A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:my dad says i'm stupid. he yells all the time. i have no one to talk to about this. he has always yelled, even if there wasn't a reason. i cry all the time and feel like no one cares anymore. i can't get away form him. i can't talk to a councilor, i have no friends. my mom has lost hope. they never stop fighting. my dad has cut me off from people. i need help to get through this. i need advice and guidance. please if anyone can help me i'd appreciate it so much. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, cheerwhore23 +, writes (4 July 2012):
i went through the same thing you did..my dad was sooo hard on me and expected me to be perfect..his "talking" was actually yelling..so he yelled at me all the time and i would just take it..then go to my room and cry..or try to hurt myself..its not good at all....i just kept telling myself that im gonna get out and its gonna be okay...as long as your dad doesnt hit you then just try to refocus on other things...try to join some extra curricular activities to stay out of the house longer...or try telling a friend..i know you say you have no friends but i bet you have at least one....i felt like i couldnt tell anyone about my problem because on the outside my life was perfect..but i ended up telling this one girl how miserable i was and it turned out she had the same problem! we would just talk and talk for hours about how our dads were and it made me feel so much better,..and i also gained a friend.....goodluck baby doll. hang in there
A
female
reader, Davinia  +, writes (3 July 2012):
What you need to tell yourself is that you are not stupid, it sounds like emotions are running very high in your household and it is difficult to know what to do for the best and who do you trust and feel comfortable with. If there is one person you can discuss your feelings with do so as they will listen which in itself helps you to get all of them negative feelings out of your system, this person does not have to be a trained practioner but you do need to talk things through. It is very important that you do get out of the house and have fun with your peers like other children your age do, this should hopefully help raise your self-esteem and confidence and you may be albe with time talk to your mum about how you feel and maybe them both of you could discuss this with your dad in a calm way and tell him how it makes you feel. One step at a time and do not give up.
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A
female
reader, BettyBoup +, writes (3 July 2012):
 Is there anyone you can talk to? You can of course talk to people online, that is what this website is for. But it might be better for you to talk to someone who knows you and can help. Is there anyone at school? I know it might seem scary, but that is teachers jobs, to help their students, even with family problems if they need to.
You are in a tough situation with your unhappy family situation. Can you talk to your mum? You say she's given up hope, but if she knows how you feel, maybe she will see things differently.
I think a really good thing for your family would be to go to a family counsellor. But I think your dad would be against it, as he may not see that his behavior is a problem for you. He is an adult male and may not appreciate the suggestion that his parental behavior is in any way "wrong" or needs to be talked about with a stranger. But perhaps you could ask your mum if you and her could go to a counsellor together?
You are still young so you will have to stay with your family until you are old enough to leave. So you will have to find a way of surviving in this situation. Have you ever spoken to your dad and asked why he gets angry about things? Maybe one day, after he has yelled and then calmed down again and is in a good mood, you could say to him you notice that he was angry earlier and gets angry quite a lot. Ask what makes him feel angry and if there is anything you can do to help?
Living with an angry parent you will be affected by his anger and will learn to pander to him, and be afraid of his wrath and this is not fair. You shouldn't have to live in fear. Perhaps you could write him a letter saying that you love him very much, but have noticed lately that he yells a lot and that it affects you because you are afraid of him etc Then end by saying you love him and want to have a good father daughter relationship, so you felt that he should know how you are feeling.
I don't know your dad so I don't know how he'd react. but he ought to know how his behaviour is affecting his family. The worse thing would be if he doesn't care, or is so defensive he will act as if he doesn't care, and either dismiss your feelings or treat you even worse. I hope not the second one, that would be the worse case scenario. How do you think he would react, if his anger issues were raised with him either by yourself, your mother or another person/counsellor?
If you don't think it's worth talking to him about it, the only other option is to cope with living with him until you are old enough to leave. Then I would suggest getting involved in after school clubs etc, anything that will get you out of the house often. When you are in the house keep an emotional distance to your dad so that he cannot upset you. When he yells, just tell yourself it is not your fault, it is your dad who has the anger issues, and walk away from the situation. Distract yourself with a hobby. If you go to after school clubs you will be able to hang out with other teenagers and make friends. That will take your mind off you family situation. Think about yourself and what will make you happy. It's your life and you deserve to be happy, no matter what your dad says.
Remember you deserve to be happy and you are not stupid, you dad just says that when he's angry to make himself feel better, it is not true. You are a very smart young woman to come on this website and try to get help for your self.
Good luck xx
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A
female
reader, fi_the_tree +, writes (3 July 2012):
 Why can't you talk to a counselor?? Is there a teacher at school who you trust??? What about the principal??? There are people out there who will listen, be brave and reach out. No-one is going to tell you off for it or think you stupid.
Good luck!
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