A
female
age
30-35,
*ightstarr333
writes:I was in a relationship for 4 years and we were engaged to get married in the summer of 2016. I really loved him I was so looking forward to marrying my best friend. We talked about children often, and he was just my whole world. Every time I looked at him I just felt so happy and so in love. We seemed to have an amazing relationship. We rarely had problems. Everything was great and normal until around early October of 2015. My boyfriend literally changed pretty much overnight. He started pulling away from me, didn't seem to have much time for me, started stating out late at night, not being honest with me, just things he never ever use to do. This wasn't the man I fell in love with. During this time I eventually found out that he had been talking to another girl. I wasn't mad but very concerned as he had been acting so shady to me but apparently had been chatting up this girl.He says these bad actions are because he has been confused about his feelings, and hasn't been thinking right, but that this woman has nothing to do with any of our problems. I find it hard to believe that it's just a crazy coincidence that he started this shady behavior with me right after this other girl came into the picture. Well we *tried* to work this out for about 2 weeks and then we had a fight about this girl and he gets all upset and says I'm being jealous and I don't want him to have female friends. I try to explain that no, it's not about the friend, it's about your actions lately and how you haven't been acting right. Anyways we broke up a couple weeks ago and I'm just devastated. He really just doesn't understand where I'm coming from and just stopped caring all of a sudden. It just doesn't make sense and I'm very hurt. I put everything into him and our relationship and it's just like he let it all go down the drain. I don't know what to do without him. I feel so alone. He still says this girl had nothing to do with our problems and that she's just a cool person to hang with. Don't really know what to think or believe. He still tells me he loves me but his actions say different. I love him so much but I will not get back with him. How do I get over this?
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male
reader, Garbo +, writes (2 January 2016):
 First, I think you've done right by having him choose either you or that other girl, friendship with her or not. The fact is that marriage means one, so if the half of it, which is you, disagrees, especially if there are suspicions of infidelity, then he should have cut the chord with that girl. After all, there are other "cool" people out there that his future wife would certainly approve of.
Second, there is no magic formula for getting over love betrayal. For men who have been devastated by their women cheating, they call the rehab process a "holy trinity" and that is: no contact, gym and prayer. No contact is affirmation of of one's rationality, gym is to use anger to produce good feel endorphins and prayer is to stay focused on the fact that everything will pass and come out right. Some men hit the soup kitchen helping the needy.
All of these require time, so in between these activities, focus on friends and doing good deeds for others. As time goes away, your nasty feeling will pass.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (2 January 2016):
 When a guy finds out that there are OTHER girls "out there" (besides our dedicated G/F).... then something happens... who knows what?? ... complications in our testosterone system? .... confusion in our cranium?//
Whatever..... we (guys) very often risk the great relationship that we already have (Him, with you), to see if the grass really IS ".... greener in the other guy's yard...).
Sounds like he's experiencing that.... and you have to decide if you want to stick with him, through it..... or, if you want to part ways (Maybe only for a while)... to see if he is going to "come back" to his senses...
It's no picnic.....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2016): Sounds like he's too cowardly to admit he was getting cold feet about getting married. The girl is a massive problem. You don't start forming a new relationship - even a friendship- with someone when you should be putting your energy into a wedding and actually befriending a girl shouldve been the last thing on his mind of he was looking forward to getting married.You've had a lucky escape, it doesn't sound like he was mature enough or ready for marriage. He shouldn't be saying other girls are cool to hang out with. This is different if they've been friends for a long time but you don't just ditch your wife to be for some new girl. You will be sad; but imagine if he was doing this once you were married!You're sill young and you'LL get over him. He will probably wake up one day and realise what he lost by doing this to you but by then it'll be too late. He's shown you thay he isn't ready for marriage and that he has the potential to act shady and lie to you just whilst your bf and gf. Start moving on, don't sit around full of regrets but get out and take up some new hobby or something fun where you will get out and meet different people, go along with a friend for moral support just don't sir at home mourning the loss of a relationship when he's actually shown what an idiot he could have been as a husband x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2016): Dear, i understand how you're feeling now..from the looks of things, it could be 1. That he wanted to be just your friend or 2. He was fed up with your nagging etc..you guys have broken up now and you want to move on, forget him and start all over..it's not easy but you have to try. Firstly, write everything you feel about him on a piece of paper, after say it loudly..it hurts though but you have to(it's okay if you cry)..after which burn the paper, burning the anger, the hurts etc..then delete everything that reminds you of him(all his messages, photos. Block him afterwards block him on ever social media so that we wont get access to you anymore. instead of being at home thinking of how he left you blah blah blah, do something which will take your mind off that like going out with your friends. also, avoid listening to sad musics since it will only remind you of him. incase he calls you, don't pick or even texts you DO NOT reply.. it's going to be hard initially but as time goes by, you'll be okay..trust me, they really work. Don't also rush into a relationship yet because you want him to realize you're no longer in love with him etc, you'll just end up hurting yourself..good luck
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A
female
reader, Slippers  +, writes (2 January 2016):
Hey sweetieIt may not feel like the best thing that's happened but once you have licked your wounds and get over this immense hurt things will start to look better, as a mental health nurse I can say that whole hearted .. you just have to grieve for what could have been and look forward to what will .I totally agree and see the link between his behaviour when this new girl came into the picture .. He was caught up with all his wants .. yours didn't matter ..He took you for granted and didn't care that he was treating horrible .. you must have felt so alone and sad .. sweetie .. If I could I would give you a cuddle ..Go and home to your parents or stay with people who love you unconditionally. . Leave him to get on with him. . I would let him stew and keep contact to a minimum .. I wounder how he would have felt if you had done the same ?This girl may be cool at the min but she not you and the novelty of her will wear off .. However I would think long and hard about taking him back once he does start apologising etc .and he might .. I would have a good think about what you wantSurround yourself with friends .. go out .. have some fun .. when your ready it will be hard .. but little steps will help .. take care sweetie and the aunts and uncles here are wonderful and if you need to talk more .. We are always here .Chin up sweetie .. you've done nothing wrong x
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