A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My fiance and i live seperately. i live with my parents with an intime of 10-which is normal in our country.My fiance spends time with me every day ... about two hours on weekdays and half a day every alternate weekend.at the beginning of our relationship he didn;t think it was necessary for us to meet at all.He even told me that it would be ok to find a job in some other state and that he was ok meeting me once in a month. I figured it was because he wasn't used to spending time with me since we hardly spent time (apart from hours on the phone) before we got engaged. I used to beg him for time until very recently. But even now (its been 6 months) he keeps trying to dropping me off earlier than planned.Everytime he needs time to do anything else he tells me that we should cut down on the time we spend. Everytime he doesn't have time for his friends he cuts down on the time he spends with me. He seems to think it is spending time together even if we go out with a gang of friends constantly for a week. He never seems to want to get me alone or be with me, i end up feeling rejected most of the time.Why does he do this? Is it because he is not used to me even now or is it because he is still not that into me?Everytime i complain he says he needs to build up a career and build contacts and that though he enjoys the time he spends he can't give me more time.
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female
reader, Dimithri  +, writes (12 March 2008):
 Hi, I too had the same problem with my boyfriend. But now it's sorted out & we actually hang out & do all sorta stuff together.
The best advice I can give you is, talk to him about how you really feel about this situation (that helps a lot – be very honest with what you have to say) & ask him if he really loves you and if he really want's you. Tell him to be very honest with you too.
This is the guy you are going to get married to and you have the right to know how he really feels about you.
I do agree with what Emilysanswers has to say about your fiancé. Do you want to be with a guy like that? Even after you talk to him & if the situation is the same then you'll might as well call off the wedding (talk to your parents as well about this issue & get there advice as well)
Step out side; make friends, who knows you'll find the men of you’re dreams. Good luck and take care.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (12 March 2008):
This guy seems to want to have everything in life, a good job, a loving wife, 2.4 kids. Nothing wrong with that but he seems to just picked you as a suitable mother to his children and got you to agree to marry him. Job Done.
If he doesn't seem interested in you and is unwilling to change them get rid of him. You can't just hope that at some point he'll turn round and say "Right, the job is sorted, now to spend time with you." It will never happen. As far as he is concerned, you are his fiancee and will put up with things the way they are.
You have a right to a loving relationship and if he is not willing to give that to you then that is his loss. Tell him he has one more month to prove he loves you and WANTS to spend time with you, alone, being romantic. If he says no or fails to produce the time and effort tell him to give you a ring in a couple of years when he is ready for a real girlfriend.
Go out and make millions of new friends and see if the man you dreamed of really is out there.
The man I marry has to love me so much he would move heaven and earth to spend a few more minutes with me. Marriage is (suposed to be) forever, be a perfectionist about who you choose or you will regret it later in life.
Good Luck x
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