A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am out permanently of a 7 year on and off relationship. I am the one who most of the time did the dumping, usually through frustration, but both knowing it was just a fall out. We have both played our parts. When together again, my faults were talked about, but her faults were never allowed to be mentioned, basically calling me paranoid, or classing it as mental abuse if i ever tried to discuss anything touching what caused my behavior or frustration.. Even if i saw with my own eyes, it was never dealt with, as it was either my fault she did it or i was paranoid, but just did it again. The last time we broke was for the same reasons, but this time she met someone then dumped him, as she said she still loves me. Within this happening, my feelings have gone the total opposite but she still says we are meant to be. I dont even find her attractive anymore. I am at a loss to why someone I wanted for the rest of my life and couldnt once even imagine another woman in my life, is suddenly no different than any other ex. I thought i would be devestated when she got with this other guy, but all I did was see nothing about her like i used to. I used to have every naughty thought going and loved her body. I didnt want friends as she was all i really needed. I know i loved her, but cannot understand why suddenly she means nothing since getting with that guy. The other times we split I was devastated. Maybe didnt love her like i thought. Has anyone ever been in this situation? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2010): Met a guy I really like and though it has only been a month it got intense very quickly. He pushed it more than me and we have seen a lot of each other, spending every weekend together since we met. Seemed very genuine, explained he had been hurt and messed around before etc but has now told me he thinks he needs a little space and we should not see each other for a bit? Thinks it is not healthy that we are so physically obsessed with each other? Surely this is natural at the start of a relationship? Also he was the one that made it clear from the outset that he wanted a relationship not a fling, talking of a future. I know it was not a device used to try to push a physical relationship as I was more than willing.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2010): she has justified her actions and has no concept of right and wrong.lack of experience is not not her problem. it is her lack of morals. yes she is human, but when she uses her humaity to justify her wrongdoings then what is it other than excuses, excuses, excuses. i am happy not to be in your position. do you even know if she has dumped that other geezer? i dont think you are in any way to take what she says as serious.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2010): It shows she cares nothing for your happiness and does not respect you. In fact, it shows she isnn't thinking about you at all.. just herself.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2010): was with someone for a couple of months and i split up with im i was simply to busy doing my house up he was fine with this and carried on txtin i met up with im a couple of times, then he started seeing someone else, but kept texting me no just friendly ones asking me if i was missing him i just said no and lol as a joke, he wanted to take me out for a meal and everything i said what about your new gf and he said she wont find out, they split up recently so i went round at weekend to see him i realized how much i missed im and told him, then i got the bombshell that he was going to try again with is ex! why did he txt me when they were together only two months it was and they had had massive rows in that time he said, we had never fallen out, i realy am upset and want im back, i sadi i wont text im now and hope he misses me as much as i do him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2010): Intresting. Author of the question,suddenly she means nothing? Who you trying to fool? Dumped female,better with out him? Who you trying to fool? It goes with the old cliche` .........How can something so wrong feel so right?.............
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2010): this is a weird post....19 answers....only 4 that didnt post anon. This seems so be an arguement where both are sooooo happy to be finished with the other....then why the post and why all the drama?
why dont you two grow up, go your seperate ways and let it go. puleeze louise! i wish my buddy eyeswideopen was around to do that little throw up in her mouth thing...~shaking my head~ mal
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2010): Why are you still moaning about something you did not want,is it because you still love her and want her back,but want her to beg you for forgivness for seeing someone else if not then put an end to all this and move on if you want her back tell her and this time around treat her like the only woman on the planet,if you want respect you also have to give it
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2010): HE is good with words has all you people fooled he cant love he dont know how to if he did he would be still with me now,he cant commit due to his past history and i was warned by his family that he would hurt me and he did,he has trouble letting go of his past and hold grudges for years against people he is bitter and constantly miserable,he wore me down i lost my bubbly happy go lucky fun personality and my family due to loving this guy,im now back to myself and made up with my family so you see im actualy greatful to him,but i know he was my soul mate and despite his ways i loved him deeply and always will,never will i meet another guy like him he was unique
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2010): Can you actually create intimacy with a self absorbed person? Your unresolved issues have no place in her life,ignorance is her weapon,your objections are exploited and mercilessly used against you when she needs her ego feeding.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2010): If you fell in love with her, for all intents and purposes, you have fell in love with someone who has a false sense of self entitlement, who is arrogant, who has a strong need to be right, who needs too much attention,and who needs constant admiration and attention to soothe herself. If you did fall in love with her, it doesn't even matter how much attention you gave her, it won't be enough. She wont see you as separate from the way she sees it,as its from her point of view only. Everything else is about her or an extension of herself. Your values and self-esteem are undermined,your emotions are ignored. After all it is all about her needs. She feels entitled to wield this power over you and turn your own trust for them against you - belittling you so as to keep you in self doubt. It is a lonely,painful and damaging place to be.
