A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years 3 months ago....but i want to get back with him....we have started meeting as friends and both said things need to change etc but how do i go about this so we dont end up breaking up again in the future?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2009): It depends what was wrong in the first place. Was this the first time you had broken up? Is it something fixable? Or was the trust broken?
I personally think that trust is something that is often too hard to rebuild, but if it is something like arguing about stupid things, or one or both you you taking each other for granted then it is fixable.
The first thing which may seem stupidly obvious is that you both have to recognise exactly what you're doing wrong yourself and you have to really want to fix it. I know this seems obvious but sometimes people do get back together for the wrong reasons-there's a difference between really wanting to get back together because you miss someone, and really wanting to get back together because you want to change things and want to try something new.
I speak from experience as I recently permanantely got out of an on/off relationship, we'd break up-he'd swear he'd change, I'd tell myself I'd be less of a doormat, we'd both keep it up for a couple of weeks and things would slip back to how they were. I tried new methods each time, ignore his bad behaviour, beg him to change, politely point out that he was takingme for granted, play cool...but at the end of the day as much as he didn't want to lose me it was never enough to make the effort to keep me if that makes sense.
So basically have a talk, see if you are both 100% willing to commit to making changes, and make sure each other knows EXACTLY what they have to do. Don't go back into this as the same person you left it, otherwise nothing will change x
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