A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I currently for the past 4 1/2 months have been questioning myself to death about my relationship. A year and a half ago I was close to getting married to a girl I had dated for 3 1/2 years in and out fo college and she dumped me out of nowhere. I bounced back real quick and had several fun filled happy months. I partied and looked for girls and never slowed down or let the hurt get the best of me. I met my current girlfriend and we hit it off. She is unbelievable. I've never had more in common with any other girl. Everything was awesome the first couple of months. One morning I woke up and had a dream she left me and since then I have suffered major depression and have numbed my feeling to her and really towards everything. She is a wonderful person and my ideal girlfriend. Everything was perfect before. Is it possible to get things back? I'm on Wellbutrin and feeling pretty helpless. I've heard about repressed emothions and guarding your heart. It's broken me and I'm burned out on thinking about it. I just don't want to lose this great girl. I hate my feelings for her have changed without me wanting them to. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2009): Do you know what is involved in the grieving process? I'll see if I can remember....
Denial
anger
barter
grief
acceptance
hope in the future
I think I am missing one, you may want to google it to gain a better understanding of the process.
The thing is, you can't just skip past the grieving process. It will happen eventually and it is best to get it out of the way right away. What happened with your new girlfriend is this, you were in denial, you met her and infatuation kept you high on love hormones and gave you the ability to forget about the love you lost, then you got past the 'infatuation phase' with your new girl and your grieving feelings were stronger than your giddy feelings.
You need to seek counseling to help you properly grieve the loss of this love, your body has a stored chemical record of the pain and it needs to get it out of your system, then you will feel better
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2009): Perhaps you didn't bounce back at all, if you've been partying and having fun since you broke up with your last girlfriend then you might not have given yourself time to grieve your loss. It sounds to me that is what you have done. The only way we get over things is to face them and let them consume us for a while, let our brains go over every single moment of what happened and let our emotions free to heal.
Perhaps your feeings of loss have only resurfaced since things have settled down and you've entered a new relationship finally you've stopped and have started to think. You've had a delayed reaction to the break up because you pushed it aside and refused to deal with it "never slowed down or let the hurt get the best of me".
You will have to do now what you didn't do then, take heart though, it's not too late to sort this out. You need to surround yourself with friends and just talk this out over and over, let your mind think about all this the only way you'll cope is if you face it.
Try and wean yourself off the anit-depressants too, they might make you feel better but they solve nothing, the underlying issues can't be solved with a pill. It seems to be the case in America that doctors are too quick to prescribe them instead of trying to help people get to the root of their problem.
Remember these feelings won't last forever, you can get through this, when things are at their worst they can only get better, as hard as it may seem you can beat this.
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