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female
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*ISSES
writes: Dear Agony Aunt,I have currently been with my fella for 9 years and am as happy as a sandboy. One problem at moment. He's already been parted ready for divorce before I came along as I don't believe in interferring in this side of things. His ex has fleeced him of £20,000 towards mortgage on property in France and she won't sign divorce papers until she gets her share of sale of their property here. My fella and I got on very well together and he wants things to become permanent fixture more-he's asked me to marry him-once other end sorted to be fair. Grown up kids-23, 29 and 30. I have done Camilla Parker-Bowles remained in background-dont want to be cited in divorce. He dropped me off to work and was so sad I'm into work as I was on leave last week what do I do. Thanks for any help. We love one another to bits.
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female
reader, anon2907  +, writes (7 August 2006):
 Hey,
You've been together a long time and you're happy together. But she's pressurising for cash to sign the divorce papers.
If you think she's being unreasonable and basically don't want to pay her to go away, then see a solicitor and they'll fight for the way things are shared out. That way if she's pushing her luck she'll have no choice but to back off.
On the other hand she could be feeling bitter about things. Camilla despite being in the background was just that - always there, so maybe this other woman is feeling like she never had a chance - and her resentment is about that as much as anything else. And you know what they say - 'hell hath no fury like a woman scorned'.
To be able to move on and get on with your life it seems to me like he's gonna have to pay up. Ultimately it's WIN:WIN albetit with a slightly bitter pill, but you get to walk off hand in hand to the sunset and she gets some cash to help her deal with her side of things.
Otherwise are you prepared for the emotional and financial strain of having to fight through a divorce and these cash problems - and is he?
A
female
reader, talking sense +, writes (7 August 2006):
What is meant for you wont pass you by. You have done the right thing by sitting on the fence. Divorce is always messy and there are two sides to every story. Your in love with this man which makes it difficult for you to remain impartial when you consider the amount of money he is about to lose. It might even feel unfair that he should suffer in this way. However try putting yourself in the place of his ex wife. This may make things easier for you to understand why she is making the demands that she is. Keep assuring your man that you love him. Focus on getting things sorted then you can focus on the future. Just the two of you happy together
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