A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my fiancée almost five years now, we have a 16 month old daughter together. Recently he has been coming home late from work with lame excuses and has been distant. For the first time yesterday he wasn't able to get an erection for us to have intercourse. My question is, is he cheating? I understand there are many other reasons that could cause this but we don't drink, or do drugs, we don't n smoke and he doesn't have any medical problems, we're young 23 and 24 so that shouldn't be the issue either. He wouldn't discuss the issue with me and while I would normally say it's because he's embarrassed, after you watch a woman give birth and poop in a bathtub during so there is no room for embarrassment anymore, I mean he poops while I shower and vice versa so I don't think that's the issue. He's been sleeping with his phone and clearing his internet history as well, I'm assuming the worst but we're to be married in September 2016 and I can't keep planning our wedding not knowing. What are your opinions?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2015): i still think you should cut him some slack.if he works on construction hes bound to be bone and muscle weary knackered at night ,but then again i guess it shouldnt stop the ol man rising, but what surprises me is that you'd be prepared to ditch him because his dick didnt rise just once.I think you are stressed about the wedding coming up and you dont really want to tie the knot enough because he has cheated on you in the past.He is figuring that it was ok then and you still pulled through as a couple.But playing the hurt silent type is his move because it leaves you unable to get to his mind .Its the I'm here now approach so what are you worried about?Well i guess two can tango that way..But how you deal with it is up to you.You have to figure out which outcome youre after.Do you want to marry at all costs so the little one has authenticated parents and a greater moral obligation on his part to be a good dad.At least it gives you the protection of the law legally and financially if you later divorce.Or do you want to cut all ties now and move away with the daughter and carry on as a single mum?Perhaps you want to jilt him before he can jilt you.Why not set some texts and reminders to yourself so that your phone goes off periodically especially during sex and then he will get all riled up thinking that you have a lover contacting you on the quiet.Or just try forward planning and sail on regardless and tell yourself you'll take him to the cleaners first chance you get if he cheats after your married ..and start saving for a private investigator now.And remind him that if he keeps his mobile on him all the time in his jeans pockets and in bed at night then there is a greater chance of getting cancer of the testicals.And finally are you sure he has his divorce finalised because it may be wifey he is worried about!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2015): I have asked him how we are on many occasions. And your right, I don't trust him, not at all. He has cheated on me several times in the past so why would stop him from doing it again? I've tried sending my little one away to my mums for the night so we can have some alone time and take about our feelings and relationship and he literally just falls a sleep on me. Iran thought it may be porn as well, but unless he's staying late at work to watch it that's not the problem (he works construction, not like he's staying late in some secluded office). I've tried tellin him I can't marry a man who doesn't talk to me, who isn't honestly and open with me and he just shuts up, gets mad and tells me not to marry him in that case.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2015): i personally think its time for you to throw a complete hissy fit but i suggest you leave your daughter at your mums or with a reliable babysitter till at least the morning.The point of the hissy fit is to break the silence and to let it all come out."How can you love me when you cant even get it up....i can always get it elsewhere you know..i know youre not a vibrator but if im gonna marry you youve got to prove to me your a man, not a yam!Do you think i want a loveless marriage?Do you think i need a man who hugs his phone at night?"Your not the man i loved..... you've changed!!!Whats happened? where s that spark gone.?whos f****g you now?I wont settle for second best ..i'll get me a real red hot man.That bloke over the road looked at me like he needed some...but then it was a kind look ..an is- everything- ok -look ..oh i just dont know what to think?Whats going on...d'you think we should break up and go our seperate ways?I'll take full custody of course and you can occasssionally see our daughter at weekends when i'm busy f*****g my new man.I wonder how he'd like it.What if he's a gymnast and wants to swing from the chandeliers...I wonder if i can keep up with that..Maybe i'll have to get a landing strip and let my pilot bring the plane in smooothly...oh darlin is THAT what you want?"It doesnt have to be exactly to script but it needs to be a combination of inflammatory hurt faithfulness with a strong inclination to move on to a more muscular man who does press ups hourly, at least a hundred at a time.This will get him all fired up and maybe he will drop his guard and tell you what he wants or whats going on.Most guys dont like the thought of their woman opting for a more muscular guy who does a hundred press ups every hour so you will get a response.But what if youre the quiet sort!What if youve got a gentle spirit and dont want to see your man all fired up ,confused with words and emotions and the loss of his best friend and lover all because his dick wouldnt stand up one night?Then you take the gentler approach.."The darlin are we drifting apart approach...the is-there anything you havent told me approach."Its up to you but as soon as your little one is safely being babysat for the night you are ready for a night of many mixd emotions.And last but not least ,he may have some very real health worries that he just doesnt want to burden you with.He may hav cancer worrie and been looking it up and booking appointments because he doesnt want the ready tears to come if he discovers its terminal or potentially so..like cancer, that strikes so many regardless of his lifestyle.This would account for history deletion and so on.So again i still suggest you get the little one babysat because a range of different emotions is not ideal for a child who wants to see mummy and daddy smiling and reassuring.Then you ask him nicely "is every thing ok sweetheart because ive started to have these worries that you might not b around for long and i think a burden shared is a burden halved dont you and i will always be here for you no matter what.Is it something we should get through together?If all else fails start talking about life insurance and medical expenses and have you got the correct cover for the whole family?"Good luck and stay on top!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (13 November 2015):
 If you are checking his phone (you must be if you know he's clearing his internet history), then YOU DO NOT TRUST HIM. Why not?
I take my phone with me to bed. But I use it as an alarm some days.
To me clearing internet history is more about porn than cheating.... and porn could be causing your issue.
Have you asked him "how are we?" which is very different from "how are you?"
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