A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:What is wrong with me, with letting go? My fiance and i are due to be married, but believe it or not we still have issues in the bedroom! I'm the most self-conscious person i know which is partly the reason after having sex with the same person for over 10 years, i have still never reached orgasm. I know my partner is fed up with me as well, of me constantly worrying about my weight, and how i look, but i just can't help it. I have always been this way and don't know how to change. The other part to this is, when i have a few drinks in me, i am very adventurous and am up for anything! and i prefer this side to me. I'm really down over this, so how do i overcome this? Thanks for your advice in advance.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (14 April 2008):
 Be an optimist and always think in the positive.
Don't be a pessimist and see only negatives in everything.
Go to the gym or have aerobic exercise and you will see a
fitter and slimmer you and you will grow in confidence and self esteem.
A
female
reader, Twirly  +, writes (14 April 2008):
 Hey Sweetie,
You could try the suggestion from the first poster here and try going around the house, but perhaps in your bra and panties rather than naked.
Im a curvy chick too and there's loads of lovely flattering underwear that you can get now that will absolutely make you feel better! You don't even have to spend a fortune, a lot of supermarkets do really fab underwear at really reasonable prices.
A size 14 is a gorgeous size, and not fat at all! Your fella has been with you for 10 years so youmust be doing something right sweetheart! It sounds like you need a healthy big dose of self esteem and lots of body pampering!
Do you do fake tanning? (you can get St Tropez tanning mousse really cheaply on Ebay) that always makes me feel better! Maybe treat yourself to a few ne clothes, have some girly nights with your friends and basically try to do feelgood things, all of which will increase your confidence.
Wishing you lots of luck and hope you start to feel much more fabulous about yourself soon! xx
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A
female
reader, jusspacin  +, writes (14 April 2008):
sounds like you are suffering from something else perhaps that happened in your childhool and its still in the back of your mind today and which case you use your weight as a cover up to avoid what is really going on, i dont know im not a expert but i would say get some couseling so u can get to the real issues and conquer them before you get married. You need to find the beauty inside you in order to see the beauty on the outside...and girl you gotta have big O or your gonna be missing out on something good!! good luck and i wish you well
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (14 April 2008):
 You've never reached orgasm with your partner of 10 years? At this point, I think you may have worked up a huge amount of worry that needs some professional help! You've got a loving partner, you're in a committed relationship, you have all the ingredients you need to help you overcome whatever you think is wrong with you.
My bet is that these worries have become self-perpetuating. 'I'm too fat, I'm not attractive, I don't deserve to feel good in bed' leads to 'I'm so nervous, I can't relax and enjoy sex' leads to 'I'm not sexy, I guess.'
You deserve the best in life, and so does your fiance! Why not get a little bit of outside help that may help you reach the wonderful you that you've been locking inside your fears?
Go out there and learn to be adventurous with out the drink! You know that wonderful, sexy woman is in there, you just need a bit of help coaxing her out.
All the best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2008): Here's my advice, cos i'm kinda in the same boat...
Right, well part of it for me is i feel uncomfortable being in the nude. it just feels weird. Also my partner looks at me too- which is stupid i know!! but it makes me feel worse!
i have the opposite problem to you, i'm really skinny and i worry my boobs look too small, or i look ribby so i worry about being too skinny. what i do and it makes me feel better, is walk about a bit on your own, in the house in the nude, just to get YOU used to the sight and feel of you nude. if you feel really bad just do it in your underwear at first, and get used to feeling nude and that vulnerable feeling that goes with it, and remember- he KNOWS what you look like anyway, none of it is a surprise- he just wants to see more of it! xx
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