A
female
age
36-40,
*ynsy
writes:Hi! I am 24 years old. My fiancee's past girlfriend is his cousin, and as she is his cousin he is still in contact with her. I think they were in a serious relationship and he has not forgotten her yet. I don't feel loved when he says he loves me. He is always ready to help her, but doesn't do such for me. I feel he won't get that love for any other girl and though he likes me and doesn't want to leave me, he truly feels for her first. I am so upset and sad. What should I do? Will this continue for the rest of his life? Since she is his cousin they won't ever be apart from each other. Whenever he sees her his attitude with me changes. His cousin has a boyfriend now and lives with him.I love my fiancee but I'm very much hurt. Sometimes I feel I am alone and want to die. I won't get love from him for my whole life? If in the future, their love were to grow again, will he leave me? I want to go to my home. I came to the U.K. for him. I am not saying that he has cheated on me, but I feel it's my misfortune. Everybody has a past and I don't mind if he had girlfriends, but the fact that it was his cousin, I am not able to accept.Please help me!
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cheated on me, cousin, fiance, has a boyfriend Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2011): You seem to know an awful lot about your fiance's relationship with his cousin - who/what is the source of your information? Is someone telling you all of this?Either way, if you cannot speak openly to your fiance about this, and have him reassure you sufficiently that you want to proceed with a marriage, the only alternative is to return to your homeland.As sure as fate, if you proceed with this marriage while feeling as you do now, your insecurity and jealousy will only grow, and will inevitably poison your relationship with your fiance/husband-to-be. Do you want to be responsible for bringing children into the world, only to be brought up in an unhappy home?Take a long, hard look at yourself - can you speak to your fiance about this? If not, I don't see what you can do. Without his help you cannot resolve the situation, and you could go on for years making posts on websites such as this without getting to the bottom of the problem. The jealousy and worry (whether groundless, or not) come from you. You must be brave enough to speak to your fiance about your concerns.
A
female
reader, lynsy +, writes (9 March 2011):
lynsy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your reply, he becomes annoyed with me when he sees his cousin.their relationship was very serious, I have all evidence. The even had complete physical relations.I am very upset.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2011): I guess it's time to pack up and go back home. If you are this miserable now, all you can do is cut your losses and not commit to a lifetime of it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2011): You don't say in what way his behaviour changes towards you when he is around her? When did they split up, and how long were they in a relationship? Are you absolutely certain they were, in fact, a couple? Are you seeing something that isn't there, because you fear losing him so much?His cousin is now living with her boyfriend, surely she wouldn't have moved in with someone if she still had feelings for your fiance?Perhaps the affection you see is simply what would naturally be there between cousins anyway?Can you speak to your fiance about this situation? Does he realise how unhappy you are and that you are considering returning to your homeland?Try talking to him, and by talk, I mean just that. Don't accuse, but explain how insecure his relationship with his cousin makes you feel. I hope he will be able to reassure you.If the situation is impossible, if he won't discuss or consider your worries, can you speak to a member of your own family about the situation?It's important that you don't dwell on these negative feelings without discussing the situation with someone else.I wish you a happy, healthy and peaceful life.
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