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male
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*OHNNYB
writes: I've been in a 6 year relationship with a woman who dislikes my 2 daughters, from prior marriages. She constantly brings up my past and berates me about my ex-wives and daughters. My Fiance demands that I tell her she is the " most important thing in the world to me ". I just can't do that. Right now my 12 year old is the most important person in the world to me. My Fiance refuses to share the # 1 spot. Am I way off base, shouldn't your kids come first. ?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2006): Yes, the kid's do come first. Your child is young and needs your love, guidance and protection. As a father I commend you for being a good dad. Your fiancee is an insecure woman and not behaving as a mature, confident person. However, people can make the choice to change for the better. If I were you, I would sit her down and have a firm, loving talk with her. Tell her you love and cherish her but you will always love your daughters. That is just a given. Make it clear that her behaviours and expectations of you, is a major problem for you and it's causing all kinds of pain. Make her aware of the costs of her behaviors. Then drop the subject. If she makes a choice to continue with this behaviour, you will need to take a hard look at the differences you both have in the family and relationship values you both hold. The you will need to decide whether you can live with these differences. Good luck, dear
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female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (8 March 2006):
 I meant to add as well, that I think your fiance has a low self-esteem and that she could do with professional help in moving on from obsessing about your past. I would suggest this to he if she will not see your side of things and moderate her behaviour.
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A
female
reader, willywombat +, writes (8 March 2006):
Your kids are the most important thing in your life and you are a great Dad for saying so. Too many Dad's forget their offspring when a new GF comes into htier life and you sound like you are not going to do that.
To tell the truth I have a son and am married. Both me and my sons father state that our love for him is more important than our love for each other. He is an innocent and as such needs and wants our protection as his parents.
You need to cherish your daughter and continue to do so. I am sorry to say this and you may get mad at me, but your fiancee sounds immature and *young* if not chronologically then mentally. I take it she has no kids of her own from what you say. If she did have she would understand the bond between parent and child should surpass everyhting else in the universe!
Tell her that you love her. But tell her that the love you have for a child is a completely different and pure love and that nothing and nobody can change it. If she doesnt like it you may have to think again about your choice of step-mother for your kids. If she feels this threatened by them, how on earth will she cope when she has a kid of her own and sees them as being competition to that?
This is a difficult situation for you and one I do not envy you for being in.
Good luck.
xxx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2006): This woman really isn't the one. Think how your daughters would feel if they knew you loved her more than them?? Doesn't it sound craxy and hurtful. Your their father, you're their family. This woman doesn't seem to fit in with the family dynamics.
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A
female
reader, juliagulia +, writes (8 March 2006):
 No, you aren't way off base. This woman should not be trying to come between you and your daughters. Someone who loves you should want you to be happy and encourage you to be a good father, not be selfish and insecure about your past relationships. You should talk with her about this and stand up for yourself and your girls. If she can't share you, then you should really re-consider marrying her. If she keeps that attitude going, she will surely drive a wedge between you and your kids or she will make you miserable trying. Good luck!
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