at all. They feel too intense for something so simple and non-committal, and too dramatic for someone my age. I essentially don't even know the guy! I'm trying to channel that energy into doing things for myself. I'm exercising, taking walks in the sun, eating well, and socializing. All of which do help with my anxiety. Perhaps I should ask him out for a future date just to get it over with? Maybe knowing sooner whether I'm accepted or rejected will help with my anxiety.But I can't help but feel like there is a bigger problem with myself that I can't figure out. Are my feelings normal or are they being blown out of context?According to my former therapist, I do exhibit ADD and OCD tendencies. I was tested for them but did not score "high" enough to be diagnosed. I have a feeling that I may be hyperfocusing or obsessing over this guy because of it, as I do have a history of obsessing over things for months at a time.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2024): Yes you do seem to have blown this strong attraction out of proportion. Sounds like you need more therapy to become more relaxed about things.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 June 2024):
 OP,
This happens. We meet someone and we think WOW, what a connection! and then... nothing.
As someone who is also OCD I know how easy it is to hyperfocus on ONE thing) or in your case person) and then almost making yourself sick with stress or worry over said thing (or person).
It sucks. I'm getting better at redirecting myself and with accepting that 99% of things in your life is out of your control. Such as (in your case) this guy.
My guess is, he isn't/wasn't single. That is why he didn't reach out. He was "just" in the moment with you.
Or he has friends giving him piss poor advice - such as "don't contact he right away, it will make you seem desperate" - because that can lead to YOU moving on and him having "lost" a chance to actually connect with you.
Should you reach out? You could. I wouldn't ask for a date right off the bat, I'd see how he was doing and what he was up to. And then gauge BEFORE asking him out.
I know it's harder these days for guy to approach women but personally, I would just block and delete him and look elsewhere for a guy who ACT on it instead. He wouldn't even have had to ask you out, he could just have sent you a message, so you know he got your socials right and that he was interested. No action - not that interested in my book.
But if it might HELP you with the anxiety to just reach out and see what is what. If he rejects you, don't take it personal. Let it go.
I think, perhaps, he was just a really friendly chatty person. Then again, that might just be me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2024): From my point of view this guy does not seem to be good for you.
You enjoyed the attention at the time but quite possibly read much more into the situation than he did.
The universe might be trying to show you that you are a little vulnerable because you went from being happy to being destabilized quite quickly.
You placed huge importance on this meeting at this event so it's no wonder you feel anxious.
It's not uncommon to meet someone at an event and to feel momentarily that you clicked but the truth is that you know nothing much about him in reality.
The connexion sounds somewhat superficial. Had it been a meaningful and lasting connexion he would have been in touch with you immediately.
I am assuming that he had other options.
He led you on a bit because you gave him signs that you were enjoying the attention.
But the lack of contact means that he wasn't really interested.
He was just a charming guy in his charming persona.
These kind of guys love the attention but their deeper emotions are elswhere.
You can do exactly as you like but I would suggest that you let him fade away into a charming universal experience and look for someone who fits in with your personality and circumstances, rather than someone who is intentionally inaccessible.
Charming and friendly (yet unobtainable) people have the potential to be extremely hurtful if you build them up in your mind to be more meaningful than they actually are.
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