A
female
age
36-40,
*inkabell
writes:I found out a few months ago that my Fiance had been cheating on me for 2years and the girl is now pregnant. He told her infront of me that he doesnt love her and has always loved me but couldnt seem to get rid of her. Will i ever be able to trust him again?
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female
reader, tinkabell +, writes (1 September 2007):
tinkabell is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for your replies, ive never actually sat and thought about it as much as you have pointed out. Ive been to naive in thinking it won't happen again and not looking at the obvious. Thanks again
A
male
reader, duce00  +, writes (1 September 2007):
 One of the hardest things about being a parent is being a good role model. Children arnt stupid, they figure out what is going on eventually. Ughhh trust me they do! Maybe stepping back and putting your kid first would be the best approach here. This man is obviously far less than a good role model so you will have to step up to the plate on this one. Creating a foundation for you and your child is number one here, not dealing with the dysfunction of your unfaithful fiance. Hopefully over time you you will heal from this and be a stronger parent and human being. I hope this works out for you and your daughter.
Duce00
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2007): By the way sorry to be so HARSH, but really I am worried for you, you deserve a reality check, think of your child, is this what you want to model as a healthy relationship for her/him???? It will profoundly affect the outcome of this child's life if you stay.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2007): Oh my Gd, I have to weigh in on this one
Does nobody (no one) think I could get over this?
Yes of course YOU could get over it, because you choose to be a doormat to the "perfect" man, his stuff must be really good and he must have knocked your noggin' really hard more than once against the headboard, because you are most certainly not using your brain, the grey matter between your ears.
"I never thought he could do something like this"
You have a child together and he left you when you were pregnant.....HELLO, ANYBODY HOME IN THERE!
What the **%@# he has been cheating on you not for two months but for TWO YEARS and he has gotten her pregnant.
No "perfect" man would do that to the woman he loves and be so cold as to tell a woman who he has been with for two years that he knocked her up because he couldn't GET RID of her and that he doesn't LOVE HER he LOVES YOU RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU SO YOU HAVE TO LOOK LIKE YOU ARE IN ON THE WHOLE THING AND APPROVE.
YOUR PERFECT MAN IS A PERFECT JERK AND HE MAY EVEN BE A CLASSIC SOCIO PATH, LOOK IT UP, READ THE SIGNS, HE DOES NOT VALUE HUMAN LIFE EXCEPT HIS OWN....AND WHEN YOU ARE ON TO HIM, HE EITHER LEAVES YOU, OR SQUASHES YOU LIKE A BUG
Run as fast as you can, your child should not have to pay for the mistakes that you are making in your life by staying with this loser.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (1 September 2007):
 You asked: Does nobody think I could ever get over this?
Not if you let this turkey back into your life.
You asked: every other thing about him is so perfect and I never thought he'd do something this bad
Perfect? HE LEFT YOU WHEN YOU WERE PREGNANT!!! That overrides any of his "perfections".
You Asked: I just dont know whats best for me and our daughter.
How about finding a good man to be a husband to you, and a loyal step-dad to your daughter?
Don't you think your daughter deserves a loving and dedicated father-figure?
It is not about how you feel about him anymore. It is about what kind of father and husband he would make, and he is *#@*%$ for that.
-Frank B Kermit
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit +, writes (1 September 2007):
You asked: Does nobody think I could ever get over this?
Not if you let this turkey back into your life.
You asked: every other thing about him is so perfect and I never thought he'd do something this bad
Perfect? HE LEFT YOU WHEN YOU WERE PREGNANT!!! That overrides any of his "perfections".
You Asked: I just dont know whats best for me and our daughter.
How about finding a good man to be a husband to you, and a loyal step-dad to your daughter?
Don't you think your daughter deserves a loving and dedicated father-figure?
It is not about how you feel about him anymore. It is about what kind of father and husband he would make, and he is *#@*%$ for that.
-Frank B Kermit
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A
female
reader, tinkabell +, writes (31 August 2007):
tinkabell is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi thanks for your replies, One of you answered that he may one day leave me with a child.. we already have a daughter together and he left me when i was pregnant. he told me it was because he was scared of fatherhood and I accepted his apologies and took him back but that was the start of his relationship with this other woman when i had fallen pregnant. Does nobody think I could ever get over this? every other thing about him is so perfect and I never thought he'd do something this bad I just dont know whats best for me and our daughter.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2007): My advise to you is to get out of this relationship, and do not marry him! If the affair had been a one time thing, that would be completely different. But 2 years???
That sounds more like a relationship, and not to make it sound worse, but that is a LOT WORSE!
Now, even if you stay with him, you have to realize that this other woman will probably become a part of your life because of the child. You have to ask yourself if you could handle being frequently reminded of what happened between your fiance and this other woman. This problem will most likely not go away.
Plus, even though he said that he doesn't love this other woman in front of you, how can you trust a man that has been betraying you for 2 YEARS???
Stay away, and find someone better, because trust me, there are a lot of men out there who are WAY BETTER!
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A
female
reader, jovanna  +, writes (31 August 2007):
 okay..i agree to the answers they have given you..but then a MISTAKE? no...no..no...when you say you love a person. you MUST NOT cheat on them. when you say you love. you have already put that person into your heart. and no way of going back..unless that person is the one thats making all the mistake. but never cheat on your love ones. yes indeed ones a cheater is always a cheater. its hard at first. but then...you gotta think of your future and your wasted time. follow your hard. be strong and stand up for yourself.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit +, writes (31 August 2007):
You are young enough to find someone that will not secret saddle you with step children sired out of infidelity.
Find someone else.
This isn't forgetting to put the toilet seat down, or opening his mouth about a secret when he should not have.
He fathered a child behind your back, and has now abandoned the mother of his child to be with you...what makes you think he would not abandon you with children one day?
Walk away.
-Frank B Kermit
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2007): Personally I don't think you'll ever trust him again. And him not being able to 'get rid' of her is rubbish! He could say I don't want to see you ever again because I have a fiance/girlfriend but he didn't and now he has a baby on the way.
That baby will be a constant reminder to you and he will have to see her for the sake of the baby. 2 years is a long time to have an affair as you are still young and don't deserve any of this. I say get rid and get someone who deserves you.
You deserve someone to marry you who will stay faithful and never have the worry 'He's done it once - He'll do it again'. People do make mistakes and it's not always 'One a cheater, always a cheater'. A 1 night stand is bad enough and it could of just been a BAD mistake. But 2 years is a long time and it's a dozen mistakes, and the one getting hurt is you & that unborn baby.
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