A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My parents have been married for 15 years. My dad has a short temper and gets very angry at my mum (non violent though) she has always just let him push her about, also he is always sneaking glances at other women on the street or on a bus whatever, however if my mum is even hanging around with another man i can tell he gets agitated... he crossed the line (i think) when i noticed that he had been watching porn online a lot and i even found magazines in his bag, i think this is just plain unfair to my mum and im not sure how/whether to tell him to stop. any idea what to do?
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female
reader, Takeitaway  +, writes (18 February 2010):
H, i How are you?
You are very kind hearted to be concerned about your mom. Your parents are lucky to have you. Matter of fact, the world is lucky to have you!!
Watching porn is a matter of choice. It is not "natural" for your dad to be married and watch porn, it is "cultural" for him to do it. He does NOT have to do it, he is choosing it. People get that confused, but I don't think you will, I can tell that you're a smart guy already : ) Maybe your mother knows about it and maybe she just gave up; some women do. Or maybe she simple doesn't care, but that's unlikely. Most women give up when it comes to the matter of of porn, they think they don't have choices(But that's a WHOLE other story).
But the sex material is a matter for your mom and dad to discuss. I'm sure you'll make better choices about this stuff when you get older and are in relationships. You are learning so much already!! Look at you! : )
It is wrong for your mother or you to be afraid of your dad's anger. Anger escalates and it can be dangerous in many ways. You are young but you are mature enough to pose a question like this so you deserve and honest answer.
Talk to your parents about how you are feeling, and if they cannot handle your questions then go to a guidance councilor, they should be able to lead you in the right direction, especially if you feel that your mother could be in trouble emotionally or physically.
TAKE CARE!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2010): I disagree, 95% of all Dad's do not watch porn. It really doesn't matter the percentage.
Your Dad is behaving disrespectfully towards your mother, and I hope you put that in your mental file for later when you are choosing a partner that you will not go for a guy with a short temper and disrespectful behavior towards women.
As far as what your Dad looks at in the way of porn, that is none of your business, nor is the sex life of your parents any of your business, so do not confront him or your mother about it.
I know sometimes it is hard as a child in chaotic angry home to want to step up and stop the abuse and fighting and to even want to protect your mother. I've been there and I have lived it. What you don't know now is that you only see one part of their relationship, the fighting because it stands out to you. You don't know how your mother may behave towards your Dad that might be at least part of the problem, so avoid taking sides and just stay out of it. You can let your Dad know if his temper hurts you or makes you feel bad or uncomfortable, deal with your Dad in terms of the two of you, your relationship with him...but leave your parents to their own marriage.
The thing I used to do when they fought, was to get out of he house and go to a friend's, there were some years I felt I was rarely home...it will get better, or it will get worse and they will separate.
My folks were young parents, by the time I ended college they had grown up quite a bit, and by the time they were in their late 40's the fighting all but stopped, seems crazy to take that long, but people don't change readily or easily. Maturity takes a life time and some people never get there.
You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders so I am not worried about you at all.
Be good.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2010): I don't think there is anything you can do for your dad. He is responsible for his own actions.
Hopefully you don't choose boyfriends that turn out to treat girls like your dad treats your mum.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThat's reasuring, thanks
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