A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone,I'm 24 years old,majority of my friends drink,smoke but I dint,although I always wanted to have a drink..so I waited when I turned 19 a friend of mine said you should try out one drink,so I was like ok,and she offered tequila,now I had no idea that this a really strong drink(I had no ideal abt alcohol)so one drink and I was completely wasted,I puked..and I dint drink anything else..this one tequila has costed my relationship with my dad!so anywys after the drink I cldnt go back home so me and my friend checked into a resort owned by my dad(not a good idea)my friend who was also drunk was holding me and we checked into our room and I slept,that's it!now the resort staff told people around and years later my dad found out I got drunk and I puked!when I was asked about this incident I denied because I knew how my parents are,and they would never ever let this die down and would taunt me for life,and keep nagging!even though I denied my dad knows I did it and keeps taunting my mom on how I drink,and I just feel sad that it was just a one time thing,I was 19,I'm 24 now and I just drink like twice a year sometimes not even that,and now my dad is holding on to this,he won't look me in the face,he's making an issue out of nothing,when he himself drinks and fights with my mom,has extra marital affairs,I feel he is in no position to judge me considering I turned out well,and I'm the designated driver always driving my drunken friends safely back home!but it hurts to see him behave like this when I don't do half the things this generation kids do,I have decided to completely ignore him If that's what makes him happy!is there anything else I could do?and please don't tell me try talking I'v tried he won't listen!
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2013): What happens if you admit to it? Maybe next time he brings it up, just acknowledge it did happen and shrug your shoulders. Several years have passed: what's the worst that can happen? If he continues to bring it up it is his problem and he needs to get over it. Maybe this experience kind of changed his idea of you as a his sweet/pure little daughter (in contrast to his far from being perfect life). This tequila experience doesn't affect the person that you are and your judgements and moral values as an grown up girl.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2013): OP this isn't rocket science, your dad is just a nasty bastard, I mean look at all the bad shit he does to your mom when he drinks and stuff.
If it wasn't this one exceptionally minor thing he would have found something else to be nasty about to you.
Ignore it and him, when he wants to grow up he can have an adult relationship with his adult daughter until then just treat him like the bitter spoilt little prima donna he is.
Don't take it so personally, he's just a bitter old dog. And you know what? If all he has against you is one minor incident from 5 years ago that says a lot about the strength of your character and conviction and the fact you don't make very many embarrassing mistakes, well that he knows about anyway.
Ignore it, he may be your dad but your raised now and not under his control, let him be the bitter old coot he seems to enjoy being. Either don't let it bother you or call him out on all the shit you know he's done.
I'd ignore it, why would you take the opinion and behaviour of someone who is acting like a prick personally? Because he;s your daddy? Fuck that OP, respect is earned not automatically given based on relation.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe come from a tradiational and conservative christian family,where drinking is a taboo only for women tho,cuz my brother and dad drink..what my point is when I tried alcohol I was 19 and not a minor!everyone my age and even younger drinks and many of them dating,I'm not even allowed to date cuz that's a taboo as well and I have done it,but my one mistake is not let go,I was 19 and naïve I decided to have fun with a friend and had one drink and its made a big deal about that he doesn't talk to me anymore,and keeps taunting my sister about how I drink,its ridiculous!I feel chained down I'm not allowed to do anything,no parties,no sleep over..I'm not complaining and I'm ok with these rules but one mistake and they make a deal!
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 February 2013):
 I think that everything needs to be put into a context, and I think that your father has his own reasons to still bring up that episode. I am not saying that they are GOOD reason. But, they probably exist.
Is he an immigrant from some culture/ religion that sees drinking as sinful and abominable ? And ten times more so for women ? .. Muslim, Hindu ?.... Or maybe, Anglo Saxon from some very conservative, rigorous ,traditional Christian denomination ?....
You live in Australia, in a drink-friendly culture for which the tequila episode is really nothing, and not even worthy of a comment. BUT, do not assume it is so, outside of your circle of friends or contemporaries. There are lots of people , particularly around your father's age, that would see it like a big or biggish deal.For religious, social, cultural reasons.
Even where I live, in Italy : a drink friendly country, without even a legal minimal age for drinking. But, a GIRL puking her guts out in public ? no no, no can do. Completely shameful and unacceptable. I am not saying it is RIGHT. Tt just is.
My point is, that you make it sound just as if your father is a mean cranky old bastard, that enjoys embarassing you. The truth is, maybe that silly episode broke a big taboo for him, maybe beside being upset, he is also still afraid , worried or concerned. About YOU: That you may go to Hell, or get a bad reputation and never find a husband , or ... who knows what .
Also because you STILL drink , albeit only a measly twice a year, and you go around with drinker friends. Apparently your father has a big problem with people drinking , or with women drinking in general...it's kind of logic that his own daughter being seen pissed drunk would not sit well with him. ( Never mind that HE drinks- there are tons of maschilistic cultures and environments where men's sins are always smaller :).
What can you do ? nothing. What which you are already doing. Politely ignore him, change subject. Leave the room . Or, if you want to be extra nice, you may say " It only happened once, dad, everybody makes mistakes, and I won't repeat it " . Who knows , maybe he only wants you to reassure him , or to apologize. Which you don't do because , it's not a big deal ; but maybe in HIS eyes and heart it IS an upsetting , troubling, worrisome big deal, you know what I mean ?
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2013): You could write him a short heartfelt letter and express your sadness about the outcome of the incident and apologize for lying. Sometimes the act could have been be overcome it is the lying afterwards that drives the final nail in the coffin when relationships go awry. I wouldnt mention his mistakes with alcohol and cheating if you genuinely want to move forward with him. It would be counterproductive. Parents generally want their children to do as they SAY not do as they DO. With very good reason most times. He does sound as if he has some challenging personality traits regarding his use of alcohol, infidelity and most likely he is a manipulating type. This could be why you are having difficulties with him. Not because you did something particularly bad but because you went outside of his control, he has a hard time coping with that and he is quite literally unable to let it go.Just explain how difficult you have found his unwillingness to let the matter rest and that he is driving you away with his comments. Ask him to forgive you now or risk losing you altogether because his remakrs are seriously affecting how you feel about him. He might have lost some respect for you following the incident but he NEEDS to understand that in turn you are losing your respect AND love for him.Hopefully he will see reason and come around but if he doesnt and continues to bring up your past despite your wishes, then he will leave you with little alternative but to ignore him. Try not to feel too sad about it though because I am sure over time he will realize his mistake and come around. And i hope when he does, you are able to forgive his behavior.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnd my dad never respected my mom,used to raise his hands on her,shout at her..just plain disrespect,he even had an affair with another woman,all this made me not like him but he's making an issue out of nothing,it was something I did when I was 19,is it right of him to hold on to something like this!when me and my mom forgave him for his extra marital affair y can't he let my one time thing go?:(
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2013): Honey, Its not about parents doing wrong, it about them just wanting to protect their kids. Its best to not let your fathers action impact on a father daughter relationship.
When he is sober and alone, its time you had a heart to heart chat and also aplogise if you let his down, and also give him your version but remember to tell him that you love him and do like the distant/hostile relationship yourll have based on wrong conclusion.
At the end of teh day you are an adult but its how much you want to mend the relationship.
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