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female
reader, thinkb4  +, writes (9 September 2010):
That woman has absolutely no feeling for anyone but herself. You did the right thing.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2010): To all especialy hidden values,if you dont sex your girl another man will,being sexualy rejected is a sure way of telling your love of your life she aint no good or the reason you are having an affair,and why the hell should she care did you care when you constantly dumped her and your son as they say what goes around comes around and karma is a real bitch
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2010): if her attitude is like that then dump her but it beats me why you wanted to be with her in the first place.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2010): Let her stay dumped this time. She,in her own words,doesnt care.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2010): She was dumped? For what reason? Whatever the reason, it is a very good analasis. Move on to a better world. If things are rosy for her you are surplus. Forget her ,like she so easily forgets you.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2010): She sounds rather cold. She`s saying she`s ok so fk u!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2010): You probbably are so relieved that it overpowers the hurt.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2010): whatever my ex and anyone else wants to say go ahead as i dont owe nobody nothing but my son ,i owe him the best mother i can be to him and give him all the love he deserves,his father dumped us both and we got enough love and people to be there for us if and when needed
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2010): I would also like to say i have 3 exciting things to keep me busy and help me get over my loss a grandaughter arriving in november 2010,family reunion in march and my sons wedding in july 2011 so what ever my ex thinks of me is not an issue or worry to me,i have moved on to a better life
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2010): i am the female this guy is talking about and yes i ended up seeing another guy after being dumped for the last time,i have lost count the times he dumped me on average every month and our son was included in this sick game,i loved him and still do as i cant turn my love on and off like he can and i ended it with the other guy as he was nice but i wasnt being honest with him and he deserved better,this 7 year relationship was going no where and i finaly accepted that as i was depressed and my children suffered as a result i had to move on and be happy for which i can say i am and so are my children and his son
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2010): Yes,you`v been caught by the man haters. Bitter,and leaving out a lot.Missing vital points. You was with a self serving woman,you have now realised her potential and she isnt quite as dedicated as normal. Some just want a partner no matter who.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2010): One thing is for sure you dont regulary dump someone you truly love and intend to marry,she did right to move on and has not done no wrong,your mistake for allowing her to be snatched up
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2010): How can you say you wanted to spend the rest of your life with this girl when you openly admit to dumping her numerous times did your ever consider what kind of damage this was doing to your relationship even to her maybe she finaly had the courage to move on from this rollercoaster relationship as your behaviour is not that of a person who loves someone as you believe you did,what was you expecting from her to wait around until you was ready to take her back as she has done in the past to me you wanted to control her and the relationship all on your terms,also if you was going to marry her why has it taken you so long 7yrs who are you kidding here i would have left you after the 2nd time you dumped me and now your feelings have changed since she met another guy and dumped him because she loved you,or was it because your behaviour has made her unable to trust guys ask urself
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female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (8 September 2010):
 I think you have just suffered from relationship exhaustion. There comes a point in a relationship when your brain takes over from your heart. You just think 'enough is enough'. You fell in love with a girl who didn't exist - you idealised her as something she was not (i.e. worthy of your love) and forgave her faults, until you reached a final conclusion that she is not worth the effort. There was 7 years of drama and now you are in a calmer place in your life. Having escaped the torment I suggest you keep walking away from her and don't look back. If anything, this relationship is a huge life lesson. When the perfect partner comes along for you then you will really appreciate her for not being like this girl!
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2010): I think this is a natural defense mechanism. In theory she has not done anything wrong by getting with a guy. In your situation I still would not go back as it does n`t look as though she cares about you as much as a life partner should,and refusing to look at the parts she played shows she likes everything on her own terms only. It could well be,her getting with some other bloke has hit home that she is not quite the loyal woman you had envisioned. It is a wake up call.
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